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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that a grown man should be expected to pack for his own holiday?

127 replies

FetchezLaVache · 02/08/2016 11:30

Been with DP 18 months. Don't live together (yet).

Just on the 'phone to MIL (who is, in all other matters, absolutely lovely, btw) and she asked me, with reference to our upcoming holiday, if I have packed DP's suitcase yet.

I naturally tried to laugh it off, but she was deadly serious.

I pointed out that I will be packing for myself and my 6 yo child, but that DP will be expected to assemble his own holiday wardrobe.

She reasoned that this state of affairs would inevitably lead to his forgetting something vitally important.

I argued that he'd just have to go to the nearest town and buy another.

I'm not sure I convinced her that this was reasonable, but I think at least it's now fairly clear that this is how it will be.

It's worth noting that DP has at no point expressed any wish for me to pack for him... but I am starting to see why he finds his DM a bit smothering.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 02/08/2016 16:00

What the actual JEFF has being a sahm got to do with anything? God supposedly intelligent people can be just fucking ridiculous sometimes.

seagreengirl · 02/08/2016 16:01

When we go on holiday everybody gets their own stuff out and it all ends up in a big heap in the kitchen. I check through it and wash anything that is dirty and make piles of everything else. DH and I share the ironing, and then DH packs all bags except for teenage daughter, who does her own.

When he goes away on his own, he does his own.

EmmapausalBitch · 02/08/2016 16:07

I've only realised recently that some women actually pack for their partners. Wtf? I think I'd pack the contents of the bin.

KatharinaRosalie · 02/08/2016 16:10

So according to MIL, in his entire lifetime, your DP has not been able to figure out what he needs during a holiday. But you should have been able to master this skill, when you have known him for a year?

MrsKoala · 02/08/2016 16:17

I also unpack at the other end as dh likes to dress from the case/floor. Which means we all live in a heap of clothes not knowing what is clean or dirty and walking over them and i feel like i'm suffocating. Which very much ruins it if you have splashed out on a nice hotel or something and can just see a sea of clothes strewn everywhere.

KatharinaRosalie · 02/08/2016 16:17

Actually, how does it work, packing for someone else? OK I get that everybody needs some clean underwear, but unless they only own a very limited number of clothes, do you just decide for them what they are going to wear? I wouldn't want to go on a holiday with a 'surprise suitcase' where I had no idea what's there.

Ellybellyboo · 02/08/2016 16:26

YANBU.

DH packs his own case, the kids do too these days. I give them a deadline for the last wash load and they sort themselves out.

I am utterly shite at packing though. I panic pack and pack everything I can lay my hands on, including a winter coat when I'm spending a week in Mallorca, and the flip flops that have festered in my wardrobe unworn for 2 years.

My MiL hates that I don't do this kind of stuff for DH. She's always been a bit sniffy that we all take it in turns to make packed lunches, DH irons his own shirts and does his fair share of housework. She thinks I don't look after her little boy properly

Babyzoo · 02/08/2016 16:39

To be honest I could quite easily pack for my dh.

He's got quite a simple selection of clothes, several very similar t-shirts, two pairs of jeans, several similar jumpers, 100 pairs of the same boxers, two shirts, two pairs of shorts and one coat. I know that his newer t-shirts will be his favourites.

I still stand by that it's ridiculous to expect your partner to pack for you and not being capable of doing it yourself.

MrsKoala · 02/08/2016 16:41

DH doesn't have that many non work clothes. So i pack all his shorts, all his t-shirts, all his pants and socks etc. But i fold them and make sure they are clean, which is the key difference. I suspect the kind of person who owns more than 3 pairs of primark jeans is the type of person who would care enough to pack his case tho.

TheDowagerCuntess · 02/08/2016 16:44

What the actual JEFF has being a sahm got to do with anything? God supposedly intelligent people can be just fucking ridiculous sometimes.

As this thread shows, quite a lot. Stay-at-home-Mum invariably translates, in many people's minds (not least, many men* with SAHwives), as 'husband servicer'. Why else would you pack for a grown, competent(?) adult?

Many SAHM seemingly also feel guilted into doing this sort of thing. See all the 'he works such long hours' comments.

*Not all.

GetAHaircutCarl · 02/08/2016 16:51

I pack all bags/suitcases for me, DH and DC.

I am not a SAHM.

I am however a demon packer! I ask everyone to put out what they want to take and then I mix up the bags depending on where we 're going and what we're doing.

I make executive decisions on what gets left out!

