Priority seats on trains!!!!

[MarcelineTheVampire]

I was on a busy train this morning and an elderly disabled lady boarded the train, there were no seats and she was tentatively looking around, so I asked if anyone could let this lady sit down (I was stood up) - everyone looked away and a bloke actually said 'well, I'm playing cards so I can't- these young boys could get up'.

Another man did get up in the end but AIBU to expect common decency to remove yourself from a seat if a disabled person gets on the train? And playing cards isn't a valid reason not to get up? In addition he was a bit ageist in suggesting that the young boys could get up but he couldn't possibly?

Btw I didn't aim it at anyone in particular as some people may have really needed their seat but if it was me I would have been the first person to get up- maybe I have too high expectations.

I was on a bus a little while back that had a space for buggies, with fold-down seats. (Separate wheelchair-user space just like it across the aisle.) Quiet bus, only a few of us on. Man sitting on one of the buggy seats, without a buggy.

Woman with buggy gets on. Man looks out of the window. Woman asks him politely to move. Man mutters something about being there first. Woman asks again, louder. Man doesn't move. Woman points to large buggy picture next to seat. Standoff. Eventually, man gets up with much huffing and puffing, gathers his bags together, and goes to sit... in the wheelchair space.

Some people are just arses.

*Obviously, I mean people who have visible disabilities or are visibly pregnant - nobody expects mind-reading.

I am 31 weeks pregnant and have my Baby on Board badge (because my bump isn't very bump like and I might just look a bit fat). The only people who ever offer me a seat are women!

And if someone has a bag on the seat next to them, I say loudly to whoever I'm with "I didn't realise you can get tickets for bags" which amuses me and tends to make them move said bag.

Very, I'm confused. You are ruminating. Am I not ruminating too?

No, you said that "somebody" had "found fault". I wasn't finding fault. Unless, of course, that "somebody" wasn't me?

I also have extensive experience both personally and professionally in the disability field.

Likewise.

I'd rather be offended because someone offered to help and I didn't need it than because I needed it and no one offered.

So would I. But I'm wary of extrapolating a general principle from that, for the reasons given.

Where did I say that Candy, where??? You read what you wanted to. I merely pointed out that people feel entitled to stay in their seats regardless of others who I agree may also have paid, you missed my point.

If anyone needs a seat they should just bloody ask.

Not everyone sits on the train staring at the door and then playing "is she pregnant or just fat" in their heads, leaping up when they have the answer.

When I was pregnant and standing on the tube, a young guy who was also standing asked me rather loudly if I'd like to sit down, which then prompted someone to offer a seat. I think that's quite a good way to deal with it, you're speaking to the person rather than for them,and I could have always said no thanks if I'd have been happy to stand.

Yeah, that sounds good.

In Australia, they have signs up on buses stating that students (who pay half fare) must give up their seat in the event of disabled/elderly/pregnant people getting on. I don't think that was confined to the priority seats (could be wrong).

I honestly think that it's not always because of poor manners. Some people are genuinely so absorbed in their phones/conversations/books etc that they aren't aware of the other passengers around them. So many commuters also wear earphones so may not be able to hear request like yours.

Some people are also very shy and have bad social anxiety ( I have a friend like this). Although they may see another passenger struggling, they may lack the confidence to actually offer this person their seat because it will draw attention to themselves.

Other people are also worried about offending people. Unless a woman is quite thin (except her tummy) and wearing non-loose clothing, I'm unsure if they are pregnant or not.

Other times, trains are so crazily packed during peak times that it's impossible for a seated passenger to see past the person standing squished right beside them (with their crotch in your ear, bleurgh). So other passengers, who do need the seat, may not be seen.

Of course, in your situation, OP, when you actually requested a seat for the lady, people should have offered. I'm just trying to give alternative reason why some people might not offer right away without first being asked to.

Bee182814 why didn't you just ASK to sit down rather than waiting until you were at fainting stage to make people notice you?

