Priority seats on trains!!!!

[MarcelineTheVampire]

I was on a busy train this morning and an elderly disabled lady boarded the train, there were no seats and she was tentatively looking around, so I asked if anyone could let this lady sit down (I was stood up) - everyone looked away and a bloke actually said 'well, I'm playing cards so I can't- these young boys could get up'.

Another man did get up in the end but AIBU to expect common decency to remove yourself from a seat if a disabled person gets on the train? And playing cards isn't a valid reason not to get up? In addition he was a bit ageist in suggesting that the young boys could get up but he couldn't possibly?

Btw I didn't aim it at anyone in particular as some people may have really needed their seat but if it was me I would have been the first person to get up- maybe I have too high expectations.

When I was pregnant I ended up getting the much earlier train every day because it was the only way I would get a seat. The busier train was full of people with their eyes glued to their phones. It did also make up for the fact that it look me twice as long to walk from the station to the office. My poor DH, who happened to work in the building next door so would commute with me, hid his frustration at my shuffling pretty well (but not completely).

Asking the carriage as a while is fine. Asking an individual is shit.

Which is why nobody should have to ask anybody.

People don't offer their seats because they might be afraid of the reaction/have social anxiety/be oblivious to their surroundings? Yet it's okay to expect the person in need to make a public request to the carriage at large? Yeah, not on board with that.

There are not entire carriages full of seated people with social anxiety/hidden disabilities. People are just being selfish and rude. We've all seen the heads get quickly buried in papers/iPads to feign obliviousness.

There is no excuse, really.

It's amazing how many people think they are entitled to use the priority seats. Honestly I don't think having bowel problems (which I have myself) and/or being diabetic gives you the right to a priority seat. I think they should just give out cards, and you have to move for someone with a card all pregnant women should get one. Otherwise half the world thinks they have a good reason to sit in the priority seat.

There are not entire carriages full of seated people with social anxiety/hidden disabilities

Likewise, not all pregnant women and those in need of a seat have social anxiety that means that they can't say "could someone please give up their seat for me" instead of assuming that every single person has their eyes fixed on the door waiting for someone who might need the seat more to come through the door. Which on my commute, is only about once a month.

I do not think the person needing the seat should have to make a public request. (Social anxiety or not.)

I believe the onus is on able-bodied people sitting on their arses to offer.

You obviously differ.

We clearly have different ideas about basic manners, and how to function in shared public spaces. Just upbringing, I guess.

No need to be so rude by suggesting that I somehow don't offer people a seat. If I see a woman who is obviously pregnant, I'll offer her the seat. Likewise an obviously disabled or elderly person. Young children I'll get up for as well, and if I'm standing I'll ask a pregnant lady if she needs a seat, just in case she is too shy to ask.

But do I sit with my eyes peeled at every stop, mentally assessing if someone could be in the first trimester, or have a hidden disability, or maybe have a social anxiety that means they couldn't offer a seat? No. Because that would mean I offer a seat to every single person who gets on the train on the off-chance they have one of those.

Which is clearly something you, as an able-bodied, super polite person do.

And how do you know that those people you assume to be able bodied sitting down are able to offer? How do you know so well they aren't pregnant, or have a hidden disability, or a social anxiety? Why do you assume they will definitely be able to offer their seat?

I've seen assholes on both sides tbh. 99% of the time I'm fit as a fiddle. I've gone through periods of ill health which were not visible and also have conditions which flare. I've had a few horrible direct challenges re: taking a seat, using a disabled loo, not giving my place (seat or in queue) to a family / pregnant woman. Thus I agree with others upthread about asking a carriage rather than an individual.

Having said that, I was initially shocked about who will and won't help when I've been unwell. Being completely ignored by people 'like me' when unable to get from taxi to train on a business trip and having the only offers of help come from a young lad in a hoody, who tbh looked a bit dodgy (got me to the turnstile) and an older man in his 70s (got me on the train, gave me some painkillers and stowed my suitcase) made my really question my assumptions about people. All the young, fit looking business people completely ignored me.

I commute with ds, who is 4. He's little for his age and gesture really scared standing when it's packed so I often end up carrying him, standing up, for the 40 minute journey.

I often stumble with him - we never get offered a seat and I daren't ask as we're obviously not priority cases.

It's not just people on trains people are bloody rude everywhere!

I'm heavily pregnant almost ready to pop and today in town someone shoulder barged me really bloody hard as well and didn't stop to apologise then in the supermarket some woman too busy on her phone drove her trolley into me then just looked as if it was my fault?! Finally I got tutted at because I had a massive full trolley and was finding it hard to manoeuvre in the crowded fruit and veg section, the woman had to wait all of 5 extra seconds while I moved past her?!

I must say on public transport, not that I use it that often I've always got a seat although I've had to ask they haven't offered. My friend commutes in rush hour though and frequently has had to stand the whole 40 minutes.

There shouldn't really be a need for priority seats. It should just be a given that someone who appears to need a seat, or who ask and says they need it, should be offered a seat.

Looking out for those around you, offering compassion and a little help, really should just be second nature, not needing a sign hanging on the wall.

Priority seats are near the doors because they're (partly) for people with limited mobility.

The idea is that those people can get on & off near the doors with a minimum of fuss and risk.

I hear all of you and have experienced similar. I have to say though that now my elderly mother comes to us by train via London, I am pleased to say that every time someone offers to carry her bag up and down the stairs for her and has offered a seat. She sees it as a reward for years of helping people carry buggies up and down stairs on the Underground.

On my London commute it's clear to me that the vast majority of people really are engrossed in paper, phone or dozing with headphones. However my Baby on Board badge gets me a seat without fail, I just stand in the aisle and eventually someone will look up at me and offer- all sorts, plenty of "businessman" types as well.

However I get on only 20 minutes from the final stop so I guess people who stand know they won't be stuck standing for too long.

Last commute today before maternity leave though, still very happy about that!

^ ignore the troll. Has been reported.

Just for information purposes, the wheelchair spot on buses etc is not just for wheelchairs but all disabilities. The sign for disability is s wheelchair but it's not just for wheelchairs.

Koala I agree the onus is on the able bodied person.
There's a leading theory that it is the outside world that disables people. Everyone has different abilities and it is the factories and behaviour of utilities and others that create the disabling effect.

^facilities not factories

totalrecall my dn has a disability so i would say is entitled to the priority seats more than a pregnant woman.

Diabetes is a life long condition that never goes away. Being pregnant is a lifestyle choice that lasts no more than 43 weeks.

To add to reboot, whilst I would assist a pregnant woman, the effects of a permanent disability is very efferent to being pregnant. Being a disabled woman who has also used public transport when pregnant, the two things are very different.
The daily struggle of having an impairment day in, day out for years and years is xtremy challenging, fatiguing, eats away at resilience

Sure, Type 1 diabetes is a disability under the Act. However, unless the diabetes has caused other issues, such as loss of mobility or sight, why is a diabetic person in need of these seats more than someone who is in serious danger of falling and injuring two lives?

Exactly, Seryph.

And pregnancy is a 'lifestyle choice'?!

Now I've heard it all.