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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to insist we pay less?

142 replies

PinkyofPie · 01/08/2016 16:36

Went for a meal last night with a few ILs and another family (the parents and aunties/uncles of the partner of an IL) - about 20 of us in total.

We went to an Italian chain restaurant. I am pregnant so not drinking and DH in his support is abstaining from drinking too (his choice before I get flamed!). We had 3yo DD with us.

We had a pizza each (£9 each) and DD shared mine as we both have quite small appetite, and all 3 of us shared a bottle of large mineral water which was £3. DH and I shared a dessert which was a fiver.

The rest of the table all had a 2-3 courses each and every single person had lots of wine, ordered in bottles

Now I am usually happy to split the bill and think nothing of it, when people have similar food and drink. If I had to pay £5 more than I would individually it doesn't bother me at all, I don't like to make a fuss.

However when the bill came someone in the 'other' family took it and got his calculator out....£33 each! "Oh actually it's probably not fair that Pinky and PinkyHusband pays that for MiniPinky. Just pop a tenner in for her or something and I'll recalculate"

I would rarely spend that much on a meal out. We are saving for the baby and also have had lots of unexpected bills lately - car repairs, things going wrong in the house, broken washing machine etc. We budgeted for the meal but thought more around £35-£40 for the 3 of us.

Anyway, as DH went to put £76 on his card as we didn't have enough in cash, I said "sorry it's just that we didn't have alcohol and shared most of our food, is everyone happy I we just stick £40 in?". Which was £14 more than what we actually ate and drank.

There were some pissed off faces but they said "oh I suppose so". Everyone else had to pay £3 more each

DH thinks for the sake of an extra "few quid" we should have just maybe left it, but I think I was in the right and they were being cheeky fuckers.

WIBU and tight or would you have done the same?

OP posts:

LuckySantangelo1 · 01/08/2016 16:39

Of course you were right. They wanted you to subsidise their food and that's not on.

OreosAreTasty · 01/08/2016 16:39

I would've done the same. I don't mind if it's only a tenners difference or less but at £40 different? They can whistle...

MinnowAndTheBear · 01/08/2016 16:40

I think I would have insisted on just paying for what you ate, given the circumstances. With a generous tip added on top. There's no way we could afford to pay those prices for a pizza and some water.

JustHappy3 · 01/08/2016 16:41

Well - you'd not accounted for a tip so i'd have rounded it up to £30 - so i'm tighter than you!. But tbh i'd have made it clear from the start what your plan was and not left drunken people to badly miscalculate what's owed. You know what you ate/drank but they won't have been watching.

apple1992 · 01/08/2016 16:41

I'm funny about this kind of thing, but in your case there is such a huge difference that I think you did the right thing.

KoalaDownUnder · 01/08/2016 16:41

I always hesitate to say anything in those situations, but that's because I'm a wimp.

YWNBU.

DramaAlpaca · 01/08/2016 16:43

I think you did the right thing. I'd have done the same in your situation.

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2016 16:44

So you spent £26 between you and they wanted you to put in £76 between you?!

BillSykesDog · 01/08/2016 16:44

You should have asked for a seperate bill at the start of the meal.

It was cheeky, but waiting until the bill comes and getting all cats bum face is also rude.

fabulous01 · 01/08/2016 16:45

I am normally one of those that has the whole thing and I would always say to anyone not drinking etc that they pay less. Good on you as I am not sure I would have been brave enough. Maybe some didn't notice that you weren't drinking etc? But maybe that is just being nice as some people take the mick

RabbitSaysWoof · 01/08/2016 16:45

I wouldn't have been brave enough to say something, but I think you were right to.

DublinBlowIn · 01/08/2016 16:46

Of course you shouldn't have subsidised, but in a group situ meals are generally split. If you want to do something different then the onus is on you to communicate that.

myownprivateidaho · 01/08/2016 16:46

No of course Yanbu to have only paid for what you are. BUT as I understand it, people did agree to your DH's proposal to pay less. The problem is he offered to pay £40 when you only owed £30 (including service). How was anyone else to know his offer was higher than you wanted to pay/higher than what you actually ate? You should have just worked out what you owed and offered to pay that. No one else will have been paying attention to the value of your meal!

