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Original poster

To think this is not a fucking cafe?

197 replies

calamityjam · 02/08/2016 18:05

I am getting so fed up of children and food likes/dislikes. I have 3 dc's at home ds2 age 15, dd age 13 and ds3 age 8. Every time I make a meal or buy food recently one of them says "Oh mum you know I hate that". It is getting ridiculous now, I have to make seperate meals without sweetcorn or ham or whatever else they won't eat. Last week dd was the only child at home for tea so I offered her 6 options for tea, all of which were refused and she sulked in her room for hours until I felt bad and ordered her a takeaway because she hadn't eaten all day. Cereal is a joke. Every single one I buy, one child will not eat it. They all like weetabix but say they are getting fed up with it now. I have a list of about 10 meals which they will all eat but are not very cheap to make. Any ideas gratefully accepted.

OP posts:
paxillin · 02/08/2016 19:38

DH or I cook. Everyone can eat, nobody has to. No alternative is offered. Introduced when eldest was 6 and started a ridiculously picky phase. We were down to three meals when we said enough. Took a week to realise we meant it and no alternative meal is forthcoming if a perfectly good one was refused.

MiaowJario · 02/08/2016 19:41

Let them veto a few foods they genuinely hate, get them involved in shopping/cooking and let each one pick a meal on a regular basis e.g. Once a week or fortnight (but make sure they have to factor in each other's vetoes and your vetoes, so they start to understand what kind of position they are putting you in). On their birthday, they get to have whatever they want.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 02/08/2016 19:44

Meal plan together and pin it to the fridge , as for cereal could they choose a cereal each

KenAdams · 02/08/2016 19:46

Make more than you need at each meal. The one that doesn't like what you cooked that day can have leftovers from yesterday or the day before. A lot of things are ok in the fridge for 2 days.

Memoires · 02/08/2016 19:53

I was one of 3 children. My mum made whatever food she did, and if there were bits one of us didn't like, then that one of use spent a large part of the meal picking the unfavoured bits out and putting them tidily on the edge of the plate. I stopped eating meat when I was about 7 so she didn't waste any on me, and gave me more veg, but that's about the full extent of her bending to our faddishness. One of my brothers still picks mushrooms out of anything, but he doesn't make a fuss, you wouldn't notice until the end (I've heard people exclaim "oh, don't you like mushrooms?" when the plates are being taken away).

Stop pandering to them, or you'll end up with 3 food horrors who will cause their partners nightmares!

WaxyBean · 02/08/2016 20:06

DS1 (aged almost 7) is allergic to milk, eggs and nuts (and undergoing testing for coeliac but that's another story). A wonderful consequence of this is that he's as unfussy as can be as he has never been able to ask for other options - if I spend ages cooking him a meal that he can eat there is no way I'm cooking another. He declares that the only foods he won't eat are asparagus, Pak choi and brown sauce - fine by me, I can cook without these. He'll eat pretty much anything else, seafood, onions, spicy food, lentils and most other things children refuse are favourites.

Stillunexpected · 02/08/2016 21:15

To think this is not a fucking cafe? - indeed it's not, so why did you turn it into one?!

DinosaursRoar · 02/08/2016 21:16

I have banned the phrase "this is disgusting" - it will result in Mummy losing her temper and potentially the loss of screen time. I allow "this isn't to my taste." you might not like something, that doesn't make it disgusting if it's perfectly acceptable food for everyone else.

Tough love - get it done now when y ou aren't stressed rather than lose your shit at them when you're stressed out when your course starts!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/08/2016 21:27

So your signature Asparagus, Pak Choi and Brown Sauce Surprise is off the menu now, Waxy? WinkGrin

Such a shame!

chattygranny · 02/08/2016 21:44

Dinosaurs - good for you - I banned it too and said I'd throw the plate of food away next time anyone said it (no substitute) and I only had to do it once! I explained it's like a teacher tearing up your school work and saying its rubbish.... Between sobs! All reasonably wide ranging eaters now grown up.

freezermalfunction · 02/08/2016 21:57

The 6 year old has the potential to be fussy about food i.e. they will turn around and declare they no longer like x, y or z.

Latest one being that they no longer like butter.

DH panders to the kids, I dont. Sandwiches and/or toast still gets made with butter and the dc can take it or leave it. Ditto cheese sauce and anything to do with melted cheese. Funnily enough the best friend at school has an absolute hatred of cheese in any way, shape or form

DH can also be fussy about food, especially vegetables. Throwback from a v.fussy eater growing up on a 70's diet with a mother whos idea of food is ham, egg and chips

Anyway I digress. Meals get plated up here and I have a 5 bites rule. However making any sort of derogatory noise (vomiting, ugh type stuff), action (pretend vomiting) or comment will end up with the offending person eating their meal in the back porch alone. Ditto really picking at meals.

What is ok though is expressing an opinion about the food on offer e.g. its too spicy or leaving the less liked portion of the meal on the side of the plate.

One meal, serve it and if they dont like it tough

MammouthTask · 02/08/2016 21:59

Dinosaur yes that and all the accompanying noises of different types. And yes they are allowed to say 'I* don't like it' instead.

dangermouseisace · 02/08/2016 22:04

I make either 1/2 meals - 2 if it's meat/dairy as I'm vegan. I just make sure there is bread on the table, if they don't like the meal at least they are eating something. It makes them a bit more likely to try things without getting arsey about it. I said that they are allowed 3 things that I won't serve them- a 'hate' list. Only 3 as otherwise the list would be long as my arm, and focuses on the stuff they really don't like. It has to be specific as well, e.g. not 'vegetables' but can be 'sweetcorn' .

lovelybangers · 02/08/2016 22:21

No young DC here now - just me, DH and DS (18).

