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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that a grown man should be expected to pack for his own holiday?

127 replies

FetchezLaVache · 02/08/2016 11:30

Been with DP 18 months. Don't live together (yet).

Just on the 'phone to MIL (who is, in all other matters, absolutely lovely, btw) and she asked me, with reference to our upcoming holiday, if I have packed DP's suitcase yet.

I naturally tried to laugh it off, but she was deadly serious.

I pointed out that I will be packing for myself and my 6 yo child, but that DP will be expected to assemble his own holiday wardrobe.

She reasoned that this state of affairs would inevitably lead to his forgetting something vitally important.

I argued that he'd just have to go to the nearest town and buy another.

I'm not sure I convinced her that this was reasonable, but I think at least it's now fairly clear that this is how it will be.

It's worth noting that DP has at no point expressed any wish for me to pack for him... but I am starting to see why he finds his DM a bit smothering.

OP posts:

BarbaraofSeville · 03/08/2016 14:52

So Mojito, did you pack clothes for your DH, did he actually do it himself, or is he currently trying to knit the cables from all those chargers into a pair of fresh underpants?

doctoratsea · 03/08/2016 14:54

Two words only: mummy's boy

MrsKoala · 03/08/2016 14:54

I don't need to ask myself what i'm doing. I have already said i pack because i don't want to go out with dh in crumpled dirty inappropriate clothes or live in a hotel room for a week with clothes strewn over the floor. I'm not sure what excuses i have made.

I have never said he worked long hours as a reason - i said he doesn't care about clothes. I do. Even if he was a unemployed and had all the time in the world i would still pack/unpack, because if i didn't i would be pissed off on holiday.

heron98 · 03/08/2016 15:36

I am horrified that in 2016 women are packing their husbands' cases!

It seems so....old fashioned, like you're a little maid.

Smurfnoff · 03/08/2016 15:54

I think it's partly a generational thing. My dad wouldn't know where to begin with packing and suitcase, and my mom would never expect him to do it. Whereas my brother-in-law probably wouldn't even think to ask my sister to pack for him.

Bobochic · 03/08/2016 16:03

My father, who died this year aged 83, wasn't especially evolved/enlightened on the domestic front but he would never have dreamed of getting my mother to pack for him.

My maternal grandfather used to pack for my grandmother .

NuggetofPurestGreen · 03/08/2016 16:35

Smurf what's there to know?? You pick out clothes and put them in a bag? Not being smart btw just don't understand how (NT) adults couldn't pack a bag .

Mojito7 · 03/08/2016 18:02

Ok arrived in Italy and wi-fi resumed!

Catslife - what do I need to be thinking about? I never thought packing a case for DH was any big deal tbh. Of course I would do this for him. If he comes in from work at 8pm and we're travelling the next day, should I just say, "Oh I've packed for me and the kids - sort yourself out". He would think I was being purposely rude or was annoyed with him for some reason.

A marriage /relationship means that you help each other out doesn't it? 2016 or not?

We're not GPs btw (38 and 42). And he's not a "baby". I'm sure he can iron his shirts (it was a part of his training in the marines back in the day) There's loads of things he will do for me. It's ok people!

Piemernator · 03/08/2016 18:14

I never used to pack for DH but I'm basically a lady that lunches these days so have all the free time in the world. I assist him with packing, he has no free time so I don't mind. While he worked 12 hours yesterday all I did apart from cooking dinner, was a quick bathroom clean.

Today DS has hoovered all downstairs and I will have spent 1.5 hours doing chores max.

Before anyone starts worrying I'm a crushed maid type that relies on DH income and would end up living in a bed sit eating gruel if we broke up I could just buy myself a house and I do still have an income though I don't work. If it was me working all the hours and him having loads of free time he would do it for me.

sanaya3 · 03/08/2016 20:47

Well if you have nothing better to do......?

I think some men get the type of women they want

mumandgran61 · 03/08/2016 21:19

Back in 1980, I packed for me and my exH as his Mum had always done it for him and he just thought I would. I deliberately left out forgot to pack any jumpers for him. We were holidaying in the north of England, in the middle of nowhere. He was very cold for a couple of days until we found a clothes shop. He never expected me to pack again .

cardibach · 03/08/2016 21:29

A couple of years ago I went on holiday with a friend and was introduced to this concept of 'unpacking when you get there'. What is that about?
My stuff stays in the case until months after we get home.
DD has lacked for herself since she was about 10ish, but we are both list makers and run our lists last each other. No DP. Also never had a bag go missing (not tempting fate as I've already been away this year).

GarlicBreadItsTheFuture · 03/08/2016 21:36

I pack clothes for DH and DC because otherwise they all pack too much stuff and if we are checking bags I like to mix the cases. They pack their own personal stuff. Actually they are all quite capable but I like it.

Mojito7 · 03/08/2016 21:43

Samaya - do you need salt with that bag of chips?

Glad to hear you think your time is more valuable than mine

Whathaveilost · 03/08/2016 21:44

I never pack DH's clothes but I agree with Mojito

Relationships are give and take and if people ARE happy in the roles that they do what the hell does it matter what other people think and what give people the right to be snidey with comments like it's not the 1950's and other such put downs.

Sure if there is an arrogant expectation that some one will do things 'because it is a woman's job' then challenge to change but if there is repeat and teamwork then strangers on the internet should keep their sticky beaks out.

Whathaveilost · 03/08/2016 21:46

I meant 'respect' not 'repeat' in my post.

tibbawyrots · 03/08/2016 21:51

If my partner couldn't work out how many pairs of pants or how many tee shirts/smart clothes he needed for a week away I don't think I would be with him.

He packs his own things. I pack mine. We're both adults!

Whathaveilost · 03/08/2016 21:55

Got to love it when someone misses the point!!

Mojito7 · 03/08/2016 22:24

Whathave - and I agree with you

IAmNotAWitch · 03/08/2016 22:32

DH packs for all of us.

Everyone puts what they want to take on our bed (I help the 6yo).

Then he looks at the itinerary, chooses the suitcases and gets to work. He has a system so whatever you need at any stage of the holiday is right at the top of the case.

We all try to take as little as possible and have previously managed 2 weeks with just hand luggage before.

seagreengirl · 03/08/2016 23:05

Yes mine has a 'system' as well things inside things, inside other things. Weight distributed evenly. I wouldn't have the patience.

Smurfnoff · 04/08/2016 13:28

Nugget - I don't get why this bothers you. I'm not saying my dad's suitcase would burst into flames if he packed it himself. He just doesn't think in as practical and way as my mother does about these things (eg stuffing socks into shoes to save space, would he need a jumper in case it went cold at night etc.) It's just how some couples do things.

mumeeee · 04/08/2016 14:06

I used to pack for DH when the girls were little. Mainly as I was packing for me and the girls anyway it wasn't really any hassle to pack for DH too. However that was for family holidays when he went on business trips he packs for himself.
He now always packs for himself and always unpacks his stuff when we get to our hotel/apartment.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 04/08/2016 14:20

Oh it's not that it bothers me Smurf I just genuinely don't get how someone doesn't know how pack a suitcase. although I once went away for a weekend and forgot to pack any underwear so maybe I'm not in a position to judge (I may have been drunk when packing)

Lweji · 04/08/2016 14:24

My 11 year old packed his own suitcase.

I did put away his toothbrush, but then again, I forgot mine at least once and had to buy one.
And he packed the same number of T-shirts as the number of days, which is always a mistake.
Nothing like learning from experience.

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