To think this is not a fucking cafe?

[calamityjam]

I am getting so fed up of children and food likes/dislikes. I have 3 dc's at home ds2 age 15, dd age 13 and ds3 age 8. Every time I make a meal or buy food recently one of them says "Oh mum you know I hate that". It is getting ridiculous now, I have to make seperate meals without sweetcorn or ham or whatever else they won't eat. Last week dd was the only child at home for tea so I offered her 6 options for tea, all of which were refused and she sulked in her room for hours until I felt bad and ordered her a takeaway because she hadn't eaten all day. Cereal is a joke. Every single one I buy, one child will not eat it. They all like weetabix but say they are getting fed up with it now. I have a list of about 10 meals which they will all eat but are not very cheap to make. Any ideas gratefully accepted.

In my house dinner is cooked. They eat what they like out of it. if they refuse then they go without. unless it is something they really really dont like. Like tonight DD1 and Ds1 had baked potato with cheese. Ds1 had beans. DD2 cant stand potato so had beans on toast.

Job done.

YANBU It's all about balance isn't it - it's good to let them know they are heard as individuals and can make decisions. They probably won't realise how unreasonable the pickiness and sulking is until they become parents themselves. Give them responsibility. Get them to sit down together to plan and shop for a week's meals - that they decide on together. Then they cook. And they wash up. Together. Be as hands off as you can - they do it, they eat. They don't - they starve. They'll either enjoy it and learn from it or try a sulky refusal. It'll no doubt take greater self discipline for you to stick to it. But with decision making power comes responsibility - basically they need to walk in your shoes for a week. Good luck!

A health visitor said to me once' there are no food fads in poor homes'. How true. Try a choice of two for your child - eat it or go without. I cannot believe you offered six things and then rewarded her with a takeaway, after sulking!!! Really not wanting to be harsh here because I had a real tussle with my DD over food, but in the end I used to put her plate on the table, without comment, and take it away when we had all finished eating - end of story. No arguments, her choice was to eat it in the reasonable time that it took everyone else to eat, or go without. Pandering to outrageous behaviour just causes more outrageous behaviour, and she won't be getting that kind of tolerance if she goes to friends houses, or indeed when she grows up. Good luck!

blimey, i've got an autistic child who is a restricted eater, and i can still find meals everyone eats.

I also don't understand what the issue is with varying the meal to suit different people.

DH and I had pie and chips last night. DS doesn't eat pie, so i chucked him a couple of sausages under the grill, and DD didn't want sausage, so i put some chicken nuggets in with our pies. DH wanted beans, i wanted peas.. so i did both.

As long as they all eat 1 thing, its not that much of a hassle to vary what goes with the staple.

I am well known in my house for saying "this is not a hotel!" I offer 2 choices for breakfast and lunch, and 1 for dinner. That is more than enough Imo, I've got enough to do!

Haven't read the whole of the thread. Not really got any helpful advice sorry. Just came here to sympathise. My sister was a fussy eater and my Mother pandered to her. It did kind and f spoil days out, holidays etc as it was always "she won't like te food" or "we can't to a Chinese buffet X doesn't like the food." I once dated a fussy eater and I couldn't cope with it!!
My two who are 10 months and nearly 3 will have to like it or lump it. I will be doing no pandering etc.
Problem I have my 13 year old SS who now lives with us has been and I'm sure he just does it to be awkward half the time. I've bought him a load of freezer junk and he does his own now. I did find it frustrating on our recent holiday though when his sister was with him. Trying to find a meal for all six of us was a nightmare.. Guess who was always the issue...

Usually we eat together and all eat the same. Today I cooked a new recipe (baked chicken risotto). DD (7) tried it and ate the chicken out of it, but then apologised and said she didn't really like it. I told her that was fine and then got her a ham sandwich as I knew she hadn't eaten much. If she refuses to eat something she's happily eaten in the past I don't make her anything else. If we're going to have something I know she doesn't like, we'll make her something at her normal time then eat separately later.

I wouldn't have pandered to refusal of 6 meals and given a takeaway. That's just taking the piss.

Is this post a wind up? I can't believe anyone would pander to their children like this it's mad.

