Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To talk about benefits?

163 replies

TinyTapDancer · 30/07/2016 21:02

It seems such a sensitive subject around here!

I don't work, well not 'paid' work as such. I am a SAHM, but it's not a luxury as some would describe. But I wanted to describe what I do to give some insight into why do what I do, because I do feel judged, and I do feel guilty...

I have 2 dc's and a dh we have a mortgage. DH works ft. DH's wage is over the tax credits thresh-hold BUT we do get tax credits because both dc's have 'special needs' (hate that term). The boys get DLA and child benefit.

I claim carers allowance, only one lot mind, because that's all I'm allowed to.
Both dc's are in mainstream school full time.
Why don't I work while they are in school?

Well I could, but just now I am so tired, it's exhausting caring for my 2 dc's.
Yes the carers allowance and tax credits cover the earning gap, and I would probably lose that if and when I start earning that, and that's why I feel guilty. I would struggle to find a job in school hours.

Anyway, I just wanted to highlight, that not everyone is a money grabbing benefit cheat.

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 30/07/2016 22:48

Lolo Lemon is likely to have the same problems if she continues trying to exist on 5 to 6 hours sleep a week.

Martyrdom wont help you then Lemon.

BeyondBeyondBeyondBeyondBeyond · 30/07/2016 22:52

I get ESA and PIP, as well as child tax credits.

People who think it's an easy lifestyle choice have no idea what it is like to be terrified every day that the postman will bring a brown envelope Angry

BeyondBeyondBeyondBeyondBeyond · 30/07/2016 22:53

I know a lot of people on benefits and a grand total of zero shammers.

MammaTJ · 30/07/2016 23:05

I would say those who know people who cheat the system, would need to upgrade their friends!

WankersHacksandThieves · 30/07/2016 23:07

Mamma they are not friends.

Technically they are claiming what they are able to, morally they are cheating. there will always be people like this, the system has to change or we just have to accept that in order to help those who need it we also will have those who will cheat.

hownottofuckup · 30/07/2016 23:08

I don't know any benefit cheats. Or maybe I do, not sure how I'd know tbh, I don't exactly know how people come by their money.

I have just put in a claim for benefits, it's a nightmare. There is countless delays and they make numerous mistakes. In all my working life I've never come across a more mind boggling process. Thank God I have wider support and thank God it's only going to be for a couple of months (although it'll probably take that long for the claim to be sorted out!) as an emergency safety net the system doesn't work IME. Just pleased I've managed to pay my rent this month. As long as I can scrape enough together for beans, bread, milk, tea, nappies, toilet roll, wet wipes, eggs, butter and the electric key the rest can wait.
This whole experience had made me realise how extremely lucky I am. I'm a lone parent but thanks to my own parents and friends I'm not alone.

thecook · 31/07/2016 00:16

OP

Don't be daft love. Carers allowance is a pittance.

You are working. You are caring.

PaniWahine · 31/07/2016 00:20

I unfortunately come across benefit cheats through volunteering (I work full time 40hrs, study for a Masters, and volunteer for a community support group where I often find myself completing forms... So while childfree, often very tired on 5.5hrs sleep). There are a definite sector of society who perceive benefits as free money without obligation and indeed as their rights (why is it so many people are fixated on their rights yet conveniently forget their responsibilities?! Confused ) I'm happy to pay my taxes when I know it's going to the right places, like supporting vulnerable children or healthcare or the police etc I'm less happy to financing the lifestyle of someone who chooses to double dip or play the system. If you can genuinely look in the mirror and say "I can't work because my sons health demands prevent it", fine take my taxes but equally if it's just because it would be inconvenient, that's not fair.

HelenaDove · 31/07/2016 00:58

Pani i quite often only had 5 hours sleep a day when i used to work nights years ago.

But a PP said the same amount a WEEK. Someone would end up in hospital if they did that or possibly fall asleep at work which would endanger the lives of others,

There is a reason the Gestapo used sleep deprivation as a form of torture.

Original poster
TinyTapDancer · 31/07/2016 06:11

Some days I feel it would be the easier option for me to go out to work, let someone else look after my dc Shock because believe me they are are hard work, bless them.

Neither option is an easy option. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
I will please the many if I go out to work, but my physical health will suffer more and so will my family, but if i stay at home I get judged. It's not for that much money either, DH pays more in taxes each month!!!

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 31/07/2016 06:19

Totalrecall did you mean to totally ignore the fact that the kids have additional needs there?

I work but my DD never will.

Plus OP has health issues herself.

honkinghaddock · 31/07/2016 06:41

Caring for a disabled child is very different from being a parent to a non disabled child. There is no comparison. I don't work because it is better for for my child that I do not. It is also cheaper for society as it enables my son to live at home rather than being in residential care.

bunnyfuller · 31/07/2016 06:54

I'm the taxi driver/cleaner/cook/tutor etc etc. My kids are at school and dh and I tag team working hours to avoid costly and difficult to find childcare. I'm CONSTANTLY tiredGrin but this appears to go with the territory. I appreciate SN can be more demanding but presumably they're managing school and therefore sleep at night. OP you're getting way more downtime than I've had since having kids! There are jobs that don't demand childcare that will do shifts or school friendly hours (supermarkets?). It's knackering but doable.