And Elderwand

Utterly bemused why people let themselves get to a situation of fainting / throwing up just to avoid having to speak to someone who may not have noticed them

When I did the London Marathon I got the train home afterwards (medal around my neck) and was offered a seat about 10 times, however I wanted to stand as my legs were seizing up and I knew I wouldn't get up again if I sat . A couple of years before that when I was pregnant and commuted daily into London (train and tube) I was only offered a seat once and that was by another pregnant lady who clearly needed it as much as me. One time I made a beeline for a seat (probably more of a waddle) and a guy stuck his foot out and tripped me, luckily I stumbled and grabbed hold of one of the poles but ended up getting off at the next stop and crying all the way home as it had shaken me up so much

I understand some people aren't sure if you are pregnant or fat but there comes a point when it's pretty obvious ...

I have a stick and no one has ever offered me a seat (too shy to ask). I also get people barging in to me when I walk down the street. Am of the opinion that most people just don't give a shit.

My late dad had a major stroke in 2011, he could still walk with a walking stick hut barely, a slight gust of wind could knock him over. Particularly when he was tired. On far too many occasions people barged past him, nearly knocking him over or they would stand behind him huffing and puffing because he walked so slowly. Again, people would often watch him struggle to keep his balance on moving buses and trains rather than offer him a seat.

It really pissed me off and I always wanted to say something but he would plead with me not to as he was so proud and didn't want to draw attention to himself.

One time I made a beeline for a seat (probably more of a waddle) and a guy stuck his foot out and tripped me

Purposely??

VeryBitchy, you're correct; it apples to Anh seat, not just priority seats.

any (Anh? )

In my experience people generally move - We were offered a seat for my ds on every single tube train we went on when we went for a day out in London. Sometimes people are just selfish a-holes though. Yanbu.

Well am rather slim with a big belly definitely look pregnant and not just fat. I didn't ask because I clearly saw a few people look at me then my belly they clearly knew! I just got to a point of fuck it I am not going to ask if no one's going to be nice I will just sit right here on the floor don't want to have someone begrudgingly give up there seat for me.

Well am rather slim with a big belly definitely look pregnant and not just fat. I didn't ask because I clearly saw a few people look at me then my belly they clearly knew! I just got to a point of fuck it I am not going to ask if no one's going to be nice I will just sit right here on the floor don't want to have someone begrudgingly give up there seat for me.

Then if they've seen you why not just say "could I sit down please?". Seems like an utterly useless own goal to just sit on the floor - where is the sense in it?

It seems like you're looking for an excuse to be sorry for yourself.

VeryBitchy good point, but she did thank me when she got off so I was okay in this situation.

I guess I would rather do something than nothing though.

Thanks Ferdinands, unfortunately the train company I use doesn't offer that. I'm just going to have to get assertive!

I once asked for a seat on a busy tube when I was 8 months pregnant and the guy refused to move saying I didn't have a disability....

VeryBitchy good point, but she did thank me when she got off so I was okay in this situation.

Cool.

I was the only person to offer an elderly and quite clearly unsteady lady my seat on the bus yesterday. I was sat half way down the bus, not on the priority seats and am VERY obviously 8 months pregnant.
The poor lady was almost in tears as she took my seat abs kept repeating "I'm so sorry love, I'm 87 and I'm waiting for a hip replacement"

Not one other person on the whole bus offered to move for either of us and I'm just not confident enough to ask or to make a scene.

The young man at the front who had his feet on another seat almost pushed me to it though

Not everyone will move and some will actively give you shit for speaking to them. That's why people don't like to ask.

"Just back from Prague and the attitude on the metro and trams was massively at odds to here. People jumping up to offer seats to anyone older than them, very young children travelling with adults (think it was a nursery group, they all squished on to two seats), pregnant women. Was refreshing to see."

Oh happy memories,

you'd reach the bottom of a staircase with suitcases in each hand. Suddenly the suitcases would disappear, both going up the stairs in the hands of a man, then silently placed back in your hands at the top.

no fuss, just automatic.