To talk about benefits?

[TinyTapDancer]

It seems such a sensitive subject around here!

I don't work, well not 'paid' work as such. I am a SAHM, but it's not a luxury as some would describe. But I wanted to describe what I do to give some insight into why do what I do, because I do feel judged, and I do feel guilty...

I have 2 dc's and a dh we have a mortgage. DH works ft. DH's wage is over the tax credits thresh-hold BUT we do get tax credits because both dc's have 'special needs' (hate that term). The boys get DLA and child benefit.

I claim carers allowance, only one lot mind, because that's all I'm allowed to.
Both dc's are in mainstream school full time.
Why don't I work while they are in school?

Well I could, but just now I am so tired, it's exhausting caring for my 2 dc's.
Yes the carers allowance and tax credits cover the earning gap, and I would probably lose that if and when I start earning that, and that's why I feel guilty. I would struggle to find a job in school hours.

Anyway, I just wanted to highlight, that not everyone is a money grabbing benefit cheat.

OP, in your situation I'd do the same as you

I'm not suggesting this applies to you OP but there are people who don't actually understand that that it's the taxes that people pay that pays their benefit money. Seems obvious right? Apparently not.

Some people believe that the money "comes from the government" and is therefore fair game as "look at what all those politicians have.... "

It's madness. I think if people actually understood that it's their friends/family/neighbours etc that are funding for what some people is a lifestyle choice then maybe it would affect at least some people's behaviours.

I don't resent paying tax and in fact I think i should pay more, I'd happily pay increased benefits to those in desperate need. I get hacked off with piss takers (they do exist) or those that feel they should be a stay at home parent despite not being able to afford it without benefits, when many people who are funding via their tax would like to do that but cannot as they can't afford to.

Anyhow, I understand that being a carer to children with extra need must be hard and tiring, however, if they attend mainstream school and are out of the house all day, maybe there is work you could do? or maybe not? Anyway, in the future are your DC going to be able to live independently in any way shape or form? If they are then you will need to be prepared for your benefits for them ceasing and also consider your own future in terms of a pension etc.

So Mayne MammaTJ we shouldn't be putting people against each other? According to your post if Op went to work her kids wouldn't be thriving? Nice.
Some of us have no choice , I work full time with two kids with additional needs (four in total) and I don't need to read on here that mine are worse off than someone who doesn't work because they are tired. We're all bloody tired.

·Maybe
·Pitting

Understand the one-third rule of tribes. Here’s the deal: 1/3 of people you meet are going to love you, no matter how much of a mess you are, because you’re their FAVORITE kind of mess. 1/3 of people really aren’t going to care, no matter how brilliantly you dance for them. You could do a triple flip on toe shoes, and they’d yawn politely. And 1/3 of people are going to just loathe you. Yup, EVEN IF you explain it really well and see their side too and yadda yadda — nope. They just aren’t going to like you.

I lifted this off an excellent blog recently because I was really struggling to come to terms with the fact that people were behaving like arseholes about my sons additional needs and I wanted to learn how develop a thicker skin, now it has become my mantra. Stop trying to prove yourself to the 2/3s of people who do not matter because it expends energy that you, particularly you in a caring role, simply do not have. Just lump people who behave like dicks into you 2/3s pile and keep the 1/3 pile close. If necessary meet more people for your 1/3 group perhaps through SN support groups or other like minded people etc but forget about the 2/3.

Everyone has different circumstances so I hate hate hate those who make sweeping statements towards benefits. The system is there as a safety net and if you need it, it's a godsend to know you can support your family.
It's the people who can't be arsed and have no motivation or intention that ruin it for everyone.
What is annoying is the way the sums work out. If I had taken a job the other week, by the time I had paid for childcare I would have had £50 at the end of the week to house and feed my toddler and myself. Also, the way some benefits that work out that someone not working can sometimes end up claiming more than a full time worker earns.
OP, anyone who might judge you is small minded and not worth your energy.

