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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that a grown man should be expected to pack for his own holiday?

127 replies

FetchezLaVache · 02/08/2016 11:30

Been with DP 18 months. Don't live together (yet).

Just on the 'phone to MIL (who is, in all other matters, absolutely lovely, btw) and she asked me, with reference to our upcoming holiday, if I have packed DP's suitcase yet.

I naturally tried to laugh it off, but she was deadly serious.

I pointed out that I will be packing for myself and my 6 yo child, but that DP will be expected to assemble his own holiday wardrobe.

She reasoned that this state of affairs would inevitably lead to his forgetting something vitally important.

I argued that he'd just have to go to the nearest town and buy another.

I'm not sure I convinced her that this was reasonable, but I think at least it's now fairly clear that this is how it will be.

It's worth noting that DP has at no point expressed any wish for me to pack for him... but I am starting to see why he finds his DM a bit smothering.

OP posts:
TheRadiantAerynSun · 02/08/2016 19:39

I will pack myself and DS's stuff and DH packs his stuff and any food, bedding or equipment needs to be taken. DS is 8 and starting to get involved in doing his own packing now.

When they go off camping without me I don't get involved at all.

I wouldn't actually mind packing his clothes as he does so much of the other organisation, but there's no way I'm entering that black hole of t-shirts he calls a wardrobe.

To me packing, like ironing and lunch making, comes under the banner of self-care and you should do it for yourself as soon as you're able.

lasttimeround · 02/08/2016 19:59

My father had me pack his suitcase when I was about 13 as my mother was away and he was going for a short break maybe half term with me and my younger sister. He was then angry and huffy with me for being "stupid" as I'd left the radio on accidentally snd the batteries had run out by the time we arrived. He was and remains an arse I realised much much later through counselling.

But no don't pack your DP suitcase.

lasttimeround · 02/08/2016 20:01

I still remember staring at his sea of shirts snd suits with no idea how to chose what he should take on holiday. Dnd thrn he was angry w me gor getiing it wrong. Arse.

MargotsDevil · 02/08/2016 20:09

Blush DP has been known to repack for me as he's ever so particular about how the cases are packed (we tend to start with a case each then mix it up so everything fits) but to be fair this has often made the difference between being able to buy souvenirs and bring them home and not. Works for us!

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 02/08/2016 20:12

DH assembles his own stuff but he doesn't have the clothes folding gene so I pack it for him.

QueenOfTheGinPalace · 02/08/2016 21:08

I pack for DH. I did forget something once, years ago, and he wasn't very happy. Now, I'll pack, but he understands that if I forget anything it's not my responsibility.

Original poster
FetchezLaVache · 02/08/2016 22:11

lasttimeround that's heartbreaking. Arse, indeed. Flowers

OP posts:
molyholy · 02/08/2016 22:38

I never pack for dh. He wouldn't dream of asking me to either. Although, I am sure my mum does for her husband and mil was surprised last time we went away and she asked if I was packed. I said I had packed mine and dd's stuff, but dh still had to pack his stuff. She seemed slightly taken aback that I hadn't done his. She said she always packed fils stuff, but that's cos she liked to choose what he would wear Confused

Although we did go camping a while back. The morning we were leaving, I showered. Dd and I brushed our teeth and put toiletries in the bag. Dh showered after me and never put his toothbrush in the toiletries bag. Guess who got the blame when he was looking for it. Yes. Me. Cheeky bugger. He won't do it again though.

sashangel · 02/08/2016 23:28

We went for a trip to London for a week. My dh packed 3 pairs of duds. 1 pair of trousers until I sorted it out. All I asked him to do was to pick out 6 t-shirts and put them in the case. He didn't so had to buy new ones while there. I now get him to pack and double check what he has put in.

altiara · 03/08/2016 00:05

OP- please please update us when you go to his house and tell him you're there to pack his suitcase on mummy's orders! (I am assuming of course that he knows nothing of this request).

I once tried packing for my DH to hurry him along but he had to unpack as quite rightly he wanted to know what he was taking on holiday! I wouldn't want someone to pack my clothes for me either Hmm

My DS(7) and DD(10) packed their own suitcases for holiday last week (am a bit lazy Grin) Started with them packing to go to grannies or family friend sleepovers and progressed from there. Once DS didn't pack any clothes, only toys but he soon learnt!

Bobochic · 03/08/2016 08:49

Yes, OP, a grown man should do his own packing. Children should do their own packing too, once they are 10 or so.

