Priority seats on trains!!!!

[MarcelineTheVampire]

I was on a busy train this morning and an elderly disabled lady boarded the train, there were no seats and she was tentatively looking around, so I asked if anyone could let this lady sit down (I was stood up) - everyone looked away and a bloke actually said 'well, I'm playing cards so I can't- these young boys could get up'.

Another man did get up in the end but AIBU to expect common decency to remove yourself from a seat if a disabled person gets on the train? And playing cards isn't a valid reason not to get up? In addition he was a bit ageist in suggesting that the young boys could get up but he couldn't possibly?

Btw I didn't aim it at anyone in particular as some people may have really needed their seat but if it was me I would have been the first person to get up- maybe I have too high expectations.

Seeing as all over 65s, pregnant women, those with a child under 3 or those who are disabled can apply for a priority seat card I don't understand why when someone has one of these cards train staff don't ensure that the priority seats are vacated by people who shouldn't be using them.

By the same token though if someone who has a priority seat card chooses not to ask train staff for help in finding a priority seat and instead decides to stand, I am sorry but on a long journey I am not going to give up my seat out of guilt.

Because queen I shouldn't have to bloody ask. not sorry for myself atoll actually just want people to have some manners is it really to much to ask? I would have much preferred to sit on the floor than have to nag someone to give me a seat. When it should just be a done thing. maybe I did make it worse for myself but it was how I felt at the time I don't really like how your saying it's my fault though there are a lot of people who wouldn't feel comfortable asking other people for a seat and why should they be punished for people's bad manners.

I took a school trip of 25 11-13 year olds via a train journey to London a couple of years ago and, when a heavily pregnant woman got on, about 10 of them jumped up at the same time to offer their seat. I was really proud of them in that moment but actually, on reflection, it should be expected and not deserving of praise really.

Yes you should Elderwand. You can't expect that 100% of the people on a train see that you're pregnant and just think "fuck it". Many people don't see someone who is pregnant for many reasons. Of course, some people are just rude.

But expecting people to see you're pregnant, raging at them in your head to give you a seat but staying silent and sitting on the floor is such an own goal. You get nothing out of it. You want to sit down - just ask.

Lovelyideas I had that experiences with suitcases in Russia and Poland recently and I was really torn between thinking it was very sweet and kind but also that it was a bit presumptuous. I wouldn't have packed the cases if I wasn't capable of lifting them and did feel there was a slight undertone of 'weak woman can't possibly carry her own bag'.

But then they couldn't really ask because of the language barrier so I don't know. Kindly meant of course, so I took it with good grace and thanks!

I find people on the train good and often offer (commuter in London), tube are usually the same.

On buses that is the worst >> Heavily pregnant (wearing the badge) + walking toddler = no-one sees you even if you ask them directly. Bunch of shits frankly nearly each and every time.

I honestly think that it's not always because of poor manners. Some people are genuinely so absorbed in their phones/conversations/books etc that they aren't aware of the other passengers around them. So many commuters also wear earphones so may not be able to hear request like yours

See I think that lack of awareness, especially when in the priority seats, is in itself very selfish and impolite.

Having said that I must have been very lucky because I was offered a seat each and every time whilst commuting when pregnant, tube and bus, and my kids are often offered seats too!

Hah. I sound rather grumpy about that! Might be a bit of a sore spot.

If anyone needs a seat they should just bloody ask.
Because queen I shouldn't have to bloody ask.
Absolutely agree, Elder.
What happens to those who are disabled with speech/memory problems, like my dad? He couldn't have asked you for the seat whether he wanted to or not, it's very likely that wouldn't have understood him and he often became embarrassed/flustered when speaking to strangers.
Then there are the pregnant peoplr and those disabled who also have severe anxiety which is so crippling they simply can't muster the courage to ask.

If you notice someone getting on the train who obviously needs a seat a lot more than you do then just get up. It's not bloody hard and it's the kind/right thing to do.

Persian this thread is the first time I've heard of a priority seat card! Also the conductor can't even make it down my morning train, so no member of staff would enforce this.

Apologies for the typos

When pregnant I regularly used to end up sat on the floor because I felt faint and there were no seats - only once did anyone offer me a seat, even after I was on the floor head between my knees.

I regularly jump up if I see anyone needing a seat and am teaching my children to do so too. My boys regularly end up sharing a seat because I've turfed one of them out of their seat for someone more needy (I usually refuse to allow both of them to stand as two small children standing on a train or bus causes more hassle than it solves, and other people are perfectly capable of standing too).

I think the proportion of people who genuinely cannot ask for a seat is tiny, and those people should carry priority cards and present them as needed.

But people who just expect others to guess that they need a seat, and put it down to "bad manners" that they haven't been offered a seat are ridiculous. If you ask them for a seat and they say no = rude. If you just expect them to mind read and give you a seat without mentioning it in any way = not rude.

Besides, how do you know the person you want a seat from doesn't have hidden disabilities themselves?

