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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a grown man should be expected to pack for his own holiday?

127 replies

FetchezLaVache · 02/08/2016 11:30

Been with DP 18 months. Don't live together (yet).

Just on the 'phone to MIL (who is, in all other matters, absolutely lovely, btw) and she asked me, with reference to our upcoming holiday, if I have packed DP's suitcase yet.

I naturally tried to laugh it off, but she was deadly serious.

I pointed out that I will be packing for myself and my 6 yo child, but that DP will be expected to assemble his own holiday wardrobe.

She reasoned that this state of affairs would inevitably lead to his forgetting something vitally important.

I argued that he'd just have to go to the nearest town and buy another.

I'm not sure I convinced her that this was reasonable, but I think at least it's now fairly clear that this is how it will be.

It's worth noting that DP has at no point expressed any wish for me to pack for him... but I am starting to see why he finds his DM a bit smothering.

OP posts:
ssd · 02/08/2016 11:35

I worry I'll be like this when my boys grow up

ssd · 02/08/2016 11:35

of course YANBU

LostSight · 02/08/2016 11:36

I bet your DP is relieved to have a woman in his life who doesn't believe he's a still a child. My DP would never let me pack his bag. I'd almost certainly forget something. How do I know what he wants on holiday?

YANBU.

Artandco · 02/08/2016 11:37

Haha , no way.

My 5 and 6 year olds now pack their own stuff mainly also. They get what they think they need, and place it on my bed in a small pile. I will tell them x amount of tops or whatever to help. Then I just glance to check they haven't forgotten say pants and it gets packed.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 02/08/2016 11:38

As PP said I wouldn't know what to pack for someone else! And would hate someone to pack for me.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 02/08/2016 12:05

I don't know how or why other men find this hard, you just need to think ahead before you start ramming stuff in a case. Versatility is the key. Along with his travelling outfit he could take:

Pair of pants for each day
Three pairs of shorts
t shirt for every day
Sandals/flip flops
4 polo shirts/ casual shirts for evening (polos are more versatile)
5 pairs of socks (depending on how likely he is to wear sandals/go sockless in the evening)
A pair of smart trainers/casual shoes (plain converse handy to dress up/down)
2 pairs swimming shorts
1 pair chinos.
1 hoody
1 light cotton jumper for evening

practy · 02/08/2016 12:07

Anyone finds it hard if they have not done it before, not just men. But I never had anyone to pack for me once I was in Secondary School. After making a few mistakes and forgetting important things, I got better at remembering what to pack. It is a basic skill that every adult should have.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 02/08/2016 12:07

That would be for a week's beach holiday.

gamerwidow · 02/08/2016 12:10

I don't pack DH bag for him if forgets something then that's his problem to sort out . I've got enough to do packing mine and DDs things.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/08/2016 12:10

If he's old enough to be in a relationship with a mother of a 6 YO, chances are he has packed a suitcase before so knows what he needs to put in it unless his DM does it up to now and she is trying to pass the job onto you.

Amelie10 · 02/08/2016 12:11

I enjoy packing Blush so DH is lucky that his stuff gets packed. I love the whole lists, planning and organizing so it's a win win for us.

soupey1 · 02/08/2016 12:18

We're the other way round! I get what I want to take out and dump it on the bed, place it carefully in neat piles, and then DH actually packs everything. On the way home he gets to pack not only everything we took but all the nice breakables I have bought and he has never messed up once. I love DH.

allegretto · 02/08/2016 12:24

I don't pack for my husband and I don't pack for my son (11) although I do sometimes check what he has put in. Is your MIL Italian by any chance? Sounds like something my (late) MIL would do!

problembottom · 02/08/2016 12:34

DP and I would fall out if I packed for him as I just shove stuff in half an hour before we leave for the airport. My aim is to wear and use absolutely everything in my suitcase, which should weigh as little as possible.

DP likes to pack a wide variety of outfits. Plenty of different options in case of inclement weather. He likes to have a full medicine cabinet at all times and at least five travel adaptors on the go.

Dowser · 02/08/2016 12:39

Way back in the 70 s I used to pack for my first husband.
Then I forgot something . He shouted at me.
He got to do his own after that.
Bloody cheek!

Pengweng · 02/08/2016 12:42

YANBU

Although saying that i do the actual packing but Dh gets all his shit together and leaves it in a pile and then i pack it nice and neatly so we only have to take one case for the four of us. If Dh packed we would all need a case each. Grin

BiddyPop · 02/08/2016 12:53

I am confused as to how she expects you to pack for him when he doesn't even live with you?! How are you expected to know what he has and what he wants to bring from another household altogether?!

RainyDayBear · 02/08/2016 13:06

I would laugh hysterically at DP if he asked me to pack for him. I do know a couple where the wife has that kind of role though (I will never forget seeing her stop getting ready herself to iron his shirt because he could not work the iron himself ). I find it very odd!

Mojito7 · 02/08/2016 13:39

Ha - saw this thread and today I am, in fact, in the middle of "project pack" for DC and DH (as well as myself obvs)! Does nobody else do this? Tbh the actual packing is the least of it - it's the washing, ironing, shopping that's the tiring part.

DH has never packed for himself and has always expected me to do this - even when he goes on business trips (which is most weeks for 1 or 2 nights). I am a SAHM though and he works very long hours, so maybe that's why? We are Late 30s and early 40s (him). Also, not an excuse, I know, but I do hail from a Southern European nation (can't speak for all of us, of course) Grin

I might well show him this thread later!

TheNaze73 · 02/08/2016 13:40

YANBU, it sounds like his DM has raised an incompetent adult

Whathaveilost · 02/08/2016 13:45

The only time I've packed for DH was when we were due to set off from France after work one yer but there had been a death in the family.(DH is self employed) long story short he phoned and asked if I ad time to gather his things. Of course I did, we help each other out but generally speaking we do our own stuff.

Mojito7 · 02/08/2016 13:47

Also meant to say YANBU OP as you don't even live with him so how could you have access to his things anyway?

Careforadrink · 02/08/2016 13:52

Yanbu. The mil has failed as a parent if her adult son is incapable of packing a suitcase.

TroysMammy · 02/08/2016 13:55

Of course YANBU. How can he honestly answer the check in persons question "have you packed your case yourself?" They will piss themselves laughing if he, a grown man says "no my Mummy did".

SecretMongoose · 02/08/2016 13:57

Mojito, I'm a SAHM and my DH works long hours and often works away and used to work away every week. Not once have I ever packed anything for him - he's an adult, why would he need someone else to pack his bag for him?
I don't even pack for my older children any more (8 and 10), just tell them how many pairs of pants etc they need and they get it all ready.