DD (11) went to summer camp for three weeks in July - a two-week camp in Austria and a one-week camp in SW France, with very different accommodation and activities. She did all her own packing, using the lists supplied by the camps as a guide. All I did was get ou my CC when we had been to Zara/Decathlon for her to do the top-up purchases.

GetAHaircutCarl · 03/08/2016 08:58

bobo I agree absolutely about solo trips and am not involved in other people's packing then.

But when we go together, I just have to do it! It is the only part of my life where I'm a control freak. And boy am I a control freak about packingGrin.

HuckleberryQuinn · 03/08/2016 09:07

I pack for my dh but he gets everything ready into piles. I just like to have a mix of everyone's stuff in each suitcase in case one goes missing.

He packs for when he goes away with the military so it's not that he can't or won't

SavoyCabbage · 03/08/2016 09:07

My dd (9&12) packed their own suitcase when we emigrated and they would only have the things they packed for three months!

Admittedly I hadn't planned on that but I was so busy packing the house up. And one of them packed a tin of Pokemon cards that weighed about 2kg.

SavoyCabbage · 03/08/2016 09:08

Actually you could say to her that you want him to practice as you are thinking of emigrating.

GetAHaircutCarl · 03/08/2016 09:12

huck same here.

We have been on several trips where one case/bag did not arrive.

The first one left me without anything but my hand luggage for four days Shock.

The others were fine because the other bags were mixed.

PageStillNotFound404 · 03/08/2016 09:14

The only reason I pack for my DH is because he has cognitive impairments that affect his memory, organisation and concentration. Even then he pulls together the bulk of his stuff - favourite shirts etc - and I gently remind him about the bits and pieces he has forgotten. A NT adult should be more than capable of packing and dealing with the consequences of forgetting anything.

I like to physically pack the case because I am an Ace Packer pins badge on self who can utilise every millimetre of space.

coldcanary · 03/08/2016 09:20

YANBU, and if he's not even thought about asking you to pack for him then his Mum obviously has a very low opinion of her son for no reason!
DH had to actually stop me packing for him years ago - I'm a list person for big events and admit to getting a little carried away at times Blush our last camping trip involved 7 lists and a long lie down!
The DC's still get their bags checked though, especially DS(15) who thinks that a weeks holiday in the UK can be covered by 3 t shirts, a pair of shorts, hairspray, hair gel, deodorant, his phone and a charger.
I beg to differ... Hmm

dementedpixie · 03/08/2016 09:25

I pack for Dd/ds and myself. Dh puts out his clothes and I pack them as I distribute stuff in several cases so if one goes missing we still have some clothes for each person. I have a packing list to work to as well and things get added/removed each year depending on what we have forgotten or not needed

WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman · 03/08/2016 09:30

XH and I once went for a long weekend in Cornwall. I was unpacking when we arrived at the b&b and found that the only items of his clothing in the suitcase were a couple of pairs of pants that I'd chucked in when I got my own underwear from the clean laundry pile. Turns out when I told him I was going to pack a bag he assumed I was packing for him as well Hmm

MrsKoala · 03/08/2016 10:48

When exh and i were together i packed all my clothes apart from underwear once when we were going to stay at his families for a week over xmas (in the north and they had no central heating). I asked him to pack me the underwear that was still in the dryer while i was at work and then he was picking me up and we were driving up. In the car i said 'have you packed my undies?' yes he replied. When we got there i opened the case and Shock it was full of my sex underwear. He had decided against the thermals in the dryer and opted for the corsets and suspender belts. The clothes i had packed were warm wool trousers and comfy jumpers, which didn't really go over skimpy, lacy things with suspender attachments. Angry

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 03/08/2016 10:51

I don't pack for my kids, let alone my DH!
And none of us unpack at the other end, other than DH

Mojito7 · 03/08/2016 11:45

We're now en route to the airport and I just informed DS that the general MN consensus seems to be that DHs should pack / unpack for themselves. His response - "I don't know what you're all on about" and "I've got the phone chargers and adaptors." Hmm

catslife5 · 03/08/2016 14:46

Queen, Mojito and Mrskoala - Sorry, but you are all making excuses for these men. I work very long hours and travel a lot too and I manage to do my own laundry, ironing and yes, even packing. I have loads of male colleagues whose stay home wives pander to them with this kind of stuff and, quite franky, I find it totally ridiculous!

Ask yourselves what you are doing please.

CruCru · 03/08/2016 14:52

No way would I pack for my husband. He should know what he wants to wear and use when he's on holiday.

However, I deal with all the laundry and make sure it's done well before we go away.

I do pack for the kids (who are still very young).

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