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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think parents at beach were unreasonable??

233 replies

gracieben6 · 29/07/2016 22:21

Currently on holiday in France - went to the beach today with dh and my kids. DD1 (14), DS1 (10), DD2 & DD3 (twins both 7), DS2 (4) and DD4 (1).
DD1 wore a bikini, DS1 wore Bermuda shorts, DD2 & DD3 wore tankinis, DS2 and DD4 wore uv suits. We were topping the kids up with sun cream all day. A Family with 2 kids aged about 13 and 10 and both wearing full uv suits and hats came and sat near us. Mother comes up to me and asks why my 4 of my kids are not in uv suits. I said that they prefer to wear normal swimsuits and I am fine with what they wear. She proceeded to tell me I'm a bad mum for only having 2 of my kids in uv suits and that I didn't care about the ones not wearing uv suits!!! She lectured me about uv Rays even though I was topping the kids up with sun cream !! Aibu to think she was totally out of line?!?

OP posts:
Shona52 · 31/07/2016 18:03

Don't worry. You know you were doing right by ALL of your children and that's all that matters. I'm sure she just wants what's best for her DGC but she didn't have a right to say what she did only that she had a concern and leave it at that as you are the parent at the end of the day. If your DH and you are ok with it then that's all that matters x

Thingamajiggy · 31/07/2016 18:08

She sounds fecking nuts. I bet her kids have vit d deficiency. There is nothing wrong with a mixture of sunscreen (personally I think mineral ones are safest) and shade. Jesus there is barely any sun in this country! a couple of weeks in France is not going to give anyone skin cancer!

PastaLaFeasta · 31/07/2016 18:16

I've been told I was bad mum, in those words too and with regards to how my child was dressed. There are indeed absolute snobby fruit loops walking the streets of the U.K. and beaches of France. However I suspect the actual complaint was masking another judgement - in my case I look like a young mum (apparently) and in OP's case she has a very large family which is unusual these days and seen as a negative.

My kids have only worn swimsuits and suncream but have never been burnt. I don't see a problem but some people love to find ways to feel superior.

ghostspirit · 31/07/2016 18:22

im sure there was hell of a lot more kids/familys without uv suits than there were wearing them. but i guess she only choose to pick on you.. was she wearing one herself

TheGhostOfBarryFairbrother · 31/07/2016 18:29

It drives me mad when parents let their children cycle without helmets but I wouldn't lecture a stranger about it... and I'm French!

dementedma · 31/07/2016 18:39

The French are genuinely paranoid when it comes to their kids though( sweeping statement). Many holiday spent with friends with little ones the same ages as ours were a constant battle of her covertly wrapping our babies up,and us covertly unwraping hers so they could breathe!

SooBee61 · 31/07/2016 18:47

Why don't people mind their own business? It's not like you left them in a locked car in 100 degree heat!

muddyfootballkits · 31/07/2016 19:03

Maybe it was well intentioned. She might think that as a British tourist you might underestimate the power of the sun and be looking out for you. It's hard when there is a language barrier and cultural differences and it can come across as blunt. I remember a French lady suggesting my mum put a hat on my baby brother's head when we holidayed in France. There were 6 of us children. My mum wasn't offended. She was appreciative. She wasn't used to holidays abroad and how the wind can be deceptive. My dad ended up with severe sunburn even though it was cloudy and windy but baby was fine thanks to the kind ladies advice.

MsJudgemental · 31/07/2016 19:24

Ridiculous. DS, 16, has never worn one and never burnt although we usually spend over a month each year on the Italian / French Riviera. Off next week to the Canaries and looking forward to getting a nice tan.

bearleftmonkeyright · 31/07/2016 19:35

It may well have been said with the best of i intentions. I have had two basal cell carcinomas removed and that was a real shock to me. I was lucky it was so easily treated. She sounds a bit eccentric but I occasionally get on my high horse about this issue because of my experience. I have to be really careful not to get burnt.

nectarini1983 · 31/07/2016 19:43

My 6 yo wouldn't be seen dead in a uv suit! Let alone a teenager! Ideal for toddlers but unnecessary for older kids imo. Love the early comment of saying that they were your fave 2 ha ha! Nosey old bint!

Notso · 31/07/2016 20:02

I think uv suits and rash vests are brilliant. My kids don't like having suncream on, DC3 is allergic to it, and DC2 and 4 get prickly heat when they wear it and I am never sure if I have put enough on.
Two of my children burn very easily, the other two would probably go very brown if I let it happen.