I do the shopping and cooking if I am home. during the day when I'm at work they sort themselves out.

I don't ask either of them what they want for dinner - I generally have a plan in my head and will say i'ts xx this eve, okay? They never say no. Grin

When DS was young I didn't ask him what he wanted to eat unless we were out in a cafe or restaurant. Other times he ate what he was given - ditto at nursery/childminders/school.

When i was at school there was no choice. We all sat down and ate the one meal of the day - served at the table. No concessions for anyone back then !

I didn't like a few items, but ate them- as we had to.

pestov · 02/08/2016 22:30

You said you're doing a PGCE this year? Use this as practice for the inevitable "I've lost control of the class!" Phase that you will go through. Your strategy will be different for primary vs secondary, but will still work with the other DCs.

ShtoppenDerFloppen · 02/08/2016 22:33

Members of the family here always get 2 options for meals.

Take it...
Or leave it.

You reap what you sow when you pander to every demand of a child. Unless there is a medical reason why someone can't eat something, they eat what they are offered.

End of.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 02/08/2016 22:42

I would buy a box of cereal each - that is no loss to you as it won't go off or need extra preparation and the cost is the same whether 3 children eat a portion each from one box and finish it in a day week, or each having their own box and taking 3 days weeks to finish it...

There is no magic solution other wise - a lot of people swear by putting serving bowls in the middle which sounds lovely in practice but a big faff in reality - and if you deconstruct your meals how can you season things properly or make them taste of anything if the flavours don't mix during cooking?

We generally loosely do the everyone eats the same and do sometimes serve things one person doesn't like, or adapt a bit, or substitute something, because if we all ate the same and only ate things everyone liked every component of we'd only get to eat about 3 different meals ever...

What I always take away from these threads is an amazement that other people's kids ever choose any other food option when the fall back is bread. One of my 3DC is ridiculously fussy and I am 100% sure would eat dry bread for every meal until constipation became a major issue if he was allowed - he certainly wouldn't get bored of bread or toast after just 4 or 5 meals, or 4 or 5 days, or 4 or 5 weeks... :o Our kids get to eat apples and carrots if they don't want the main meal, or porridge if properly hungry - and still the youngest rejected every meal and lived on apples, carrots and the odd bowl of porridge at dinner (and sandwiches for lunch) for what seemed like months at one point!

PersianCatLady · 02/08/2016 22:51

So if they do refuse your food, they have a sulk and then you give in and buy them a takeaway.

It sounds like your kids know exactly how to play you.

GreaseIsNotTheWord · 02/08/2016 22:58

Latest one being that they no longer like butter. DH panders to the kids, I dont. Sandwiches and/or toast still gets made with butter and the dc can take it or leave it

I don't get that. I don't pander to the dc with food at all and meals are very much take it or leave it. But if your kid asks for no butter...just give them sarnies or toast with no butter, surely? Confused

dangermouseisace · 02/08/2016 23:01

my eldest (9) says he doesn't like potatoes/rice/pasta.

I think he got fed up with whining/living on bread on Sunday because he actually ate an entire roast potato.

Ambroxide · 02/08/2016 23:05

DD is 9. If she doesn't like what I have cooked she is perfectly able to make herself a sandwich and get a yoghurt and some fruit. Mostly she opts to eat what I have cooked. Your kids are all old enough to make a sandwich etc. Maybe you just need to be a bit tougher about what you are prepared to do or not do.

Tezza1 · 02/08/2016 23:07

I saw a TV chef with EIGHT children give a tour of his home and fabulous vegetable garden (where he grew a lot of the stuff used in his restaurant). When asked how he and his wife cater for so many children, he replied they are served a good nutritious meal and if they don't like it, that's okay, they don't have to eat it, but nothing else will be offered because there's plenty of other foods - cooked stuff, fruit, vegetables and snack type stuff for them to go and find something that they like. Additionally prima donna behaviour as regards eating was not tolerated.

Botanicbaby · 02/08/2016 23:10

Sorry OP I haven't read all the thread but I'm aghast that you offered 6 choices then ordered take-away.

That's your problem right there. Please stop pandering to their whims which will only get worse the more choice you give them.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 02/08/2016 23:11

I only make one supper an evening. Everyone likes it.
If they didn't (DS is occasionally fussy about something and doesn't finish it all) then they could have something simple like toast, fruit, yogurt, or cereal.
I definitely think you are giving too many options.
And take-away should be only for special occasions, not for refusing to eat what you've offered Shock

SpaceDinosaur · 02/08/2016 23:17

"I make meals without sweetcorn", without ham etc etc etc

Sweetcorn is not toxic. Put it on their plate or on their pizza or in their pasta bake and let them remove it themselves FFS they are not babies. The ability to accept a plate of food and not eat the "offensive" parts is a social skill. How the hell do they cope at friend's homes, when they eat out, when they're offered something new?

They need to learn that they can't eat their favourites all the time. You need to stop pandering to your children. They won't starve.

And put a bloody stop to rewarding refusal with takeaway.