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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that men don't want relationships with single mothers?

59 replies

Kinderbueno · 02/08/2016 20:00

I'm 27 and in the middle of divorcing. I have a DC who is 13 months.

The marriage didn't work, it's so sad but I am getting over it.

I'd love to meet someone, but men only seem to want one thing from me. AIBU to think men don't want to take on a single mother?

Please reassure me!

OP posts:

c3pu · 02/08/2016 20:02

YABU, I'm a single dad and I have similar problems lol

c3pu · 02/08/2016 20:03

YANBU even!

mathsmum314 · 02/08/2016 20:04

its just a problem meeting

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 02/08/2016 20:05

I think it gets easier as your children get older.

3perfectweemen · 02/08/2016 20:07

Nope I was a single mum for five years. Had three boyfriend's and I ended each relationship. I am now married and dh loves my ds like his own. You might be going for the wrong type maybe.

Osolea · 02/08/2016 20:08

YABU.

I never had any problem dating or getting married being a single mother, but my children have a great Dad who spends time with them at weekends and during the holidays meaning I always had some time away from my dc. That's the thing that makes the difference in my experience.

seasidesally · 02/08/2016 20:08

hmmmmm i some what agree,also a friend said men were differrent 20 odd years ago and i would have to agree from the last 3 yrs being single myself and my experience of them

SookieandEric · 02/08/2016 20:09

YANBU

user1466690252 · 02/08/2016 20:10

We met online, we fell in love, got married and im pregnant all in 3 years. I never ever would of beleived it was possible in the beginning after my divorce. It does happen. Just focus on on being the best version of yourself you can be for yourself and your child. The rest will come.

44PumpLane · 02/08/2016 20:12

YABU- I've several lone parent friends who've had very successful dating lives.
One who was typically the one to end things with her boyfriends who is now engaged to a lovely guy who also has kids.

One who has a young son and has met (within the last year) a guy that makes her very happy.

Another pal with a 7 year old who has just recently been married to a wonderful young guy who is the brother of another friend.

Two of the above three guys had no kids themselves. I'd think of more examples of I tried!

SexDrugsAndOnTheDole · 02/08/2016 20:14

Yabu

I was in exactly same position as you 9 years ago, same age, same age baby and everything

Been with Dh 8 years 6 months now and got 2 more dc 7 and 2.

The right man won't be phased by your "single mum" status but be warned some absolute Twats may see you (wrongly) as desperate

Foslady · 02/08/2016 20:16

Don't think it's the single parent thing, just bloody impossible to meet anyone at my age even OLD, but then again I live rurally which doesn't help

bitemyshinymetalass · 02/08/2016 20:17

yanbu to think that, but yabu to think its something wrong with them. If its not what they want, thats a personal choice. Far better to say so, and not be one of those step parents that don't like being one or whatever.

I'm not single but if I was I wouldn't date a single dad. I'd have no interest in being a stepmother to someone elses children, I wouldn't be any good at it anyway.
Whats wrong with that?

Zame · 02/08/2016 20:24

Hate the phrase 'take on', what like its some kind of challenge to date a single parent? Like they're doing you a favour by dating you?
Psh, stop thinking of yourself as being less than any other person just because you've given birth. Like other posters have said, you look after you and your child, the only thing that'll affect your dating may be logistics (babysitters etc)

VoldysGoneMouldy · 02/08/2016 20:26

Some men don't want to have a relationship with someone who already has children. Just as some men and women don't want children at all. But YABU to think that there is no one out there.

Fairylea · 02/08/2016 20:26

Yabu.

I have been married twice since being a single mum. (Long story). It's never put anyone off. The only difficulty is childcare when you are dating!

augustwashout · 02/08/2016 20:27

Its naive to say it doesn't add a different dimension but without wanting to call children - baggage - everyone comes with something, some one...

I dont feel having DC would affect any future relations at all. But its the getting out to meet people thats an issue. I also hate the take on phrase, we all - take something on with someone else.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 02/08/2016 20:29

YANBU. I've had shit luck in the 7 years of being a single mum. When I wasnt single, I had plenty of offers I didnt want.

SaucyJack · 02/08/2016 20:37

I think it depends how old you are.

There gets to an age in life where 99% the currently single will have children, exes, divorces, yadda yadda, and it's those who haven't ever been in a serious relationship that are the ones you might wanna avoid.

Life happens. Most people past a certain age are realistic.

coveredinhopeandvaseline · 02/08/2016 20:42

My sister met her lovely current husband after her divorce and had a 3 yo DS. He treats him as his own son and they've been together 14 years.

Take some time to be on your own, heal, enjoy your little one...you're 27, plenty of time to find a partner when you are feeling less raw and hurt.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/08/2016 20:56

When I was single I made it a policy never to date a man with children. My life, my choice. I may very well have 'missed out' on some very nice men but them's the breaks. There's nothing wrong with that choice. What would have been wrong would have been to get involved with a single dad and then been resentful of the time he spent with his children or to have tried to interfere between him and his ex as co-parents.

As far as the 'only wants one thing' I think that's a universal problem having little to do with children/no children. I think it's just when you're a single mum you are necessarily looking for 'more' in a relationship than just a shag. At least, that's what my single-mum cousin feels. She feels that there's just more 'at stake' when you have kids so you're looking for men who are more 'serious-minded' as it were.

YelloDraw · 02/08/2016 20:59

Well, I think it is obviously harder as a single mother who has to worry about her children and has a 'past' than as a bright young 21 year old with no ties.

However that goes for me too, I know that I would be very hesitant to date a man who had children (30s).

HealthtAtEverySize · 02/08/2016 21:00

Yabu Many men are in the same position as you they are single dads, divorced dads etc.

Griphook · 02/08/2016 21:01

hmmmmm i some what agree,also a friend said men were differrent 20 odd years ago

Curious what do you mean different?

Ragwort · 02/08/2016 21:06

If I was single I wouldn't want to date someone who was just going through a divorce, and had a 13 month old child - I would assume (rightly or wrongly) that it was far too early for someone to think about dating.... and would wonder why they were so 'keen' to get back on the dating scene so quickly.

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