Persian this thread is the first time I've heard of a priority seat card! Also the conductor can't even make it down my morning train, so no member of staff would enforce this.
That is the problem isn't it. Someone has the great idea of providing these priority seats and then because no one enforces the correct use of them they become seats for everyone.

What I would advise if you have a priority card is to ask a member of platform staff in assisting finding a priority seat once on board. I know of people doing this on Southern Trains. Once the staff member has shown you where they are, if they are all taken they will usually ask to check the priority cards of the people sitting there.

My two acquaintances who have done this said that at this point usually everybody vacates the seats as they don't have the priority cards.

Rudeness, bad manners, selfishness is rife in 2016.
Years ago- I'm very old- children were expected to give up their seats on buses and trains to adults. my mum would poke me in the ribs and whisper 'Get up and give that grown up your seat.' It was the 'rule'.
The implication was that if you travelled half fare, you gave your seat to a full paying passenger, but it was also based on 1950s- 60s politeness and 'knowing your place' as a child.

Not long ago I had to stand on a commuter train for the entire journey (at a weekend) while a family with 2 or 3 small children took up seats. The children were jumping around, sitting on their relatives laps and jiggling in the aisles, so they didn't actually sit on their seats much at all, yet the family never ever suggested they vacated a seat for the standing adults.

Ignorant.

I think the proportion of people who genuinely cannot ask for a seat is tiny, and those people should carry priority cards and present them as needed.

You think, you don't know what the proportions are though, nor do I to be fair but it's something to think about.
As others in the thread have pointed out priority cards aren't very well known, I didn't know they existed and in the years following his stroke none of my family including me nor my dad were ever informed of them by anyone. He had a discount card but I never saw anything on any transport website about them. I'm in Scotland, do you get them here?

I didn't have it so bad whilst pregnant, it's considerably worse now the child is here, people refusing to move out of the buggy zone on buses and so on. I've just learnt to manage my commute differently, but when circumstances prevent me from getting a later bus or walking, I really resent it.

Although there is the odd delightful person who helps me, I actually tend to find it's the older and younger men who offer.

I once had a young college guy, (maybe 17ish) get off the station a stop early to help me carry the buggy up the steps, he said 'it's ok I am early for college anyway'. I never got his name but I did ring the headteacher to pass on my thanks to his pupil, I was so touched!

On a Madrid tube there were no seats. I drew the attention of a young woman sitting in a priority seat by pointing at the sign. She had been on her phone and had not seen my stick, but she immediately jumped up full of apologies. A man sitting next to her, , on an ordinary seat, then offered it to my (hale and hearty) DH. We were very impressed with the good manners of Spaniards.

I'm very obviously pregnant and fell over the other day so when I got on my train I was quite upset and was crying (hormones). I asked a man in the priority seat if I could sit down and he looked genuinely annoyed until he saw people staring at him as he took a bit too long to get up.

I also ended up shaming someone into giving a man with a broken leg (leg in cast and a crutch) a seat earlier in my pregnancy. Everyone was ignoring him so I offered my seat. Another man who was standing up got quite irate about the fact I was the only one to offer and said 'I don't think you should be offering' which led to lots of scrambling for different people to get up who oddly all hadn't seen him before!

Where are all of these arseholes?!! I am yet to happen across any of them.

FWIW, I'm currently sporting a rather fetching baby on board badge. It's always women. I have NEVER been offered a seat by a man. Before the badge I had a horrible spell on a train (early pregnancy) and I asked someone in a priority seat if I could please sit down because I felt faint.

Was on a train last year with a very pregnant friend. No one noticed her so I asked the person I was facing if my friend could please sit down and he got up straight away with a muttered "sorry I didn't see you" (bullshit!)

People act so very entitled. Not making way for disabled persons on busses because their Pram is more important. Not offering seats for those who need them. Society is becoming something quite disgusting.

A colleague of mine was getting very irate yesterday about the fact that no one had offered his pregnant wife and seat on the Tube. However, I saw her today (she also works in the same office) and she wasn't wearing a Baby on Board badge; also, if you didn't know she was pregnant she isn't really showing enough to make it obvious (about four months gone I think). If neither of them actually asked about a seat they were probably being a bit unfair expecting someone to leap up. I make VERY sure these days after a 'pregnant' woman refused my offer of a seat - I noticed the lack of a badge too late

On a busy train a pregnant woman boarded. There was some looking around between seated passengers and a well-dressed business man said to a man in his 20s "You should give your seat to that woman".

Young man looked a little confused, but gave his seat to the woman. Then he stood by the businessman, raised the leg of his jeans a few inches and asked "Excuse me, would you mind allowing an amputee to sit please?"

On my local bus, the elderly often sit on the aisle seat of the priority seating therefore taking up 2 seats. Until they shift over, I'm not going to give up my seat and stand until unused seats are taken.

Well it seems the train company I use don't do priority cards anyway. I'll just have to get assertive. Or move my hours around to miss rush hour and drive to work instead!

AuntJane that is absolutely brilliant

I am kind of guilty of the bag on seat, pretend to sleep thing... I just do it if there are more than enough seats, to encourage people to sit elsewhere (I really don't like commuting)