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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to insist we pay less?

142 replies

PinkyofPie · 01/08/2016 16:36

Went for a meal last night with a few ILs and another family (the parents and aunties/uncles of the partner of an IL) - about 20 of us in total.

We went to an Italian chain restaurant. I am pregnant so not drinking and DH in his support is abstaining from drinking too (his choice before I get flamed!). We had 3yo DD with us.

We had a pizza each (£9 each) and DD shared mine as we both have quite small appetite, and all 3 of us shared a bottle of large mineral water which was £3. DH and I shared a dessert which was a fiver.

The rest of the table all had a 2-3 courses each and every single person had lots of wine, ordered in bottles

Now I am usually happy to split the bill and think nothing of it, when people have similar food and drink. If I had to pay £5 more than I would individually it doesn't bother me at all, I don't like to make a fuss.

However when the bill came someone in the 'other' family took it and got his calculator out....£33 each! "Oh actually it's probably not fair that Pinky and PinkyHusband pays that for MiniPinky. Just pop a tenner in for her or something and I'll recalculate" Hmm

I would rarely spend that much on a meal out. We are saving for the baby and also have had lots of unexpected bills lately - car repairs, things going wrong in the house, broken washing machine etc. We budgeted for the meal but thought more around £35-£40 for the 3 of us.

Anyway, as DH went to put £76 on his card as we didn't have enough in cash, I said "sorry it's just that we didn't have alcohol and shared most of our food, is everyone happy I we just stick £40 in?". Which was £14 more than what we actually ate and drank.

There were some pissed off faces but they said "oh I suppose so". Everyone else had to pay £3 more each

DH thinks for the sake of an extra "few quid" we should have just maybe left it, but I think I was in the right and they were being cheeky fuckers.

WIBU and tight or would you have done the same?

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkyofPie · 01/08/2016 18:53

Gah - to pay to "to OT" Confused

OP posts:
JohnLithgowsLargeForehead · 01/08/2016 18:54

Paying £40 was already very generous when you only cost £26, far from stingy. Get your DH to read this thread.. Why should you pay an extra £50 for a meal you haven't eaten!

allegretto · 01/08/2016 18:55

I posted something similar a while ago when it ended up we paid more than 100 euros what we had actually spent. DH wouldn't let me say anything! You did well to speak up!

Katy92 · 01/08/2016 18:57

If they didn't specifically say 'we'll split the bill at the end?' at the start, and they were going to town on the wine, and you three being sensible, i probably would've assumed we were paying for what we ate each too, rather than splitting it so YANBU. £3 each more than them when it's stuff they ate, is a lot let than the extra i'd have been for you!

HOWEVER, I think the issue is no one ever likes to talk about money and we always assume things (not saying that you're at fault) so it's less awkward, but then situations like this end up happening! At least you know now for the next time!

youarenotkiddingme · 01/08/2016 18:57

Yanbu- there's a big difference between eating £25 with and paying 30-35 than paying £50 more than you ate!

I'm a non drinker and so always suggest we split bill and buy drinks separately from bar if it's available option.

The only time I split 50:50 is when I eat out with best friend and our kids. I have 1 and she has 2 but for a child's meal it only adds a few quid.

Mummaaaaaah · 01/08/2016 18:57

god I usually hate the whole " i had less than you thing" when someone's talking about £5 or £10, but if a couple aren't drinking I would absolutely assume they shouldn't be paying the same as all the rest and would have suggested they pay less before divvying up. Unless they insist otherwise (what goes around comes around type attitude). so no, YANBU, they were!

ayeokthen · 01/08/2016 19:01

They expected you to pay £76 for a £26 meal? Fuck off would have been my response, acceptable or not! Why would you pay £50 towards their choices????

Sugarlightly · 01/08/2016 19:04

I'm all for paying equally, but I think it should be put on a separate bill and should be mentioned at the start.

I've never had any problems with splitting the bill equally but once you say "let's pay for our own" you end up with people that round up, round down, don't think their bottle of water cost anything, "I don't want to tip,why on earth should we tip?!!?" etc. and end up with too little money

PeppaIsMyHero · 01/08/2016 19:16

Well done - far too large a difference to be overlooked. You did the right thing.

MadamDeathstare · 01/08/2016 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EweAreHere · 01/08/2016 19:19

I would have done the same. There's no way I would blow my hard-earned money and budget by paying 3x what I had actually carefully picked and consumed! Other people have no right to expect me to subsidise their large meals and expensive drinking. And they did expect it. Outrageous.

3

wishiwasntme · 01/08/2016 19:36

andintothefire one of the 3 was a toddler who only shared mum's meal, so it was really only 2 meals.

OP, YANBU, they were.

I hate this kind of thing: when someone eats/drinks far less than most (as I do) , but are expected to pay the same.
Why should I subsidise other ppls drinking?

It also winds me up that they get so offended by it, even though I always mention it at the start and I don't have the money to spare, what is wrong with me saying: "I'll get my bill separately, thanks"? It's different if you're all eating and drinking, but I don't, and I bet those that like doing it are the ones that take the piss and end up quids in.

OnTheTurningAway · 01/08/2016 19:59

I can't believe they were cheeky enough to include a toddler in the bill splitting! I mean, she clearly wasn't drinking, even if she'd had her own meal.

I would have pointed out she'd just shared your meal (in a smiley lighthearted way) and glanced at the bill, said "Oh - comes to about 26 for us - we'll chuck in £40... what a lovely night... blah blah".

YelloDraw · 01/08/2016 20:35

Anyway, as DH went to put £76 on his card as we didn't have enough in cash, I said "sorry it's just that we didn't have alcohol and shared most of our food, is everyone happy I we just stick £40 in?". Which was £14 more than what we actually ate and drank.

You handled it really well.

YelloDraw · 01/08/2016 20:37

I am not drinking at the moment - so I am declaring up front on meals wiht friends that i'm not drinking so just going to put in for my food plus tip.

Always having a supply of £10, £3 and pound coins helps!

Starter and main - £18, chuck in £22. Done.

Lovewineandchocs · 01/08/2016 20:40

I think they are cheeky feckers to start with for including your DD in the calculations as if she's an adult! In our family we always take the price of the child's meal off (paid by their parents) then split the rest. Trying to charge for that is not on, then asking for £10 for her when she didn't even eat a separate meal is beyond shitty! So they expected £76 for a £26 meal (initially trying to charge £99) and some had the nerve to be pissed off at having to pay an extra £3. That's so rude! You'll know for next time with any group to make it clear from the start and get a separate bill.

altiara · 01/08/2016 21:06

You did well!! Grin

PersianCatLady · 01/08/2016 21:29

I wish restaurants did individual bills. Would be so much easier
A lot of places will do this if you ask.

SawdustInMyHair · 01/08/2016 21:32

You're 100% right! I still get annoyed remembering going out for a friend's birthday, with her other, wealthier friends. The 'rich' end of the table all had three courses, booze and coffee. Another friend was there who had an eating disorder , so only ordered one side dish and water.
They wanted him to pay the full wack, too, but we kicked up a fuss and they gave in with rather bad grace, even though they were still paying less than their meal had cost because we were subsidising it!

I hate this phrase, but some people actually do need to check their privilege.

FairyDogMother11 · 01/08/2016 21:46

No YANBU. We had a similar situation a couple of times when we went out with a group of my partners friends. Four of the twelve people had 3 courses and were drinking copious amounts of spirits, wines and cider. The rest of us only had 2 courses (or one in my case) and were drinking soft drinks as were driving or had work early the next day. We were flabbergasted when one of the ones who were basically bumping up the bill announced to the waitress we'd be splitting the bill equally. No one dared say anything at the time and I wish I had especially, but ever since then we always ask for separate bills to start with!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/08/2016 21:51

Oh course YANBU. I can't abide bill splitting though. You always get some tramp expecting you to subsidise rather than paying their way.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 01/08/2016 22:31

Those saying that OP should have been clear at the start that she wasn't drinking / splitting the bill - it dampens the tone straightaway. Such a minefield and one reason why I'm so unsociable

SouthWestmom · 01/08/2016 22:45

I think the tone is massively more dampened at the end if all of a sudden £40 each becomes 'oh hold on I only had water and a main course, '

OliviaStabler · 02/08/2016 17:39

I don't think it is a minefield Jennifer.

A breezy 'Just to let you guys know we aren't drinking so we'll only chip in for what we've had' a big smile and carry on. Works for me Wink

Luna2016 · 02/08/2016 17:51

You did right. one friend of mine in particular always orders the most expensive food and drink and expected us to split the bill. Personally I think you should pay for what you eat and drink.