Before anyone hates me for not taking the job, I am frantically applying for nurseries, looking for work to fit with being a single mother of a just turned 2 year old and looking into volunteering for when DDs twatty Dad might have her so I can get work experience.

I'm happy to live in a country with a welfare state that's structured to tax people and give back to those who need it most. That's what the system was and is designed to do and there are always going to be exceptions. I recall trying to explain our system to people I worked with when I lived abroad for nine years in a country with (virtually) no tax and no welfare state. They were horrified by the idea because they're used to the way their country operates - six weeks of maternity leave, following which you stay in your job for a year or you pay the company the six weeks' pay back on a pro rata basis. Childcare 52 weeks a year - expensive but could be done. No CHB, JSA, tax credits etc. Pretty much full employment and a work permit, renewable annually, for foreign workers (as we were called).

Oddly enough there were lots of single parent families - and they certainly weren't doing it for benefits. Women tended to run the offices and men went into construction etc. There was a great work ethic and a strong sense of family and community.

Benefits are there as a safety net and support for people like the OP. No one reasonable would criticise her for claiming them, surely. There's some abuse, and over-reliance in the system, but not in this case.

School hours jobs are about, yes, but they're so hard to get. The school secretary job at my kids' old school attracted over 100 applications. A friend advertised an HR exec post on social media, hours 9 til 3, and came in the next day to a huge email inbox - she just opened 20 emails at random and invited 5 of them in for interview. Bad odds if you appled.

If you are legitimately claiming then you have the right to do what's best for your family. I spent 8 years as a SAHM/carer, with carer's allowance. Now I'm a WOHM/carer, without carer's allowance despite doing the same caring 😀.

We aren't really better off with me working. What i earn is offset by reduction in benefits. Childcare is complicated. I'm exhausted. But the benefit to me of having an identity as 'Lougle the woman who's good at what she is qualified to do' rather than 'Lougle the mum/carer' has been lifesaving. However, it's only been possible because my parents can help with some of the childcare as we couldn't get a childminder to cover it.

Whether you are on benefits is no ones business but yours and as a PP says if you are I tilted to it why not?. however I hate all this "I work 24/7" or I am a cleaner, taxi driver, housekeeper etc and I don't get paid stuff. That's what being a parent is. If you choose to have kids you choose to do that, our parents did it, we do it, and one day our kids will do it. You are not a saint because you choose to look after kids you chose to have. And parents that work don't get to come in and ignore their kids for the rest of the day. Both your kids are in school for a good part of the day so you are not looking after them 24/7. Are you saying you don't get a break? During that time a SAHP has much more flexibility to do things than someone that works, and those that work still have to come home and do their share of the chores

I think you've put it more clearly than I did

We know that not everyone is a benefit cheat, just a small minority are!! The media have definitely not helped, from their reports in the newspapers to all these telly programmes (channel 4 and 5, I'm looking at you). The result of this is that everyone is tarred with the same thing, if you're on benefits then you are a cheat.

If you are on JSA, you're automatically seen as a 'dole dosser' which isn't the case!! There's less emphasis on getting these people onto training courses to help find work, if you've got no experience how on earth is a person meant to find a job? And don't get me started on sending people to a charity shop, that's just unfair!

Thanks Lemon, I see what you mean.

Does anyone know why Carers Allownace is less than Jobseekers? I ask because I keep reading that JSA is a much less compared to a state pension because a pensioner has no opportunity (or expectation - rightly) to increase their earning power, and because JSA is designed to be short-term.

Someone is caring for a person who might need expensive long-term (tax-funded) provision and having limits set on their hours and earnings is in a similar position, surely?

I think it's a much bigger picture when you have children with special needs. Childcare is hard enough to find, and bloody expensive, for NT children so it must be like looking for hen's teeth for specialist childcare.

I don't begrudge anyone in your situation being a SAHM, OP.