I agree with grease. I think some people are so keen to be of the mind 'like it or lump it/1 meal or go hungry' that children aren't allowed to have genuine dislikes. DD is going through the butter phase, I don't like thick butter in a sandwich, it tastes horrible so I make sure it's really thin so you can't taste it, no big deal. DS doesn't like potatoes, I'll do him the same meal with dry pasta if we are having potatoes.

DD is pretty easy to feed and eats most things, DS is more awkward but I'll just slightly taylor the veg we are having or leave beans off his plate, DD gets roast with no gravy etc, but we ultimately have the same meals and I never ask what people want, that would be fatal tbh. DD no longer likes milk on her cereal because she is so slow it ends up as mush, she has it dry with a cup of milk. There is a balance between not forcing them to eat (and I'd never do this and disagree with anyone who forces a a child to eat something) and slightly altering a meal which is perfectly acceptable.

We do have 7 different types of cereal though, for 4 people! DH's fault as he buys it but we all generally eat a couple of different types with cross overs between us but we all like a choice so I'd never offer 1 and expect everyone to all eat that each day.

I agree harry

I think you should allow them to do the supermarket shopping for one week. Give them a budget and ensure they stick to it. Let them shop for it, cook it, clean up afterwards and see what they come up with. If its a week of ice cream and cookies so be it. Let them experience how hard it is. They are not little babies so stop pandering to their every whim and make your own life easier.

Did you ever watch the programmes where they sent families "back in time"? The first few days the kids were refusing foo because they didn't like it, after a few weeks they were eating what they were given, an enjoying it, because there was no other choice. Even DD who has a tiny appetite will eat most things, children will eat what they're given if there's no alternative as no-one will voluntarily starve. (Eating disorders excepted)

People who say it's your own fault your children are fussy & you've caused it by offering them different food, have never really experienced a genuinely fussy eater. Trust me. I have 3 children, 2 are fine at eating & will try different foods, the other, will not. That's just how it is & after trying everything, I've accepted that she'll change (hopefully) in her own sweet time, with gentle encouragement x

You're too soft! My 18 month old doesn't get pandered to like that!! He hasn't starved yet!

Unbelievable! I have 3 kids who all like (and hate) different foods; they cannot and do not expect what they love at every meal. I'm occasionally obliging in that I'll give fewer meatballs/mushrooms/peppers to the child that doesn't like them, other than that they know that I've bothered buying it and cooking it, therefore they are going to eat it.

It's easy to say you make whatever and they have to eat it but when they'll eat something one week and not two weeks later it's flipping annoying. I've not been well and have dropped the ball a bit, not helped by DD becoming vegetarian and only eating enough to keep alive (unless it's cake, ice cream or chocolate) and I feel they've taken advantage.

None of them will write on the shopping list or tell me what they want to eat, except DD who will say nothing. Having always eaten cereal they now don't like them.

Ds has just moaned after being told off about his attitude to me yesterday, DD has snapped at DH.

I turned the wifi off twice today. Got them downstairs and they were told how it's going to be. I've looked after them too well and it's back firing now. -all because I wasn't fed as a kid and still have food issues

Op you have created this situation so no sympathy for you. You can hardly complain when you pander to this ridiculousness.
Leave her to sort out her own meals and you will see how fast this fussiness disappears.
Your fault running around offering so many alternatives and then a takeaway. You need to stop being such a doormat. Are you really teaching her anything?

My mother catered to my father's and my food preferences, which occasionally led to her cooking three different meals for one evening. (My father ate only fish and meat gravy, no pork or poultry; I hated fish and most veg; Mom is a middle-of-the-road eater.) 20 years after I left home, I now have two kids of my own, who regularly balk at what I cook, but I refuse to repeat what my mother did. I try to maintain variety and healthy choices while also respecting what they like to eat, but I will not cut out cooked veg from my diet just because they don't like it. If they refuse to eat what I've cooked, they know where the bread and cold cuts are, and they know enough to bring it to the table themselves. (They are 7 and 10.) They do have to try things once before deciding it is terrible. They eat a lot of raw veg (cucumbers, carrots, cherry tomatoes, red peppers, etc.)