DS1's friends Mum died from skin cancer. FIL has had skin cancer twice, and both of my Aunts have had it. All four of them tanned easily and thought only sunburn was damage.

LunaLoveg00d · 31/07/2016 20:04

Ideal for toddlers but unnecessary for older kids imo

Unless you have a child like mine who has exceptionally pale skin, red hair and freckles. He burns in 20 minutes on the beach in the UK, 5 minutes in the tropics. UV or rash vests are a necessity for him.

Daisygarden · 31/07/2016 20:45

nectarini if you had put your 6yo in a uv suit from being a baby, I bet they would not have the attitude of not being seen dead in one. Most uv suits are brightly coloured and with fun designs like Disney or Superheroes etc, also they come in two pieces often, so child can just wear the shorts when in shade and put the top on for when not in shade. I have a very whingy DC but he accepts without question that he will be wearing a uv top and shorts because he has never known any different.

Also it cuts down on reapplying lotion after being in and out of water and towelled off. I can just do his forearms, neck and shins/feet as his head is covered with a hat and the rest of his body covered with the suit. I don't have to worry that he'll burn his shoulders or back, ever. They don't get hot in them. What's the problem with them?

lastofthewintergin · 31/07/2016 20:51

She is obviously a twat. Hope you told her where to go.

Kr1stina · 31/07/2016 20:53

My 6 yo wouldn't be seen dead in a uv suit! Let alone a teenager! Ideal for toddlers but unnecessary for older kids iMo

Yeah, because only toddlers can get skin cancer . Proven fact .

IceBeing · 31/07/2016 21:45

It wouldn't cross my mind to tell a parent about the dangers of kids sunbathing because I would assume they already knew and were risking their kids long term health through informed choice (there is after all the vit D issue if you are darker skinned). Given the staggering ignorance shown on this thread I now believe I should be warning parents.

I don't buy into the idea that parents get to decide whether or not to protect kid's skin, but then my DM's parents let her burn as a child and she died an untimely and frankly horrifying death from malignant melanoma. If I could go back in time and give them an earful about the dangers of children sunbathing and UV light I would leap at the chance.

MaybeDoctor · 31/07/2016 21:47

*nectarini if you had put your 6yo in a uv suit from being a baby, I bet they would not have the attitude of not being seen dead in one. Most uv suits are brightly coloured and with fun designs like Disney or Superheroes etc, also they come in two pieces often, so child can just wear the shorts when in shade and put the top on for when not in shade. I have a very whingy DC but he accepts without question that he will be wearing a uv top and shorts because he has never known any different.

Also it cuts down on reapplying lotion after being in and out of water and towelled off. I can just do his forearms, neck and shins/feet as his head is covered with a hat and the rest of his body covered with the suit. I don't have to worry that he'll burn his shoulders or back, ever. They don't get hot in them. What's the problem with them?*

Yes - they are useful to avoid needing to always be super-vigilant about suncream and keeping the sun off the areas that are generally not-exposed to sun. They are cool, lightweight, you can barely feel them when they are on - pop it on and off they go!

On holiday this year (Algarve) I began wearing a UV top myself and it was brilliant! No painful burns on my shoulders or chest, no swimsuit -shaped burns all the way down my back.... Last year I had to apply burns cream to various parts of my body and really felt quite ill with it one evening - as I use suncream and mostly stick to the shade, it was probably when I was swimming or sitting by the edge of the sea that I acquired the sunburn. Avoiding that experience this year made my holiday a lot more enjoyable.

MaybeDoctor · 31/07/2016 21:48

bolding fail

superme3 · 31/07/2016 22:05

I would be very annoyed. None of her business what your kids wear.

Daisygarden · 31/07/2016 22:27

superme I wouldn't like to be told something by a stranger re parenting but then I would try to separate the annoyance from the message, to see if there was actual value in what was said.

On this occasion I think the stranger's message was valid.

If we all took the "none of my business" attitude that may be best for the parent but not necessarily for the child. The child is the most vulnerable party. Sometimes parents get to hear things that they don't like but are true.

lastofthewintergin · 31/07/2016 22:46

Daisy - they had sun cream on! How can it be valid? No child protection issue here whatsoever and no reason for anyone to think they can give their opinion. Regardless of how good uv suits are, they're not compulsory!

sallyedmondson · 31/07/2016 23:23

When people behave like this its usually about them, not you. