To think this is not a fucking cafe?

[calamityjam]

I am getting so fed up of children and food likes/dislikes. I have 3 dc's at home ds2 age 15, dd age 13 and ds3 age 8. Every time I make a meal or buy food recently one of them says "Oh mum you know I hate that". It is getting ridiculous now, I have to make seperate meals without sweetcorn or ham or whatever else they won't eat. Last week dd was the only child at home for tea so I offered her 6 options for tea, all of which were refused and she sulked in her room for hours until I felt bad and ordered her a takeaway because she hadn't eaten all day. Cereal is a joke. Every single one I buy, one child will not eat it. They all like weetabix but say they are getting fed up with it now. I have a list of about 10 meals which they will all eat but are not very cheap to make. Any ideas gratefully accepted.

Menu plan with the kids and if they whinge offer a slice of bread and butter instead.

Things like tacos or fajita I serve up buffet style so everyone helps themselves. Works well in our house and saves me the job of playing up and wasting food.

Other meals like spag Bol or Mac cheese I plate up.

Some brilliant ideas, thank you. I think I have just got into the habit of asking instead of just giving. Ds (15) does offer to cook fairly often and can cook almost anything but he is the least fussy. DD is just ridiculous the only meat she will eat is chicken which I am sick to death of. Last week we had chicken paella, chicken and veg pie, roast chicken etc. I think I do have to toughen up a lot. When the older 2 lived at home there was 7 of us and I never offered options, its only as they have got older.

We have a sign in our kitchen which says something like "Today's menu: take it or leave it".

I am not a short order chef, I do not cook to order. I cook one meal for everyone. Offering multiple choices and agreeing to cook for individual preferences is what has got you to this situation.

she sulked in her room for hours until I felt bad and ordered her a takeaway because she hadn't eaten all day

She's not daft - turn your nose up at mum's cooking, whine and sulk and mum will buy a takeaway.

I used to have this issue, eventually i had enough & my daughters not fussy in the sense that she dont like alot of things, but will often refuse what im cooking simply cos shes not in the mood, used to drive me mad, so in the end i ranted that im not a bloody cafe and if you don't want what im cooking then either go hungry or cook tour own bloody dinner

So i taught her how to cook & thats what we do now to save any rows, would never have given in and got her a take out tho

With the others, you don't order a takeaway because a child has rejected 6 meal options (assuming they were all relatively 'normal' meals you've served before and she'd managed to eat at least part of it). at 13, if you also have bread, milk, cereal in the house, she can sort something herself if she doesn't want to eat the same meal as you are cooking for you/DH/the rest of the family.

Re cereals, I wouldn't be fussed about finding one they all like, it is no more effort to pour a different one in each bowl (although give yourself a stern talking too if you are pouring out the cereal for a 15 year old!). Can you not have 4/5 boxes in the house, they eat what they want, when one box is emptied, you replace that one, realisitically after the innitial purchase of a bunch at the same time, you'll end up spending the same over a month as if only 1 person is eating each one they'll last longer?

If you want them to stop acting like your home is a cafe/hotel, then you need to stop acting like you are their staff. Make meals, buy in food, let them eat it or go hungry. The 8 year old might need help sorting out toast if he rejects dinner, but the others I'd just see if they manage to fend for themselves once they are hungry and you aren't offering to fix that for them.

Blueberry, I think you are right about the not being in the mood thing. I am sure they have eaten things and when I make them again they whinge.

I know your problem exactly. Ask them for suggestions as to what to get from the supermarket - no ideas. Make food - someone will surely not like it. Sometimes I think I should move into a takeaway, they would be more than happy with the food then (as long as its the type of takeaway cuisine they like!)

My DMum cooked a meal and we had a choice. Eat it or don't eat it. There was nothing else offered either. It never occurred to us kids there was such a thing as choice. We just ate what was put in front of us, end of

I have 4 full time dc, 3 extra part time and other visiting older dc. We usually discuss meal ideas the days up to 'the big shop' and then try and cover most ideas. I know who hates what and what can be omitted off a plate or 2 per meal. School hols are sandwich etc for lunch and cooked tea ( usually let them check freezer /fridge for general idea then make one even if have to slightly amend to suit. Omelettes are a great idea - put out several filling options and they select their own (same for jacket pots). Or at their age let them make their bloody own!! (teens!)

Buffet style here too. Lots of separate veg options, salad and two main meals, veg and meat. ( I grew up in a a eat it or leave it house, I often just left it and went hungry. Children are no different us and just don't like stuff.)

It works for me as I freeze the leftovers which means there is often a spare meal to be had.

I feel your pain.

DD1 (teen) doesn't like potatoes. Or most meat. Or pies. or most veg. Or anything normal that I cook. She does like pasta or rice dishes, risotto or sausages or burgers.

DD2 eats anything I put in front of. She's 10. And the easiest person to feed.

DSD is 13. Doesn't like veg. Not even onions. Or anything I would add to pasta bake or bolognaise. Doesn't like rice.

Dp doesn't like rice or pasta.

I'll eat anything.

I've got to the point of 'if you don't like it, cook something else' because I'm absolutely fucking sick of the whining that goes on in this house at mealtimes. I've pointed out that I spend half my life trying to keep them all happy and I'm bloody sick of it.

I try and cook each person's favourite meal at least once a week which is great for that person, not so great for me listening to the whine of 'I don't like sausages/rice/chilli/peas'.

I'm just sitting there thinking 'shut the fuck up'. :o

Agree with most pps.

If they were my children, I'd call a family meeting and tell them the cafe is closing! Explain its too stressful for this situation to continue and that there'll be one meal only from now on. Explain that they eat it, or pick out what they like and leave what they dislike.

My children really dislike stir fry, but I'm damned if I'm going to stop cooking it as it's tasty and healthy. They always moan but I steel myself for the moans beforehand!!

Offer bread and butter alongside the meal if needs be, but nothing else. Fruit for pudding.

So I'd call a family meeting personally - there's no way they can keep treating you like this and it needs to be explained calmly and rationally. Just repeat your mantra - "eat or dont eat, its up to you. i wont force you to eat anything, but im not cooking anything else. end of."
Good luck OP!

My line is: this is a catering facility, not a restaurant. This is what's on offer.

I also have a week 1, 2, 3, 4 meals listed and that's what's coming. It was drawn up with SOME consultation, but more of an eye to balance, ease and nutrition.

My kids are younger so I get its easier and this can't last, but I refuse point blank to cook more than one meal.

Tbh, we have one rule in this house. If you don't like it, you leave it on the side of your plaste and eat the rest. So there is sone ham, well you leave the ham aside, eat whatever else there is.

No 'I don't quite fancy that'. As you said, home isn't a resturant/cafe and you're not a chef at their disposition to cook what they fancy on the day.

If they really don't want to touch it, then there are fruits and bread.

We also have a rule that when you try something new, you need to try it at least 5 times before you can say if you like it or not. Because sometimes a new taste feels weird so it's easy to reject it but once you have got 'used to it' then you might well really love it. (that's from their toddler years bit still in place the odd times when they try something new)

I would compromise on breakfast - just buy a few packets of cereal so they all have something they like, but dinner - 6 choices and then takeaway - crazy!

To the poster who asked if I pour the cereal. No I certainly don't, or make their lunch. I may make the 8 year old cereal on school days but that's if he daudling. I must admit since I became a full time student I get a lot of holidays so I am around a lot more than I used to be and they have become lazy. They are going to have one hell of a shock when I do my PGCE next year as it is back to mum being out at work again.

I've got 5 DC who all have their own likes and dislikes.
Every so often I get them to write a list of 10 favourite meals.
I then go through and find meals that 2 or 3 of them like.
When I meal plan for the week I coordinate so even if I'm doing 2 meals in one night they will be easy meals to do.
For instance 4 of them had macaroni cheese for tea tonight. The 1 who doesn't't like it had chips and battered chicken. Both meals were cooked at the same time so minimum effort for me.

"Buy one cereal.

Do you only leave yourself one breakfast option or do you like a choice? hmm"

Oh, I like a choice. So do my dc. Here is my breakfast zone!

But I made my suggestion of buying one cereal as a part of a week long short sharp shock to put and end to the six meal option madness.

I would set them a challenge - they must write the menu for next week, catering for everyone's dislikes. The menu must be affordable, practical and varied.

I suspect this will bring home to them how difficult it is to cater for their fussiness. And it might get them to agree on some meals they can tolerate, even if they don't love them.

Also I would say "When you are just cooking for yourself, you can have as many likes and dislikes as you want, and cater to every single one of them. I have the whole family to feed, and as you can see from the menu writing exercise, it is damn near impossible to make a menu for the week that caters for ALL your likes and dislikes, and doesn't consist of only a couple of meals!!"

Our children have compulsory school lunches and have to eat everything put in front of them there. This has been the same since they were 3. The school food isn't amazing but it is varied so they've been introduced to many different foods through it and also learned that if they eat up they get to go outside and play, and tomorrow will be something different. Luckily, this has meant they're very happy to eat anything at home. We, and the nanny, and their grandparents who they eat with regularly all take a similar approach, albeit food at home is slightly nicer than at school.

However, they're only 8 and 5. I'm sure as they get older, they are bound to want to rebel and refuse or start disliking certain foods. Not sure what will happen then. Cooking different meals for different members of the family does sound like a nightmare so my sympathies are with the OP. Sorry not to have any advice.

Doesn't like rice?

Unless you really believe there is a food phobia or some SEN then my view is that half the world would starve if rice wasn't acceptable to all.. and potatoes and pasta. It's just preference and i wouldn't tolerate it. Moan and moan, but it will keep coming and you will eat a mouthful every time.

It's unrealistic to expect them all to have the same tastes, DH and I have several cereals alone between us never mind the children.

I cater to likes and dislikes, easy enough to tweak meals. Nobody has to eat anything they don't like.

I write down what we are going to eat, then run it past everyone, make some alterations for dislikes, then it's not a surprise, but I like cooking and would rather please than give a take or leave it option. My family pick different cereals each and I buy according to each persons likes rather than just one option. Works well for us!

I sympathise as usually have to cook 3 different meals a day. DS 6 has ongoing issues with food and only eats certain foods, same every day. DH and I both have siblings who were the same so it must run in the family ? We are veggie and like spicy food and generally stuff our meat eating DD3 wouldn't want, so I do her something different as not going to make her eat the same thing every day like DS! She's not long off chemo so I do pander to her a bit with food, but at least it's not like when I'd cook her 3 different meals in tandem trying to get her to eat and keep her off a feeding tube! I think in your situation, I'd be tempted to do like a weekly menu, get the kids to pick something each and plan the weeks meals, try to keep out any really contentious ingredients where possible or keep them large so could be picked out? Then they know what's coming and you can plan your shopping. And if they don't like it, toast or cereal. Or buy their own flipping takeaway. See if they're as fussy when it's their own money!

Cheerfully tell them they can eat whatever they like when they shop, cook and pay for it all. Meanwhile, everyone needs to get used to the idea that sometimes they will have to eat things they are not so keen on (as opposed to genuinely dislike) to make things easier for the family cook. I had to eat pasta last night and that would never be my first choice but I cba to cook something different just for me.