WIBU to insist we pay less?

[PinkyofPie]

Went for a meal last night with a few ILs and another family (the parents and aunties/uncles of the partner of an IL) - about 20 of us in total.

We went to an Italian chain restaurant. I am pregnant so not drinking and DH in his support is abstaining from drinking too (his choice before I get flamed!). We had 3yo DD with us.

We had a pizza each (£9 each) and DD shared mine as we both have quite small appetite, and all 3 of us shared a bottle of large mineral water which was £3. DH and I shared a dessert which was a fiver.

The rest of the table all had a 2-3 courses each and every single person had lots of wine, ordered in bottles

Now I am usually happy to split the bill and think nothing of it, when people have similar food and drink. If I had to pay £5 more than I would individually it doesn't bother me at all, I don't like to make a fuss.

However when the bill came someone in the 'other' family took it and got his calculator out....£33 each! "Oh actually it's probably not fair that Pinky and PinkyHusband pays that for MiniPinky. Just pop a tenner in for her or something and I'll recalculate"

I would rarely spend that much on a meal out. We are saving for the baby and also have had lots of unexpected bills lately - car repairs, things going wrong in the house, broken washing machine etc. We budgeted for the meal but thought more around £35-£40 for the 3 of us.

Anyway, as DH went to put £76 on his card as we didn't have enough in cash, I said "sorry it's just that we didn't have alcohol and shared most of our food, is everyone happy I we just stick £40 in?". Which was £14 more than what we actually ate and drank.

There were some pissed off faces but they said "oh I suppose so". Everyone else had to pay £3 more each

DH thinks for the sake of an extra "few quid" we should have just maybe left it, but I think I was in the right and they were being cheeky fuckers.

WIBU and tight or would you have done the same?

I just don't get the pissed off reaction of the bill splitters (not just your meal OP, but in general) Just recalculate again after the smaller bill has been taken off... It's not hard.

I agree that in a case such as this, where the difference is huge, it would be outrageous to object to it not being split. However, I have been in groups where everyone has had very nearly the same and one or two people have refused to split the bill and it is very annoying. If everyone puts in what they had it almost always turns into a huge palaver, not least because it nearly always comes up short. I was once in a group of 30 people at a BYOB curry house where everyone had had poppadums, communal rice and naan and one person insisted that we shouldn't split the bill because her chicken curry had cost £8 but some people's curries had cost £10 so she was subsidising them. I was indeed pretty at that.

So you'd spent £26 and they were wanting £99 from you? And your three year old had actually cost £0 but they initially wanted £33 for her? Fuck that. Good on you for speaking up. I'd have had no choice as I wouldn't have that much spare anyway.

If we go out in a group with a few families then we sometimes split the bill over family as usually everyone has ordered similar and wine is shared. If someone says no we will just pay our own, there's no pissed offness, we don't pay attention to what each other orders but we would have been aware that one family wasn't drinking and sharing food so wouldn't have included them in the divvying up, someone would have said it's not fair that they pay so much extra, and absolutely nobody would factor in a three year old, (even if they'd had a kids meal and their own drink) and charge them an equal amount to adults who'd been drinking alcohol and had three course, who does that?

Only once has it been an issue and that that was bil ordering double shots on a food tab we were splitting, every one else was buying drinks at bar and paying for their own, it was agreed food only was gonna be split (per family as it worked out same) but he thought he'd be clever and try get his double whiskeys subsided. He wasn't clever when we deducted his drinks off and he had to oay for them himself. He was hoping we'd be too polite to point it out and even said to my sis he wouldn't have ordered them if he had to pay himself, that he thought he'd get away with it!

Splitting bills is ok as long as everyone is ordering similar amount, it can become massively unfair the larger the group is as one family who is watching pennies or dieting or just doesn't want to eat and drink a lot ends up subsidising the others expensive choices. I'm not suorised a few looked pissed off as they'll have been thinking they are having a cheap night thanks to you and dh. A few quid fair enough but a whole £76 more than what you'd actually spent? You'd have to be entitled (and I know that word is used a lot in here ) to be pissed off at someone not agreeing to pay such a large amount towards someone else's expensive meals and drinking.

When we recently went out for a meal like this each family group actually asked for a separate bill, which made paying so much easier.

I totally understand why you didn't want to pay for other people's food and drink and I am really surprised that they expected you to.

Also they must have stuffed their faces if they spent (on average) £33 each and yet 3 of you ate for £26.

Just pop a tenner in for her or something and I'll recalculate
I don't understand why you would be expected to pay £10 for a kid that shared your food????

Whilst I am sympathetic.. I find divvying up a bill by the amount people paid quite cringe worthy/ uncomfortable and awkward. I would probably avoid going out for a meal if finances were such that I had to be mindful of this - or say upfront as Sparkle suggested, we are going to order and be billed separately because of not drinking and dd sharing my food

Margaret
I agree, the ones quibbling about a few quid are equally annoying.

I don't understand why you would be expected to pay £10 for a kid that shared your food????

I think it's pretty clear that they hadn't noticed that they'd shared, and so probably thought the child had had a kid's meal and a drink, which means £10 would have been reasonable. In this case this wasn't true, but it is currently a bit of a bone of contention among some of my friends that some of the parents seem to believe that everything consumed by their children is free of charge which is rather unfair on the childfree! This appears to be what happens when those couples who believe that they only have to buy a round between them (despite having a drink each) have children...

one person insisted that we shouldn't split the bill because her chicken curry had cost £8 but some people's curries had cost £10 so she was subsidising them
That is truly pathetic arguing over a few pounds.

