To think this is not a fucking cafe?

[calamityjam]

I am getting so fed up of children and food likes/dislikes. I have 3 dc's at home ds2 age 15, dd age 13 and ds3 age 8. Every time I make a meal or buy food recently one of them says "Oh mum you know I hate that". It is getting ridiculous now, I have to make seperate meals without sweetcorn or ham or whatever else they won't eat. Last week dd was the only child at home for tea so I offered her 6 options for tea, all of which were refused and she sulked in her room for hours until I felt bad and ordered her a takeaway because she hadn't eaten all day. Cereal is a joke. Every single one I buy, one child will not eat it. They all like weetabix but say they are getting fed up with it now. I have a list of about 10 meals which they will all eat but are not very cheap to make. Any ideas gratefully accepted.

its happened I'm afraid because you've allowed it.havgina dislike of sweetcorn is different to detesting or allergies etc.i dislike bacon but will tolerate it when the family has it in meal because its not allllll bad just not my fave. they don't hate certain foods just have gotten away with having every they REALLY LIKE.dont let them pick and choose in this way.if they dislike they will duffer it if not offered ought else.o go without.eventualy they will be smart ass's but will come round once they know you need to cook one fo all and all need to compromise.ask them all between themselves then to think of once or two to replace the Weetabix but that's it.not one for each.
if we didn't like something we either ate it or went without.but actually no we weet told to bloody eat and and did because we did as we were told!i cant believe kids would even go without and not do as told.at best the portion was split in half and we would be told to eat one half.
and I'm so thankful now because we like so many foods so many I was fussy over and am not now.

In our house it's a case of eat what's put in front of you or go hungry.
We know their basic likes and dislikes and wouldn't be so mean as to put something in front of them that we know they hate, and have always hated but I don't pander to whims.
There enough to do without making 2 or 3 separate meals in some vain attempt to please everyone. It's. It like you even get any thanks if you do make the effort!

Yes, I think parents need to take some control regarding treats.
It reminds me of getting ice-creams from ice-cream van outside school.
I decided we'd have a Friday ice-cream treat if I had the money on me.
This cut down on the DC asking for one on other days.
Or at least meant I could answer with "maybe on Friday"
If it was Friday, and if I had some change, then we'd get one and enjoy it.

Both DDs come shopping with me and I encourage them to choose their own food, they are 13 and 15 too. So DD13 chose some muffins "to go with eggs" and mozarella cheese which she likes on toast. Today she threw a tantrum at lunch as there was NO FOOD IN THE HOUSE!! I said why don't you have a muffin or some of your mozarella. She said I can't have that a muffin as you haven't offered me any egg with it and I can't have mozzarella on toast as I don't know how to use the grill, its not my fault you never show me how to cook and so on.

DD15 chose a selection of fish - fresh sardines (prepped), squid and marinated prawns. I was just about to go out today when she said there was nothing in the house to eat, I said what about all that fish, she said there is nothing to go with it so I can't eat any of it. What she meant was that unless I prepared pasta, rice, noodles (she likes a choice) and vegetables with the dishes, she wouldn't eat it. So I missed my appointment and she went without lunch.

Its exhausting and expensive. But the worst part? DH does it too. He doesn't eat rice, or pasta, or chicken or most fish or Quorn. He likes beef and pork with potatoes, preferably chips. Thats it.

Clearly though the entire thing is my fault - which is what my family say in the first place.

Agree with many PPs: offer one meal, the kids can eat or not, as they choose. I would never insist that a child must eat a particular item. Encourage them to try something, yes. But I would never do the "eat three bites of this" or "you must eat X in order to get Y." That approach just introduces an element of coercion that can quickly turn into an unnecessary power struggle IMO. And it can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food (not always, of course, but it can).

I also think it's fine to respect a child's preferences up to a point. A PP mentioned putting butter on her child's sandwiches even though he doesn't like it. I can't understand why anyone would do that. Butter is not essential to a sandwich, it's hardly a big deal to leave it out.

