Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To think that a grown man should be expected to pack for his own holiday?

127 replies

FetchezLaVache · 02/08/2016 11:30

Been with DP 18 months. Don't live together (yet).

Just on the 'phone to MIL (who is, in all other matters, absolutely lovely, btw) and she asked me, with reference to our upcoming holiday, if I have packed DP's suitcase yet.

I naturally tried to laugh it off, but she was deadly serious.

I pointed out that I will be packing for myself and my 6 yo child, but that DP will be expected to assemble his own holiday wardrobe.

She reasoned that this state of affairs would inevitably lead to his forgetting something vitally important.

I argued that he'd just have to go to the nearest town and buy another.

I'm not sure I convinced her that this was reasonable, but I think at least it's now fairly clear that this is how it will be.

It's worth noting that DP has at no point expressed any wish for me to pack for him... but I am starting to see why he finds his DM a bit smothering.

OP posts:

SecretMongoose · 02/08/2016 13:58

Oh and OP, of course YANBU

Mojito7 · 02/08/2016 14:06

Mongoose - as I said, I will be showing DH this thread this evening!

Also, when your DHs actually arrive on holiday, do they actually hang their own clothes in the wardrobe? Or would it remain in the case for 2 weeks or whatever if you didn't unpack for them as well? Just wondering now.

Sweetandsour93 · 02/08/2016 14:11

YANBU however I remember one occasion when I was on holiday with family friends. The dad (in his 50s) had been left to pack for himself for a week in Spain. We all got to the hotel and he unpacked his stuff and realised he had no underwear for the week

Babyzoo · 02/08/2016 14:18

Of course yanbu. This kind of attitude really annoys me. My in laws are like this and fil doesn't even know where his own stuff is.

I've got to say though, we've all got our areas, dh packs his own but he always thinks I take too much, however I just pack for all weather, he always the one that hasn't got a coat when it's raining or any shorts when it's hot.

LBOCS2 · 02/08/2016 14:30

DP and I would fall out if I packed for him as I just shove stuff in half an hour before we leave for the airport. My aim is to wear and use absolutely everything in my suitcase, which should weigh as little as possible.

DP likes to pack a wide variety of outfits. Plenty of different options in case of inclement weather. He likes to have a full medicine cabinet at all times and at least five travel adaptors on the go.

This is us. Now that I'm at home most of the time I make sure that all the wash baskets are empty and everything clean, and there is an open suitcase in the middle of the living room floor. DH does his and I do everyone else's.

isittimeforcoffee · 02/08/2016 14:36

I pack for my oh (in fact, tomorrow's job is packing for our holiday!). I always have, just like my mum did for my dad. Nothing to do with him being lazy or incompetence, but because I don't mind and tbh, I find it easier. We mix everyones clothes up in the cases in case one goes missing at all, nd then I make a checklist to make sure everyone has eveything. He would be quite capable with packing it, but I am a stickler for organisation and I would hate for someone not to have something they need. I don't want the hassle or expense of having to buy it whilst we are away. He's told not to wear anything he wants to take after a certain day , and to put his toiletries etc in the spare room ready, but no, I do it quite willingly.

DeadGood · 02/08/2016 14:36

"Way back in the 70 s I used to pack for my first husband.
Then I forgot something . He shouted at me."

AARRRRRGGHHH

MrsKoala · 02/08/2016 14:42

Dh can pack for himself but always forgets vital things and then we have to spend ages searching for a shop (not much of a treat on holiday). Everything he does pack is creased and often dirty. He doesn't care, but I do. Also packing completely inappropriate stuff for our plans. So I pack.

I also buy all of his non work clothes, because the only time he cares about his clothes are if they are for work.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/08/2016 14:59

Had a colleague who always packed for her husband since according to her he'd only forget something vital and then blame her (not the nicest man in the world).

However I couldn't believe she pandered to him like that - buggered if I would. If he forgot something vital once, it'd soon teach him, like it taught me once to be a bit less dozy after I forgot to pack any knickers and had to charge around Prague looking for knicker shops - thank God for an M&S in the centre.

Dh always packs for himself, has it down to a fine art and will do it in half a hour. He had a lot of practice on so many business trips, and will still only ever take carry-on baggage however long he's going for.

Original poster

FetchezLaVache · 02/08/2016 15:14

YY Practy- I would be doing him a disservice if I packed for him, really!

But as PPs have said, how could I anyway, even if I wanted to? I'd have to let myself into his house whilst he was at work and search round for his mankini, etc.

OP posts:

MrsKoala · 02/08/2016 15:14

I think if you are a forgetful person you never learn a lesson by forgetting things. Both dh and I are forgetful and have had real arse ache when things have been forgotten all our lives. It's never taught either of us to be any better at remembering. We just lurch from one self inflicted disaster to another and live in chaos.

RB68 · 02/08/2016 15:15

I make sure everything is clean but all members of the family now pack for themselves. DD at 10 even knows to give me notice of things she wants to take that are dirty and need a wash.