I had them make a list of what they like, and I choose from that about 4 times a week. This means that the sibling doesn't always like what the other has chosen, but again, he then knows it's a sandwich meal for him. When they are older and can be trusted not to burn themselves, I will teach them both to cook. You can teach your kids to plan meals based on what's on hand and what's on offer at the shops, and then how to cook it (learning to read a recipe is also a valuable skill). All is not lost!

If they want a cafe then give them one - present them with a cafe menu for the week:

Option 1: Same as I'm eating (free)
Option 2: Fish and chips (£15)
Option 3: Sausage and mash (£12) etc.

If they decide to be fussy then you get to make a nice profit

At the very least the 15 year old can sort their own food out, if they are refusing the meal the OP has cooked for them. So can the 13 year old, quite frankly.

I'm currently on holiday, self-catering. DS (14) wants a takeout. I have already paid for food out at a cafe today for both of us so want to cook at home tonight, as it's cheaper, and I want to spend my limited holiday money on other things. He has decided to use some of his holiday money to order a pizza, and pay for it himself. That's fine with me - not least as he's getting a deal so he can get one for me, too!

I offered him food I know he likes. He preferred something else, so he sorted it out himself. Problem solved, and I don't feel like the wait staff.

My parents did the "like it or lump it" and "eat it now warm and in company or later, cold and alone". Has caused massive food issues for me. I now struggle to eat on my own which is shit because I am a single mum and rarely get to eat with DC (weekends only as DC get dinner at nursery). I present DC with meals, if DC doesnt likw them, I take it away, no comment made. If she is hungry later, I offer a healthy snack (fruit usually) and she can wait until next meal. So far, so good. Kids don't starve themselves (unless they have a disorder). Rewarding bad behaviour is clearly making a rod for your own back, but so is linking eating with negative feelings (cold, alone, punishment). Kids need to feel they can influence their life and make decisions, but have to understand that it has to be balanced with not causing the parent (or whoever) to go to disproportionate efforts.

I was made to sit for two hours eating a dry horrible pork chop as a child 14-15 ish. I can't get my head round that as you can't force feed a child.

Member25106 agree completely. I love it when people get on their high horses about how they don't pander and in their house they eat it or go hungry. Try doing that with a child that genuinely seems to have a real thing about not trying new food or not eating something they say they don't like. It. Won't. Happen. Ever.

DS seems to have issues with food, don't know why or how. Was a brilliant eater as a toddler. Ate everything and anything. Then suddenly started dropping the odd thing, no big deal, until it got more and more and he just wouldn't eat certain things no matter what we did. We tried the whole 'you will get what is put in front of you and that's it' after 5 days of him eating no tea (and we didn't offer toast/sandwiches/fruit as he would have gladly lived on that) I couldn't keep doing it to him. I was purposely starved as a child and I refuse to let my children go hungry within reason.

We did nothing different with DD and she is a brilliant eater who loves sprouts at 5. It is dependant on the child.

I remember being made to sit with blamange of all things and I refused to eat it. I tried a tiny bit, the texture was vile and I had to sit there for over 2 hours. I hadn't even asked for it.

I think there is a difference between food that they just don't fancy or aren't their favourites and food they really don't like to eat. Still scarred by being made to eat liver once a week even though it made me gag, I won't cook different meals but I will make adjustments. One child will eat most things, one is much more limited. So she often doesn't love what I cook but knows she has to eat it, but I don't serve her things she really hates, like baked beans, cooked carrots. I can imagine with 3 kids the list of hated foods becomes more complicated, but you are making a massive rod for your back with your current routine. Your kids are old enough to understand if you put your foot down and explain why. They might not like it but tough!

'Eat it or starve' is all well and good, as long as you're not trying to force your kids to eat what you want.. they're little people with their own likes and dislikes.

I try to have a rule for DD (no eating issues herself, but grown up with DS's) that she has to try things at least 3 times before she's allowed to say she doesn't like it, it gives me a good idea of what her likes and dislikes are.

However, i would never offer 6 things and then get her a take away, not a chance. She gets given a choice of 2 things and has to choose.

Like i said earlier, last night was 'i'm doing chips, do you want sausage or nuggets with it?" or another night i'll say "Its pasta, do we want pasta bake or lasagne?"

if either of them genuinely don't want what i'm cooking, they get toast or cereal.

life is too short to create drama over meal times.