I used to make 2 suppers a night. If dd and I both liked something, you could almost guaranteed dh wouldn't, and if dh and I liked something then dd wouldn't. For a household with 2 adults and a small child it was ridiculous, so I stopped.

When I first started serving liver, they both said it was disgusting. Weel dh said he hated liver, but then his mum was a crap cook and I'm not so he was pleasantly surprised. DD however, tried to refuse it; it only took half a dozen times before it became one of her favourites.

Strangely, it was the only meat I was happy to eat as a child.

BTW, I said earlier, my mum didn't make me eat meat - and that was the only concession she made, due to cost of meat not down to giving in to faddyness - but she would cut me a hunk of cheese to replace it. I discovered the very weird joy of a lump of cheddar faintly melting in hot gravy which was simultaneously faintly congealing. That was my protein component of many a Sunday lunch

Memoires I am very tempted to give them all that on Sunday!!

OP it got so bad in my house, that on one occasion I came home to be greeted with "what's for tea" so I said "spaghetti bolognese"
This was met with a chorus of complaints, to which my reply was "are you going to eat it?" "No" then we'll save the money and we'll just pretend that I bought the ingredients, cooked it and you refused to eat it, and it ended up getting wasted. They all went hungry that night! It did the job, for a while anyway!

Bridges I wouod be very tempted to tell them all that, as you clearly can't cook whatever is right, then you will stop cooking for anybody.
dc1 is 13yo and can cook a few things. he has had food tech at school anyway. I would let him get on with it (and help if there was any need. But really to cook pasta or rice or boil vegs you don't need a lot of instructions!).
They can all cook or decide to accept whatever you have prepared.

Latest one being that they no longer like butter. DH panders to the kids, I dont. Sandwiches and/or toast still gets made with butter and the dc can take it or leave it
I don't get that. I don't pander to the dc with food at all and meals are very much take it or leave it. But if your kid asks for no butter...just give them sarnies or toast with no butter, surely?

Actually I can when it's a food that was totally acceptable before and it's becoming one more food added to a long list of things that 'i am not going to eat'.

As another PP said, faddyness is something you will outgrow if you force yourself to eat different things and stop screaming disgusting just at the view of something new/that you don't fancy etc...
I've seen plenty of children doing that because their parents dind't want meals to become a battlefground couldnt be bothered with the fight. The result is now young adults who don't eat any vegs, have a very restricted diet etc...
I have a major issue with that on a health pov tbh. THIS will be an issue as they are getting older (think cancer, CVD etc)

I grew up in a take it or leave it kind of house and hated it. Especially when DM got the food my db and I genuinely didn't like the wrong round and then we would have to clear our plates. It made meal times miserable for everyone. I would never knowingly feed a meal to someone I knew they didn't like.

I involve dd in decisions about what she is having. She doesn't get 6 options and then a takeaway, she gets a choice from some options "do you want a ham or a cheese sandwich" "do you want spaghetti bolognese or macaroni cheese?" Once she's made her choice she is expected to eat it with no fuss, and she usually does. As she gets older she will be involved in the weekly food plan. I know that I didn't like being told what to eat, even now I don't like to be served a huge roast when actually I just fancy beans on toast, so I wouldn't do that to my dd.

I believe most meals can be tweaked to accomodate everyone, but you need to involve them at the planning and before cooking stage.

Growing up we had the same things every week eg tues-stew, weds: pie. My mum started a cleaning job in the evenings when I was 11 and my brother was 16. She'd still make our dinner for when we got home but I thought it would be good to try some meals myself. Just chicken tonight that kind of thing but now I love cooking. Does your 15 year old come shopping with you? It might be a good idea to involve them in the meal planning and take your kids shopping so they can see how much stuff costs.

Once mine got to 16 , I stopped caring what they ate. We rarely eat together but there is always cheese, eggs, bread, pasta, fruit and veg in the house.
I am not angsting any more about their health. Its their responsibilty and they won't starve.

Are they nightmare guests in other people's houses? Ones that rarely get re-invited? Or do they suck it up.

4 kids, 4 adults in our house. Eat what's available and be grateful or go hungry. Hunger won't kill them. If they miss a couple of meals because they are showing their discontent tough tits.