Original poster

FetchezLaVache · 02/08/2016 15:17

soupey - that's a damn good idea, actually. DP gets a great deal of enjoyment out of loading my dishwasher, so I'm sure it wouldn't take much to get him to take over packing duties for the three of us...

OP posts:

Idrinkandiknowstuff · 02/08/2016 15:18

My ex expected me to do his packing. One year I forgot to pack his pants. He was way too tight to buy more, and so expected me to wash his one pair every evening, and dry them on the balcony ready for the next day. This, he reasoned, was entirely fair as it was my fault he didn't have any more with him.

I bloody did it too. Idiot!

PinkissimoAndPearls · 02/08/2016 15:25

I would have asked her how the possession of a penis would hinder his packing ability? Ugh.

My DH is very quick at packing, as he only has about three pairs of jeans and five T shirts. He would basically just throw all his clothes in. It's great as I get my side of the suitcase, and most of his side too

Not that we have been away for ages, mind

LotsOfShoes · 02/08/2016 15:25

Most women I know pack for their DHs...I guess if they're doing it for themselves and the kids, they somehow see it as it being easier to also pack for DH (a view that I completely disagree with)
I did it once (can't remember why) and forgot his pjs - that was 4 years ago and he always packs his own now. I don't touch his suitcase etc. If he wants something to be clean and ironed before hand, he makes sure it's in the laundry bin/ gives it to the cleaner. I don't get involved.

Emptynestx2 · 02/08/2016 15:29

This is interesting, my mum always used to pack for my dad, for business and leisure trips, she just always did and I never questioned it.

My DH travels a lot and packs his own case though I do all the washing and ironing beforehand. We've just got back from a weeks holiday where he forgot swim shorts - too many work trips! :-)

Whatssheonabout · 02/08/2016 15:31

Sorry had to post to all you Sahms /wives who are thinking of packing for your DHs this summer. Stop this madness now!

As for you Mojito - Step back from that suitcase!!!

I bet you're the type who cooks and irons for your DH as well aren't you?

This is not the 1950s. Tell the DH to get a grip ffs.

Gottagetmoving · 02/08/2016 15:34

My DP would never let me pack for him and I wouldn't let him pack for me.
Most of my friends pack for their husbands because they don't trust them to pack the right stuff (?!) Or because they won't to decide what clothes their husbands take!
Any grown man who cannot pack a case should not inflict himself on a partner

MardAsSnails · 02/08/2016 15:39

YANBU - they absolutely should be able to.

However, once I let DH pack for himself. He took 17 shirts and t shirts, one pair of shorts, 6 pairs of shoes and no underwear. I reason that it's better for my blood pressure that I deal with it. Whenever BIL (31 and single) comes to visit, MIL rings us to see what we have planned for he week so she knows what to pack for him. Utter useless, the pair of them. it's MILs fault for pandering to them for fucking years and treating them like babies still

flowery · 02/08/2016 15:39

"when your DHs actually arrive on holiday, do they actually hang their own clothes in the wardrobe? Or would it remain in the case for 2 weeks or whatever if you didn't unpack for them as well? Just wondering now."

You unpack for your DH?? Good grief. Surely it's his decision whether he would prefer to leave things in the case or hang them up? And he's on holiday not working "long hours" so that excuse is irrelevant even if it was relevant for packing.

I don't unpack for my kids (9+6), let alone DH.

TheDowagerCuntess · 02/08/2016 15:40

DH always asks me to pack for him, and I always say no. It's become a bit of a running joke now. I would hate someone to pack for me, and as he is not a 7YO child, he can do it himself (as he full well knows).

I can - as always - see why SAHMs might do it, and it's why - as always - I could never be one. It would make me feel like a maid/PA/employee to do it. No thanks.

BiddyPop · 02/08/2016 15:43

BTW - I generally pack for DD and myself (DH has done DD in the past, and I usually get the moans from her about what is in the bag, he picks what he'd like her to wear whereas I go with things I know she will wear).

DH gets out all of his things, and I generally actually pack them into bags, and actually pack the boot of the car. But that aspect is because I am far better at squishing it all in without breaking things.

We've done it on occasion where I've left my things out and DH packed up, he usually comes to beg me to revert to the actual packing role.

But we both work FT, and he does all the ironing and most of the laundry in our household to be fair.

practy · 02/08/2016 15:44

If a DP packs the wrong things, then let him. Natural consequences will soon mean that he doesn't make that mistake again.

handslikecowstits · 02/08/2016 15:53

My husband does all the packing. I lay out on the bed what I want to take with me and he packs it. He likes doing it he says. He has been known to unpack at the other end too. I let him get on with it. He hums as he does it.

We both share all the chores except cooking, not after his 'fish in glue' experiment.

My father expects me to do everything for my husband short of wiping his arse once he's had a shit. He is a neanderthal and a misogynist.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread