WIBU to insist we pay less?

[PinkyofPie]

Went for a meal last night with a few ILs and another family (the parents and aunties/uncles of the partner of an IL) - about 20 of us in total.

We went to an Italian chain restaurant. I am pregnant so not drinking and DH in his support is abstaining from drinking too (his choice before I get flamed!). We had 3yo DD with us.

We had a pizza each (£9 each) and DD shared mine as we both have quite small appetite, and all 3 of us shared a bottle of large mineral water which was £3. DH and I shared a dessert which was a fiver.

The rest of the table all had a 2-3 courses each and every single person had lots of wine, ordered in bottles

Now I am usually happy to split the bill and think nothing of it, when people have similar food and drink. If I had to pay £5 more than I would individually it doesn't bother me at all, I don't like to make a fuss.

However when the bill came someone in the 'other' family took it and got his calculator out....£33 each! "Oh actually it's probably not fair that Pinky and PinkyHusband pays that for MiniPinky. Just pop a tenner in for her or something and I'll recalculate"

I would rarely spend that much on a meal out. We are saving for the baby and also have had lots of unexpected bills lately - car repairs, things going wrong in the house, broken washing machine etc. We budgeted for the meal but thought more around £35-£40 for the 3 of us.

Anyway, as DH went to put £76 on his card as we didn't have enough in cash, I said "sorry it's just that we didn't have alcohol and shared most of our food, is everyone happy I we just stick £40 in?". Which was £14 more than what we actually ate and drank.

There were some pissed off faces but they said "oh I suppose so". Everyone else had to pay £3 more each

DH thinks for the sake of an extra "few quid" we should have just maybe left it, but I think I was in the right and they were being cheeky fuckers.

WIBU and tight or would you have done the same?

Imagine even having the cheek to charge £10 for your daughter. She didn't even have her own meal!

You absolutely did the right thing.

YANBU. The others will probably see sense to your decision when they are less drunk.

YANBU. There's no way I'd have split that bill. As pp have said paying a tenner more than what you've ordered is fine when it's a group you regularly go out with as it will likely even out over time but paying £50 more with a group you've never been out with, and likely never will again, is ridiculous.

Quibbling over £2 is ott but £50 is a hell of a lot of money. I'd be up a creak if I'd ordered less than £30 worth of food and drink and was suddenly expected to pay more than double as I simply wouldn't have the money to give.

This is why I love my friends and family as it's assumed we'll be paying for our own food and drinks. We tend to stick to chain pubs where you order and pay at the bar and if we buy rounds then it's a round per couple.

Does make me wonder why you wanted to go out for a full blown meal with a crowd if your just going to eat half a pizza and drink a glass of water, I think I would have given it a miss until I was in a position to enjoy the evening, be good company and take part fully in the evening. Personally, I expect bills to be divided equally, sometimes it works out quite reasonably some times not, in your case there was such a huge difference in the full blown evening enjoyed by the other table guests and yourselves, which is very unfortunate but predictable. I honestly don't know if I would have said anything, I would have hoped somebody would have noticed we had barely eaten or drunk anything and piped up but they were probably all too busy enjoying themselves. So I probably would have paid but resolved to 'do it' differently next time!!

Does make me wonder why you wanted to go out for a full blown meal with a crowd if your just going to eat half a pizza and drink a glass of water, I think I would have given it a miss until I was in a position to enjoy the evening, be good company and take part fully in the evening

So by not stuffing your face or getting hammered, you are by definition not good company? Interesting. She explained that they have small appetites, but I guess she should have just rammed the food down in order to 'take part fully'.

The main part of the bill would have been wine rather than food. The OP is pregnant. Maybe she should not socialise while pregnant unless she ruins the fun for others. Same for anyone else who doesn't drink.

I honestly don't know if I would have said anything, I would have hoped somebody would have noticed we had barely eaten or drunk anything and piped up

You don't sound passive-aggressive at all... They probably would not say anything as doing so would mean paying more. It's up to the OP to say something rather than seething about it. And she did.

Eh? shoulder The OP is pregnant so is not drinking. Should she stay at home until the baby is born?

Should she also miss out on nights out with friends because she eats a sensible amount of food instead of stuffing herself silly? How does not eating a massive amount of food = not fully enjoying yourself. There is still the nice food and the company and chat.