Our lives would be much easier if DH gave up work and became my full time carer, but for his, and my, sanity it's better that he works. I can't, I'm too poorly. I get PIP, I don't get ESA or anything else. We support our DS through uni. If our children were smaller I don't know if we'd mange with DH working but it wasn't a choice for me to become disabled.

Stevefromstevenage I will try to remember that thanks.

Poulter you are setting your kids a fantastic example by working. Particularly girls who realise they can be whatever they want to be and do what ever they want to do. doing them a disservice? Quite the opposite.

Fairenuff - there is a problem when the view being pushed is that any work is good for everyone. Work is not always good for you, for some people it's actually damaging.

And why does everyone seem to know someone who is claiming fraudulently? I don't and I've lived in poor areas. I just don't believe it's as large a problem as people think. The much bigger problem is the difficulty genuine claimants are having in getting the support they're entitled to, and even when they get it the stress they have to cope with whenever they're reassessed.

Wow! Some of the people on here have no compassion or even understanding at all!
I have 3 DCs. All fit and healthy and no SNs. I'm very lucky.
DP and I both work (DP full-time, me 24 hours a week). DP and I get a lot of money from child benefit and tax credits and housing benefit and couldn't survive without it. We declare every penny we earn, so we are not on the fiddle.
We live in a tiny house and all holidays are with family or friends or occasionally camping because we can't afford a "proper" family holiday. But that's fine! All our basic needs are met. We even have a car! We're happy and the DCs are happy.
Over the years, DP and I have paid plenty of tax and our DCs will grow up and pay taxes and contribute to society.
I'm sure the majority of posters on this thread would say that I shouldn't have had 3 DCs if we needed tax credits and housing benefit to support us, but life is not that simple. DC3 was an accident. I am completely pro-choice but anyone who thinks it would be better for my adorable dimply DC3 not to exist than for me to get benefits to support her can go fuck themselves.

I looked after my DH pretty much 24/7. I could not leave the house for more than 30 minutes for years. I got up every 90 minutes at night, often more. I had no holidays, no time off, no breaks, no rights, very limited access to medical care (for myself), no access to formal education. This happens to people all over this country and all people say is well, everyone's tired.

People don't believe you until your organs start shutting down. It doesn't suit them to hear it. Don't waste your energy on these people, OP!

And I should go to bed! xo

I never blame anyone who claims what they are entitled to. Of course sometimes the system needs to change and has ( no tax credits for new third children etc). People do need to remember that many of who work full time with no tax credits are the one paying to ensure those who want to be home because work is tiring or they can't be bothered are not paid out of a magic money tree but off the backs of mostly medium wage earners (there are not a lot of people who earn huge sums in the UK so most tax which pays benefits comes from ordinary workers working full time who don't get tax credits or housing benefit).

Not everyone is a benefit cheat but we all know of someone who is.

I don't (as long as you don't count random people in the papers).

Before you ask, I live in a very socially mixed group and have friends from a wide range of backgrounds. To be fair, I don't ask them for detailed accounts of their financial circumstances, but who does? And if you don't ask, you just assume, you have no right to speculate about them. You don't know how much you don't know about the people you dismiss as cheats and fraudsters.

I'm on dla..I won't say what for or will out myself. But not every one on benefits is lazy or taking advantage and actually some of us want to work but when it comes to it our health will let us down and we are not employable. It's very frustrating because as women we want to achieve and feel like we are achieving outside the home in this day and age

*I live in a very socially mixed area

(Another one here who needs to get to bed!)

Not everyone is a benefit cheat but we all know of someone who is.

I know several, although all would technically meet the requirements for benefits.

One example, woman, late 30's, kids in school (no special needs), she doesn't work because she is apparently unable, however she does manage to be the full time banker and errand runner for the local drug dealers. This involves many visits per day to collect cash, doing their shopping etc. basically she has no time or need to work legitimately. And before you ask, yes they have all been reported and raided and are back in business and she has a GP signed off medical condition which apparently renders her unable to work and yes she is claiming benefits

I appreciate that the vast majority of claimants are not the same, but yes, cheats do exist.