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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To talk about benefits?

163 replies

TinyTapDancer · 30/07/2016 21:02

It seems such a sensitive subject around here!

I don't work, well not 'paid' work as such. I am a SAHM, but it's not a luxury as some would describe. But I wanted to describe what I do to give some insight into why do what I do, because I do feel judged, and I do feel guilty...

I have 2 dc's and a dh we have a mortgage. DH works ft. DH's wage is over the tax credits thresh-hold BUT we do get tax credits because both dc's have 'special needs' (hate that term). The boys get DLA and child benefit.

I claim carers allowance, only one lot mind, because that's all I'm allowed to.
Both dc's are in mainstream school full time.
Why don't I work while they are in school?

Well I could, but just now I am so tired, it's exhausting caring for my 2 dc's.
Yes the carers allowance and tax credits cover the earning gap, and I would probably lose that if and when I start earning that, and that's why I feel guilty. I would struggle to find a job in school hours.

Anyway, I just wanted to highlight, that not everyone is a money grabbing benefit cheat.

OP posts:
Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere · 30/07/2016 21:30

OP I too get the one amount for 2 disabled children ( have 4 In total ). I've become fairly thick skinned over it in recent times - I'm giving the best possible care I can, and receiving little financial support to balance the fact I cannot work at the moment. I could refuse to provide that care and the local authority would have to provide someone at a estimated cost of £12per hour ...

Finding work that fits around children with additional needs is very difficult depending on your skill set / area. I'm trying to remember that I'm accepting financial support short term because it will mean I can give the best care possible long term.

Lemonwords · 30/07/2016 21:33

I am playing devils advocate here as I know it's bloody hard having children with disabilities but you do say you could work but you're too tired and couldn't find a job during school time. This doesn't sound like it's impossible for you just easier not too. I looked last week for a friend and in our local area there were lots of school based jobs such as dinner ladies, admin and teaching support. All term time only.

I am in the same position as you. Get DLA for DC but not tax credits etc as I work. I am knackered. Up all night at moment and endless appointments but I still get up and go to work, make up time if needed or take parental leave.

So I would question do you claim carers and tax credits because you absolutely have to or because it's easier not to work. For some it's not a choice but I am not sure with your DC in full time school you can say it's an absolute need to take them.

islandtiare · 30/07/2016 21:33

Don't regret it op !!

Fuck what daily mail types think!!

You do what's right for you and your family X

Original poster
TinyTapDancer · 30/07/2016 21:35

Just thought I'd highlight the plight of carers, and the stress we go through, but I can see that maybe that unless you understand and go through it yourself, you're unlikely to care.

OP posts:
Original poster
TinyTapDancer · 30/07/2016 21:38

Yes it's easier not too, I will admit that, but I also have health issues too. Fact is, we have no support where we live, so would be very difficult to manage work and kids and the appointments.

OP posts:
islandtiare · 30/07/2016 21:38

I'm not a carer and I care.

I also have absolutely no problem with people choosing to stay at home and claim tax credits

Absolutely Can't stand this fucking work work work culture

islandtiare · 30/07/2016 21:39

Sorry not suggesting you choose that op ...clearly from your OP you don't

But don't feel guilty or feel you have to justify it cos you absolutely do not X

Cinderbloom · 30/07/2016 21:40

Lemonwords, if you are up all night and work, when do you sleep?

I know lone parents who have DC awake most nights and they have to sleep during the school day as they don't have anyone to help them catch up at weekends or in the evenings. School holidays are so hard for them.

Original poster
TinyTapDancer · 30/07/2016 21:40

Sorry I made a sweeping generalising statement there.

OP posts:
Original poster
TinyTapDancer · 30/07/2016 21:42

Lemonwords how do you do it all? Your the type of person that makes me feel awful. I don't mean to be rude, but how do you do it?

OP posts:
champagneplanet · 30/07/2016 21:42

Partly agree with Lemon. A lot of us here are parents, we are all tired, we all work, whether it's in the home, outside of the home or both in a lot of cases.

I'm not going to judge for your reasons why you don't work, why you get benefits, etc. The attitude towards benefits claimants is the way it is because for a lot of people it's a career choice, you don't need MN to tell you that. As long as you are happy with the choices you have made in life for you and your family I won't give a toss what other people think.

Original poster
TinyTapDancer · 30/07/2016 21:43

islandtire Flowers

OP posts:
Cinderbloom · 30/07/2016 21:46

Sorry, should have qualified my post: Lone parents who have disabled DC with autism or physical disabilities who need watching throughout the night.

LoloKazoloh · 30/07/2016 21:47

Take the money. Look after yourself and your kids. Honestly. I got out of hospital a few weeks ago and I am stuck in bed feeling like I've been hit with hammers all day.

I cared for DH for 15y, 8 of those round the clock, and work full time from home. I tried so hard. I worked SO hard. I spent so long cold and hungry when I was trying to get work going. I didn't sleep through a night for 10 years. And now at 32 my health is broken and I just nearly died of sepsis. And no, I didn't get any less disdain or scorn from the Daily Mailers; they despise me anyway.

It just isn't worth it. Look after your boys for as long as you can and look after yourself TOO. Take the money. Take all the help you can get.

islandtiare · 30/07/2016 21:48

lolo FlowersFlowers

WrappedInABlankie · 30/07/2016 21:48

Don't regret it, however I can't blame you. So far every thread I've seen that involves the OP saying they're on benefits the thread gets derailed, they're obviously a benefit cheat and they get torn to shreds so others can feel validated. It's sad.

Original poster
TinyTapDancer · 30/07/2016 21:49

Flowers Lolo hope you're ok

OP posts:
Original poster
TinyTapDancer · 30/07/2016 21:50

I do it for my dc's, and you know what??? They are thriving!!!

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 30/07/2016 21:55

I do it for my dc's, and you know what??? They are thriving!!!

Well, where would they be if you did work and stopped the benefits you are entitled to? Probably not thriving! Probably more likely to cost the government more in the years ahead if they did not have your nurturing behind them!

You do not have to justify yourself to anyone. You really don't!

Lemonwords · 30/07/2016 21:55

Cinder I am not referring to all carers. I was pulling out the OPs specific reasons for not working (being tired and needing term time work) as being questionable. I have no idea of her DCs needs.

I get by on 5-6 hours during the week (go to bed with DC and start night shift at midnight and then get some 5am to 6.30am) and more at weekend as DH is around.

My point is that carers allowance and tax credits are essentials for many. However, sometimes they are a choice.

My DH is an apprentice on long hours and naff all age wise - we could absolutely play the system but I don't feel right doing so. My choice for my situation.

Lemonwords · 30/07/2016 21:55

*wage wise

Original poster
TinyTapDancer · 30/07/2016 21:58

Mamma your post brought tears to my eyes, thankyou Flowers I need to grow that thicker skin faster.

lemon my health condition (dont want to sat what it is) requires me to have a lot of sleep, which I struggle to get, so I have to catch up during the day, which isn't hard as my meds knock me out anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
TinyTapDancer · 30/07/2016 22:00

I certainly don't play the system. It was suggested to me by CAB that I could apply for PIP, but I refused, as I really don't think I meet the requirements at all.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 30/07/2016 22:00

Absolutely Can't stand this fucking work work work culture

It's not a 'culture', people need to work in order to pay for things. If they didn't, there would be no-one paying taxes which would result in no benefit for anyone.

ConfuciousSaysWhat · 30/07/2016 22:00

Take the money that's what it's there for.

I'm disabled but work and I claim pip which means I get the disability element of wtc. My husband works but due to me working I cannot pull my weight round the house due to extreme levels of fatigue and pain. He's also my carer. The little extra we get in benefits means we are able to get a cleaner and a gardener in to take the pressure off dh. I make no apologies for doing so.

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