BaronessEllaSaturday · 01/08/2016 16:46

Since you always just share the bill I do think it was off this time to decide at the end that you were not doing so. Fine to specify at the start and ask for yours to be billed separately but changing things at the point of paying is wrong.

Original poster

PinkyofPie · 01/08/2016 16:47

Well - you'd not accounted for a tip so i'd have rounded it up to £30 - so i'm tighter than you!.

TBH I only paid £40 because we only had 2 X £20 notes, if we'd had tenners I'd have only put £30 in.

Yep Imperial! Although like a pp said they probably wouldn't have been watching what we ate, but they all knew I am pregnant and DH wasn't drinking as he got a bit ribbed about it.

OP posts:

ShatnersBassoon · 01/08/2016 16:47

I wouldn't have let him get as far as calculating. I'd have asked the waiter for a separate bill as soon as I realised my family would be having considerably less to eat and drink than the rest of the party.

Dixiechickonhols · 01/08/2016 16:48

I think you have to be proactive. When you say the bill agree say here's £30 cash to more than cover ours and a tip. BEFORE the divvying up starts.

Always err slightly on the generous side so no one can complain. If anyone says oh lets just split it say it's ok i've worked out our share, you split rest if you want.

CatsAndCocktails · 01/08/2016 16:48

I don't think either was unreasonable really. It just comes down to what normally happens in particular groups - sometimes people always split by the numbers and when that happens there will always be people overpaying and underpaying but I figure it must balance out at some point. However, if you are budgeting and fully intending to not spend much, it is just as reasonable to pay for what you did eat/drink. I would just have made it clear as soon as the bill arrived and said I'd contribute £X on this occasion.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 01/08/2016 16:49

There's no way I'd have paid that, and I'd have pointed out that we'd only had £26 worth of food too. I'm
Usually all for splitting the bill but only when it's fair (eg everyone is drinking, having similar priced meals).

Hrafnkel · 01/08/2016 16:49

When we had dd1 and I was pg with dd2 we went pit with sone friends and similar happened. I spoke up and everyone was pissed off with me so people-pleasing dh just put the money in.

Fast forward a year and when the same bunch all had their first kid to our two and suddenly it was all 'I've just bought my own drink at the bar' and 'with the baby we don't have a lot to spend so let's get our own bills'. Really fucked me off but the more reasonable part of me realises that they just couldn't empathise with our situation the first time round, probably quite naturally.

Still, I have a reputation for being tight based on that first night. You might have to suck that up like I did.

Dixiechickonhols · 01/08/2016 16:50

say should be saw the bill being delivered

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 01/08/2016 16:50

They were expecting £99 for 2 pizzas, water and a pud?! So dh thinks the pleasure of the meal was worth the extra £73, on top of the cost of the food?

YANBU

ILs were thoughtless.

Still, good to know dh is that debonair with money. Perhaps take him shopping with you to some really posh shops. After all, it's only an extra "few quid."

ChicRock · 01/08/2016 16:51

I still think you overpaid by far too much.

Cheeky fuckers.

I think it's pretty obvious when someone's only drinking water and not having 3 courses, and I always assume that for whatever reason, they're not in a position/wanting to spend a fortune on their meal, so I make a point of not doing the whole "let's spilt the bill equally" and if someone else suggests it I'm one saying "nah lets all just pay for what we had".

But then you get the one person calculating to the penny how much they owe.

Gah, it's a minefield but I think you were had off there.

Sparklesilverglitter · 01/08/2016 16:53

You did the right thing not paying £76

In hindsight you should of asked for a separate bill at the start of the meal. It saves a lot of annoyed faces from the others at the end.

I am pregnancy at the moment and when I have been out with friends and they've had wine by the bottle they always say at the start of the meal Do I want my own bill as I won't need to pay for wine.

CatsAndCocktails · 01/08/2016 16:53

If your pregnancy appetite was anything like mine with DD, the rest of the table could have drunk the restaurant dry but I would still have eaten far more than all the alcohol cost!

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