Most restaurant pizzas are quite large and I can only ever eat half of one. I can't imagine being able to eat three courses, especially if the main is pizza, which is very filling.

When I eat out, I always expect to bring food home, because I am stuffed. I wouldn't normally have a starter but if people are having starters I will have one too and then I am nearly full if it is a big starter (some are nearly meal sized in themselves) and I will have a second starter as my main or order a main and eat as much as I need and take the rest of it home for the next day. Nothing to do with not enjoying or fully taking part in the evening, just not wanting to eat so much that I feel sick and don't sleep that night.

And I don't see why I should pay for other people who eat and drink 2 or 3 times what I do, and thankfully, most of the people I eat out with feel the same.

Cross post thisisafakename who is a much faster reader and responder than I am.

No op you did right.I would have loved to see their faces when they realised they had to pay fir what they ate.

I dont mind splitting the bill if we all had roughly the same but in your case you did the right thing.

I went in holiday with my in-laws, there were 9 of us altogether. Did the spitting the bill equally for the first three days, then I had to say something because we weren't drinking or having multiple courses and just couldn't carry on paying extra for the whole week. Everyone was fine with it.

This is why I insist on separate bills.

So four families - 7,5,2,2. Bill came to £440 - SiL works out that's £110 per family
That is a ridiculous way to split a bill.

You should have said it is £27.50 per person.

Or you could have said £35 each for the 8 adults and £20 each for the 8 kids.

There is no way that a couple should go out with another couple and two families and be expected to pay towards 8 kids' meals.

I find it absolutely disgusting that one of the families had 5 kids and wasn't prepared to pay more.

YANBU you were right. I hate splitting the bill just work out and pay for what you had, it is just a way for people to spend a horrendous amount of money of food and get it cheaper by getting others to pay for it.
I remember one time when I was 15/16 a group of friends at a party all ordered takeaway, one of my friends didn't have much money so agreed to split something with another friend, so they would have half each and pay half the price of it so she could afford to get home, I didn't have anything. Then a group of the friends came up demanding £7 off us, not a lot but that was all my friend had on her and I didn't even order anything, so we refused to pay and they all ignored us for the rest of the party.
I never split the bill now, I always pay for what I have, besides I usually have steak so mine costs more and I don't like others to pay for my meal.

We mostly always split the bill it is normal practice in our circles. I would like to think that if someone hadn't had alcohol and barely ate I would notice and, out of politeness, say that their contribution should be less, and it would be nice in return although it's no big deal as we only go out on a big social night when we have the money to do so. What does get my goat is any kind of quibbling over the bill.. Asking for the menus to work out what your exact contribution should be etc. so yes on that basis is rather bill split every time and yes if you've had the lobster when everyone else has had cod then shove a bit more on the table, if we don't have the money we don't go and if a quite lunch would suit us better than a big night out we do that. If like the OP I felt hard done by or aggrieved by a night out in certain company I would resolve to do something different next time. Can't see anything passive aggressive in that... And we have all been pregnant and yes their were some social events I didn't enjoy as much and not because I couldn't throw alcohol down my neck.

Yanbu. I was out with my DBs , DNs and DM recently and we could have had a similar situation. One of my DBs and his 2 DSs ate very little, so we shared the cost between the rest of us as we had more courses and alcoholic drinks. Didn't ask him for anything. He's usually pretty generous so it was nice to do. He was really chuffed.

It's totally unreasonable to ask you to subsidize their drinking and eating. What a mean, unfeeling lot.

Be careful though. We had a friend who would always order the most expensive stuff on the menu, drink most of the wine, then leave early tossing some money onto the table to pay for his meal. It was always a lot less than he ate/drank. He's no longer a friend.

I learned my lesson with this when DH and I were stung a few weeks after we'd moved house and were absolutely skint.

"Oh, you must come" said PILs, "we couldn't possibly enjoy our night without you!"

That night is forever known as The Night of the Lobster Biryani, where we were asked for £95 for two vegetable kormas, a pilau rice to share, and a jug of tap water (we were SO POOR).

They catsbum face me now every time I request split bills at the beginning of a meal, but I ate value supernoodles for weeks to subsidise their lobster and double brandies.

Tiggy that is did you pay? I don't think I could ever have eaten out with them again!

That story, and others like blowmybarnacles's, just confirm my belief that the people who take most advantage of bill splitting are those who can most easily afford to pay up. As pp said, that's why they're rich.