I'm just cringing as I remember as a child I refused to eat any other baked beans than Heinz so my mum bought a small tin just for me. Now I buy own brand

Muskateer I think it's completely different to be forced to clean your plate with things you don't like and to be asked to cope with the sweetcorn/mushrooms you don't like/hate but is there in small quantities (ie you can leave it on the side of your plate).

In the same way, it's different to insist a child is trying a food several times before saying 'I don't like it' (or the famous 'I hate it') and to force repeatidily a child to eat something that they makes them gag (I had one or two foods like this as a child).
And it's differnt again from asking anyone to TRY before they say they don't like it, as in really trying, not saying it's disgusting just by looking at it, spend 5 mins convincing yourself it will be disgusting and then trying it and thinking it's awful (of course it will, you've just put all your effort into convincing yourself it will be rather than approaching it with an open mind).
I'm always wondering how these people cope when they are travelling etc... (or rather I know, they will be the ones who grumble because there is no steak and chips in an Indian restaurant etc...)

My daughter was a fussy eater, and I occasionally did her something different from us, but six options then a takeaway? No way! Like others have said, one meal for everyone. Eating disorders aside, children won't usually starve themselves. At 15 and 13 they should be learning to cook too. Involving them in meal planning nurtures an interest in food, nutrition and budgeting, and makes kids realise that food does not just magically appear on the table, thought and preparation goes into it.

My DCs are 14, 16 and 18.
Their meals are whatever is put in front of them, no other choices. DC1 hates roasts (he hated cheese for 10 years when his old nursery friend hated cheese), DC2 hates fruit and recently eggs, DC3 doesn't like rice or onions or mushrooms.

I don't avoid any of it.

I agree mammoth, my daughter is encouraged to try, and I don't accept "I don't like x" when I know she usually eats it or hasn't had it before. But I'm not a fan of take it or leave it this is what I have cooked. Mostly when you go out you have a choice, unless going to someone's house but in the main they will have tried to ensure they make something you will like.

I don't see the point in putting something you know they don't like on their plate, even in small quantities. If it's a genuine I don't like, for example I hate Brussels, I would never put 3 Brussels on my plate for me to ignore so why would I do that to someone else? I would put them of my dd hadn't tried them, but if she had and doesn't like them then it's pointless and a tad wasteful.

At 13 & 15 and in the holidays they can make their own food!

I try to make 3-4 different veg every evening - dh and I have everything, the kids are more selective, I'm not pandering but they are still getting a choice.

Laughing at sprouts! Two of my DCs hate them but every Christmas dinner they have to have one on their plate because it's Christmas. Just the one mind

The 13 year old doesn't know how to use the grill, the 15 year old can't boil some pasta to go with the expensive fish selection?

They sounds vile to you OP. You need to reclaim some respect here and start acting like you mean business, stop with the doormat approach they are just treating you worse and worse.

Next time you use the grill - show them both. Next time you boil pasta, show them (and show them the bloody packet where it says how long to boil for!).

I think children often don't differentiate between 'I don't enjoy it' and 'I won't eat it,' especially when they're given free reign to only pick the food they really want to eat.

Something that you 'don't enjoy' might be a food that you wouldn't order in a restaurant or buy in a shop, but presented with it, you would actually eat it - it's just not something you'd necessarily look forward to. Food is essentially fuel, so nobody has the right to only expect to eat food they enjoy 100% of the time, especially if they don't shop/cook for themselves.

Food you 'won't eat' is something that you'd refuse even if you were genuinely hungry and it was the only thing available - if you were served it at someone's house you would leave it even if it was impolite to do so. For most NT adults, that's only really a handful of things.

I'm not saying that anyone should be confined to a life of only eating food for sustenance rather than enjoyment - I think engendering enthusiasm and enjoyment of food and an appreciation of tastes, textures and flavours is important and helps children to become more adventurous with things that they don't perhaps enjoy initially. However, only ever offering 'enjoyed' foods is going to limit their palate and repertoire massively.