AIBU to think that men don't want relationships with single mothers?

[Kinderbueno]

I'm 27 and in the middle of divorcing. I have a DC who is 13 months.

The marriage didn't work, it's so sad but I am getting over it.

I'd love to meet someone, but men only seem to want one thing from me. AIBU to think men don't want to take on a single mother?

Please reassure me!

Difficult. I met my now wife at roughly your age through online dating. I think I ticked the ,'no children' box. It wasn't a case of not liking children, but at that stage in my life was footloose and fancy free and (rather selfishly perhaps) didn't want the complication of dating a parent and having a child in tow and didn't want or need the hassle of having to plan dates and the early stages of courtship around babysitters, school runs, vexed issues about staying over, exes when do you meet the children etc, what role do I have in their lives.

Fast forward ten years and I would feel very differently and am hopefully more mature and would be happier to date someone with children if the situation was stable.

However, I'd be concerned about the precise stage in life you were at, very young child, divorce in process and would be slightly curious as to why they were keen to establish another relationship whilst in the midst of a ending their current one : part of me would fear that they were either a) rather rushing things and not properly ready to move on or rather more cynically b) looking for a ready-made daddy replacement to slot into place. I really wouldn't to throw myself into the middle of that maelstrom. I'm not saying either is the case with you, but in the slightly detached and superficial world of online dating, I'd be extremely cautious if confronted with that particular set of circumstances.

Yabu. I'm a single mum and have had no issues with dating.

Having children limits your potential market but doesn't eradicate it.

I agree with Hedda.

Thinking "Men want X" or "Men don't want Y" massively oversimplifies.

I was seeing this guy my son was about 4 he had never meet my son and actually asked me if there was any possibility of my son living with his dad 😳

I actually thought he was joking he eneded things said I was a grate girl and if my living arrangements ever changed I should give him a call wtf

It is perfectly possible to meet someone when you have children. I have 3 and my dp has 1. We understand each others situations. He is also in the middle of a messy divorce, but that's another story!

I think it depends on the men you are dating and how old they are.

This is a perspective from someone who is old enough to be your mum and maybe older than your mum!

Both my DCs are adults and are slightly older than you. They are still single, though are dating long-ish term partners, but not living with them. I can't imagine either of them seeking out a date with someone your age who is divorcing and has a child, because my DCs are not ready for that kind of responsibility - caring for someone else's child. They are too busy working long hours, settling into careers ,paying off uni debts and seeing friends etc.

I also think that at 27- which is really young- you should be focusing on you, your child, and your job, not thinking about replacing your DH so quickly.

If on the other hand you met a man in his mid 30s who was ready to settle down and be responsible for a step-child, that is different. But most men your own age are just too immature on the whole.

I'm a single mum too, and thinking about the possibility of dating again, but feel really nervous. Lovely to read about so many positive experiences and happy endings. Would anyone be prepared to share how they met their new partner? It might help the OP and others in our situation. Is it mainly via OLD or does anyone have other suggestions?

I met my dp on ok cupid. I found online easier because with children I don't go out much. If you say you have kids on your profile, people know that from the get go and so it's not an issue.

This thread is so reassuring, thank you. I don't want anyone else now, but I know that one day I will want to move on, I don't want to be alone forever!