Girlgonewild · 31/07/2016 06:55

It's not cheating (or illegal) to claim what you are entitled to. I think it's important we make that clear. Just as a husband and wife might both work for £11k a year rather than one on £22k to reduce their tax - perfectly legal so not "tax evasion" but is "tax avoidance" (a legal activity). So the person so busy dealing drugs who also claims benefits but could work is acting illegally and could go to prison, whereas someone who would not like to work many or any hours and the system allows within the rules them to claim benefits is not acting illegally. Now the state of course can tighten the system and it does from time to time and it is now because a lot of people including single mothers who work full time without even tax credits have got a bit fed up of funding other people to stay at home who could work just as hard if they were made to. (Disability is a totally different issue of course and sleepless nights yet another - plenty are in jobs where you may work to mid night every night; others of us have worked through the night ; and plenty of us have been back after giving birth to full time work and been up most of the night breastfeeding and then in the office for 9am and yes for mnoths and months we have to educe 5 hours sleep a night - that's par for the course for many many working mothers and always has been often for years and years. it's not nice but it keeps our families fed).

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere · 31/07/2016 07:01

If ny posts have come across as " I don't work and that's better for my kids" - it was meant from a purely personal perspective. Other families will be different obv Smile

One of our sons is likely to never live independently and so the care he needs now is likely to stay the same forever. Theoretically he is in school 9-3 and plenty of people have questioned why I don't get a job around those hours. Firstly - his attendance due to his needs sits at around 50%, and that's 95% unexpected illness or unable to attend - I'd be lucky to find an employer happy with that. Secondly - I'm exhausted. Physically and emotionally. I have health issues myself, 2 children with complex needs, 2 without and rarely get a nights sleep.

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere · 31/07/2016 07:05

Sorry posted too soon Blush when they are reliably at school I would love to be working again ... I need that adult time and interaction and a sense of worth that sadly isn't given to those caring for their own families. It's a shame because I certainly don't look down on people who care for others for a living :(

heron98 · 31/07/2016 07:06

My friend works part time and gets top ups which means she earns more than me working full time. It really pisses me off. That's not a fair system.

Sirzy · 31/07/2016 07:15

I tried working and caring for Ds who has additional needs. It made me ill.

Add to that the fact that he has on average 2 appointments a week, can end up in hospital at any point for anything from one night to a couple of weeks and has school attendance around 76% it is pretty hard to find a job that would accommodate that!

AyeAmarok · 31/07/2016 07:21

I think I only know one person on benefits,and he is scamming the system.

I might know others, but I don't know they're on benefits and doubt if they are it's not for a legitimate reason.

honkinghaddock · 31/07/2016 07:31

I think some people are never going to understand the difference between caring for disabled and non disabled children.

pimmsperfecto · 31/07/2016 07:35

OP, I think at some level you must have some feelings of guilt at claiming benefits or you would not have started this thread to try to justify yourself. Given that your husband pays in more than you get back, i think it is fair to say that your family unit is paying its way.

I agree with the previous posters who said everyone's circumstances are different, so you can't judge unless you are fully aware of those circumstances. However, undoubtedly some people abuse the system, which is bad news for all of the genuine claimants.

For example, a colleague has a daughter who is a graduate with a professional cookery qualification. She lives with her BF who has a first class degree in aviation engineering, who owns his own house due to an inheritance. They are in their early 20s.

They have made a conscious decision to live on benefits because they don't want to be oppressed and work for someone else's profit. They don't do any voluntary work. They just feel entitled to live off taxpayers' money, and they whinge about how little money they have and how life is hard.

It makes me so angry, but they are legitimately claiming JSA, so not cheats in that sense, although morally it is repugnant. It is a career choice for them.

honkinghaddock · 31/07/2016 07:38

This thread is going to attract those who can't think outside their own box and those who just want to be goady. Not one I'd choose to start.

Namechangingme · 31/07/2016 07:40

How can they be legitimately claiming JSA if they are not committed to the JS part of it? Pimms

soyvanillalatte · 31/07/2016 07:41

Just out of curiosity OP, do you sleep in the day?

I am a sahm and do a bit of freelance work, now and then, at home and probably might earn £70 a week from that. DH earns well under the threshold and we don't claim tax credits. (Maybe I should or maybe I should get a job, either way)

CodyKing · 31/07/2016 07:55

I was a SAHM for a few years - 3 under 2 meant my pay didn't cover the childcare.

I went to night school to gain additional qualifications - Classroom assistant - first aid - counselling etc - knowing I needed a school hours job. I earn a 1/3 of what I used to but wanted to earn my own money.

OP what would happen if DH left you? You are leaving yourself open to a life on benefits without a career in place - even part time work on a different field will help your CV - you need to think long teeth about yourself.

Swipe left for the next trending thread