TheDowagerCuntess · 02/08/2016 17:00

Actually putting stuff in a suitcase is one thing - it's selecting what needs to be packed which is the faff/time-consuming.

Mojito7 · 02/08/2016 17:23

Whatssheinabout - oh no -are you shouting at me Confused
Ok I will STEP BACK FROM THE SUITCASE!
Actually, I'm nearly done with this packing malarkey.

Is it possible that men who do their own laundry and ironing are far more likely to do their own packing because they will - a) know where their clothes are (ie. clean, in wash or at the dry cleaners) and b) actually care that it doesn't just get stuffed into a case so that it becomes unwearable on arrival at destination? If so, this would explain a lot of what goes on in this house.

I don't know, I suppose I just pack for DH because he doesn't have time. He often has to go in business trips at very short notice. I can't think when he's ever packed or folded clothes up. The shame Blush

Also Flowers - trust me, if I didn't unpack for him at the other end, it would just stay on the floor or in the case. I can't stand that, so I just hang it up.

3amEternal · 02/08/2016 17:38

I would NEVER pack for DH. Having said that it would have avoided the 1 pair of pants for 2 weeks in Mallorca scenario. He also has the grimmest beige cheesecloth(!!) shorts that I chuck away every time we get back and yet make their way back into the suitcase for the next trip.

Choceeclair123 · 02/08/2016 17:42

YADNBU!! Ridiculous she expects you to pack for your DP?! What are you his servant?

LindyHemming · 02/08/2016 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorrisZapp · 02/08/2016 17:46

I couldn't bring myself to have sex with any man who wasn't in charge of his own clothes. Choosing, buying, laundering and administration thereof.

MrsKoala · 02/08/2016 17:53

I think i couldn't be with someone who expected me to do those things Morris. But if they couldn't give a fuck either way it doesn't bother me. My dad expects my mum to do everything for him and that would drive me to divorce. But the fact my dh would happily pack and shop for himself but also not care if i do it either makes it feel different. I am doing it for my preferences not his.

NPowerShitShower · 02/08/2016 18:00

I'm a SAHM. I'm proud to say that I've never packed for my DH. Why would I? Hmm

Mojito - if you're not on a wind up, take a look at the incompetent husband thread. Seriously - your DH is more than capable. He just chooses not to be and you're enabling him.

SecretMongoose · 02/08/2016 18:07

But mojito if it's that your DH doesn't care if he gets unwearable clothes at the end of it, then why not just let him get on with it? What does it matter if he wears shit clothes for a week? He's an adult and can choose that himself.
I suspect it's not that at all though, I suspect it's that affected hopelessness that some people do when they just can't be arsed to sort themselves out when they know someone else will pick up the slack.
If you stopped packing for him and he had an important business trip, I'm sure he'd manage to pack himself some decent clothes.

NickyEds · 02/08/2016 18:17

I'm a SAHM and have never packed dp's suitcase!

We recently went on holiday with another couple. After three days the bloke mentioned to me that he hadn't brushed his teeth since we arrived, when I asked why he said that his wife hadn't put his tooth brush into the bathroom for him. I'm not easily silenced but I literally had nothing to say! His wife is not a SAHM if that makes a difference!

Mojito7 · 02/08/2016 18:23

npower - I'm not on a wind up. As I said, the packing is the least of it!

I agree with what Koala says - that there is a difference between men who genuinely don't care about such things and those with a sense of entitlement. The problem is that appearing not to care or "affected hopelessness" can just be a manifestation of entitlement - or it can be hard to separate the two.

I suppose I only do this kind of stuff for DH because he does things for me in other ways. We have 3 DC as well so that determines a lot.

TheOddity · 02/08/2016 18:30

Dh would hate me to pack for him. He is a total control freak. Even if I find something I think he might need I can only put it near the bag because I hoy it all in whereas his is like Marie Kondo's drawers. I get pissed off that I end up doing the children's stuff a well as my own. No way would I do his!! He is Italian by the way and his DM does not see this as my job. will not mention the long list of other things she thinks are my job though

ChishandFips33 · 02/08/2016 18:32

My DH chooses his stuff and puts it in a pile - I pack so that I can have the lions share of the weight allowance ensure its not all a crumpled mess

JohnLithgowsLargeForehead · 02/08/2016 19:22

Just another way of babying grown men. My DP packs his own and yes has forgotten many things (he even forgot his suitcase once!) but the annoyingness of it has made him start making lists. I would forget things without a list too!

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