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Original poster

DP is furious because friend tried to kiss me

149 replies

deVelvet · 30/07/2016 02:25

Apologies I'm still slightly drunk.

We have just come home from a night out.
We went back to a friend's house and wife was in bed. Whilst dp was in toilet the friend groped me and tried to kiss me. He said he wanted to stick tongue down my throat. I absolutely stopped him and made our excuses to leave
I was in shock and told DP on the way home but now he is furious and we have fallen out.
DP is truly furious - in a way I've never seen before - now I feel shit for even saying anything at all.

This man is a parent of our footie team. DP says now that out eldest won't play for the team and that he will explain to everyone why. I feel this is unnecessary and that we should just deal with like adults.
No need to involve or punish people who were not involved.
I know this man was drunk, saw a side to him tonight that was odd.
Now I feel I shouldn't have said anything but I'd never hold something from dp

What the fuck! ?

OP posts:
Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 30/07/2016 12:28

WTAF? So you think it was a bit of harmless "trying his luck" to go up to a woman who he knows is in a relationship anyway and grab her boobs?

Even if she weren't in a relationship that's a hell of strange dating ritual!

OP your DH is right to be angry wit thu's buffoon. But you need to negotiate it so your son doesn't have to suffer but that the buffoon does.

Mjingaxx · 30/07/2016 12:29

Don't be RIDICULOUS

Switch this round. Would you walk up behind him and grab his penis, as a way to initiate an affair?

MistressDeeCee · 30/07/2016 12:31

I don't blame him for being furious, but he is WAY out of order for being angry at you. You're the one who was assaulted.

If he's hellbent on this disrupting the 2 of you, or further repercussions, then its time for him to go and face down this man about it then. If its not a case that he's scared to face him but cool with passing wrath onto you, that is

Sexual assault is wrong - Im trying to "unsee" comments that imply "oh well he was just trying his luck" - no man has the right to put his hands on a woman who has not invited him to do so EVER, and he is a particular creep because he knows your partner and likewise you know his

GROPING IS SEXUAL ASSAULT

There may be a fallout from all this but fuck it, so what? People get away with bad stuff all the time, because the victims of their misdeeds are too busy being hush hush so as to not upset others, or cause a fuss, or disturb friendships or arrangements etc. Thats exactly how you enable people to continue doing wrong

& being drunk is no excuse - groping people doesn't go hand in hand with being drunk unless one is a creep in the 1st place

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 30/07/2016 12:32

Exactly mjing. It always baffles me that what is seen as harmlessly "trying your luck"/"can't blame a bloke for trying" in men would be patently bonkers behaviour if a woman did it.

LagunaBubbles · 30/07/2016 12:33

He groped your boobs? I would be phoning the Police.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 30/07/2016 12:33

He should consider himself extremely lucky your DP didn't walk in on him. What an utter twat. I hope (and expect) he is having a thoroughly miserable day worrying about the consequences of his actions. Horrible man. Don't let his crappy behaviour come between you & DP. How do you feel about reporting it?

Original poster
deVelvet · 30/07/2016 12:35

Dp wasn't directing his anger at me, he was ranting and raving that he was pulling ds out the footie team and that he would be telling everyone why, also that he would be telling the wife what had happened.

Then he was being all dramatic about how ds would feel and that we would need to find him a new team etc etc.

I will be speaking to DP about it tonight when kids go to bed.

OP posts:
24601ButYouCanCallMeValjean · 30/07/2016 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
deVelvet · 30/07/2016 12:40

I don't think I will report this tbh. It's just too much. It just seems like inviting more drama.

I don't FEEL like I was assaulted, although on paper I was.

Ffs. What an absolute bastard. His poor wife too :(

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 30/07/2016 12:44

I was in shock and told DP on the way home but now he is furious and we have fallen out

Thats what made me think he was annoyed with you actually - sounds like it from your wording

Then he was being all dramatic about how ds would feel and that we would need to find him a new team

Id be dramatic too - he has to see his son being civil to a man who grabbed his mum's breasts and groped her. & as your DP he has to regularly see a man who sexually assaulted his partner, and hold his tongue to keep the peace so its not.. you know.... awkward

I can't see anywhere in that scenario where he should be happy and it won't bode well for your relationship either. Why can't your son change football team? He is young, its not a semi-professional team he's been with for years is it?