If everyone would just pay for what they've had with a bit extra for the tip, you'd never get these awkward situations where some people want to split the bill equally regardless of whether you've had lobster stuffed with caviar or a veggie burger. The only fair way is to pay for what you've eaten/drank instead of subsidising other people.
YANBU at all.

Although that £2 curry example is taking it a bit far, to be fair.

Slightly different but my parents used to go on holiday with a great big group of friends to a villa. (Four couples).

One night one of the guys decides to do a BBQ and one lady is vegetarian so he goes to the market and buys the meat for the BBQ and some veggie stuff too.

Anyway when he came back he told everyone what he had spent say £80 and told them the share was £20 for each of the four couples.

The veggie lady said that she didn't think she should have to pay the same as everyone else because she didn't have any meat.

To which the BBQ man said actually if you want to do it like that you actually owe more because the veggie products were really expensive and I had to get them from a special shop but I was going to let it go.

That is why I think you need to be careful when being really tight.

I hate when people get really picky about what they had but you were about to get royally done on that meal. I would have said, sorry, I'm not paying £76 for two pizzas and a bottle of water. Cheeky buggers...

If everyone would just pay for what they've had with a bit extra for the tip

It's that last bit which I find tends to cause the problem, along with the division of drinks (when two people split a bottle of wine they often seem to both the other one had more!). People either forget to tip at all or they undertip, rounding down; given that the service charge is normally already on the bill for a big group, this can leave you seriously short.

And you won't be surprised to hear that it was not a one-off episode of stinginess in the case of the person who quibbled over £2! She has actually got better over the years, but then she is now loaded (I suppose that's where counting the pennies gets you!).

YADNBU and well done for speaking up. Am astounded they had the nerve to look pissed off particularly when your 3 yo had nothing at all beyond mineral water and still had to pay £10. Am surprised your ILs did not say anything. Whenever we go out as a big family group we usually pay for our DDs and families.

YANBU. I was in a similar situation with my DSis and parents a while ago. For various reasons, our meal cost very little while both DSis and BIL chose the most expensive things on the menu. When it came to paying, DSis suggested that she and I should split the bill so that my parents didn't have to pay, as she and her family were staying with my mum and dad and she felt they had paid for enough that week already.

I never have an issue with splitting the bill usually, and I don't mind treating my parents either, but on this occasion, I was really annoyed as a) my parents hadn't been subsidising me all week anyway, and b) an equal split of the bill meant that we were actually paying the entire cost of my parents' meal while also subsidising my DSis's family!! Yet she got to take the credit for "generously" offering to cover my parents' portion!

I was so taken aback initially that I went along with it, but I subsequently told her that I didn't think it was fair. She gave me some of the money back, but left me feeling as if I was somehow being mean and petty.

Families, eh?!

I'm one who always splits the bill but in your case Op, you were right - expecting £99 & then generously rounding it down to £76 when you only had £26 worth of food / drink is out of order on the part of the person who suggested splitting in the first place.

I think that as there's generally a divide between splitting the bill equally and paying for what you had you should (if you care enough to want it a particular way) make it clear at the beginning.
No one made you just eat a pizza each and share water , and I doubt the bill splitters were taking note.
Fwiw I hate the mealy mouthed calculator moment and would rather know in advance and get those people to get a separate bill to save any awkwardness and hassle. Much easier when you've had a drink/pudding but no starter etc to just split it all.

what happens when those couples who believe that they only have to buy a round between them (despite having a drink each)
Totally with you there.

Good on you - my DH is the same. We go out with his friends or family they drink lots order every course and the most expensive thing and then we just split the bill if drives me up the wall. It is do unfair but he refuses to say anything and courses an argument so I tend to avoid those outings now

Also they must have stuffed their faces if they spent (on average) £33 each and yet 3 of you ate for £26.

There must have been 10 bottles of wine ordered at least and some spirits so I think this is where the bulk of the bill came from.

Just to clarify, the man from the other family (not my ILs) suggested that DD only pay £10 (as if it was some sort of favour) so they expected £76 from us.

Pleased most people think IANBU, DH is worried we look stingy

I don't understand why you would be expected to pay £10 for a kid that shared your food????

I'm not sure if he knew she shared, we were at opposite ends of the table, but he'd have seen there were no kids meals on the bill. I do wonder if it was ignorance or trying to screw us over

When dining with people you don't know, it is always best to be clear upfront that if you are not drinking etc you will only pay for what you have had and get agreement on that before ordering. There are plenty of people who would eat and drink more than normal than if they had to pay for each item and expect the splitting of the bill to cushion that cost.

I wish restaurants did individual bills. Would be so much easier.

Whilst I am sympathetic.. I find divvying up a bill by the amount people paid quite cringe worthy/ uncomfortable and awkward. I would probably avoid going out for a meal if finances were such that I had to be mindful of this

Really? Ben when you were expected to OT £50 more than what you actually are or drank.

I'd agree with you if it was a tenner but £50- there was no way I was letting that one slide

So we all should avoid eating out if we can't afford to budget for others that have stuffed themselves silly, to the tune of £50.

Haha, ok then.