This man is being given too much importance. & he is a bad character to say the least

Anyway,, you know best and I hope it all goes well

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 30/07/2016 12:45

Poor both of you. Yep, sensible thing is to sit down this evening with DP and discuss. Good luck X

Mjingaxx · 30/07/2016 12:48

246 are you taking the piss?

Angry Angry Angry

This ISNT a false accusation

Up to OP if she wants to report it, but your post is the biggest load of victim blaming wank

OP he is relying on you not wanting to make a fuss, to get away with this

Original poster
deVelvet · 30/07/2016 12:49

Need to talk to DP about this tonight. We both need to talk about exactly how we feel and how we move forward.

DP and I are very communicative so have no problems thrashing this out with him later.

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 30/07/2016 12:50

I'm not trying to belittle sexual assault before anyone says that

Oh yes you are, 2460 - & in a particularly horrid way, because you are aiming to make it couch it in terms that sound reasonable, and that women are being over-dramatic by deeming this assault

Abuse apologists are always there to deem little women as "over-reacting" you're almost as bad as men who think a woman's body is a free for all -

grabbed a boob pinched her arse so what I was drunk why is she making a fuss....

& your trying to sound oh so reasonable stance on where some sexual assault isn't so bad could be triggering for those who have experienced it and were very upset by it

Snowflakes1122 · 30/07/2016 12:51

Wow. What a jerk! I don't care how drunk he was. No excuse for what he did. The alcohol is merely an excuse for some people.

Mjingaxx · 30/07/2016 12:52

Not FEELING you have been sexually assaulted, is normal

That is a result of the rapey victim blaming culture....with preset ascertions on how a 'proper' victim should feel/act

SaggyNaggy · 30/07/2016 12:53

If is happened to my GF I wouldn't get angry, I'd very calmly call the police and let them handle it. I'd be more concerned that my gf was OK tbh. Mind you, Id be confused if my gf didn't call the police before telling me tbh.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 30/07/2016 12:54

Something similar happened to me once and it was very awkward. I made sure never to be alone with him and the couple are now divorced. It turned out not to have been an isolated incident...
To the pp saying it was a drunk and clumsy way of trying his luck, the guy knew op has a partnership and he has a wife! How is it ok for married person to try his luck with people, drunk, welcome, whatever?

faceymcfuckface · 30/07/2016 12:55

Well I wouldn't be calling the police but I would probably cut this guy out of your life. What a jerk!

LockedOutOfMN · 30/07/2016 12:56

Good advice from Berthatydfil. Sorry to hear of your husband's apparently misdirected anger about the assault too.

SaggyNaggy · 30/07/2016 12:58

I don't get why people wouldn't call the police?

Its oinly because shit like this gets minimised that it keeps happening. If this 'man' had a visit by the cops hed likely think twice before doing it again.

When actions are ignored and not called out it allows those actions to continue. Don't be an enabler, call out the shit and stop it.

PacificDogwod · 30/07/2016 12:59

What Bertha said.

I hope your DP is not still annoyed with you Hmm

I wouldn't make my child no longer play in the football team, but I'd absolutely make it quite clear won't be any friendly socialising with the man anymore. And, yes, no minimising of what he did.
Alcohol does not change a person, it just disinhibits - he showed you who he is when the sheen of civilised behaviour is dulled by alcohol.

I'm glad you are not too traumatised by what happened, but it still was sexual assault.

PortiaCastis · 30/07/2016 13:00

What an absolute fuckwit he has no right to touch you drunk or not drunk. This is sexual assault and should be reported as such. I really hope you slapped his face but I expect you were rather shocked.

Mjingaxx · 30/07/2016 13:06

saggy, yes that is how a person should react

OP imagine a daughter of yours had told you this had happened to her. Would you get angry and fall out with her, and start ranting about her brother having to leave the football club?

ClopySow · 30/07/2016 13:08

What the actual fuck 246 where to even start.

Yes you absolutely do need permission before touching someones breasts.

People can hardly be blamed for taking this approach

Yes they can.

But I also think that men need to be protected as well because a false accusation of sexual assault can destroy lives

There was no false accusation. He sexually assaulted her.

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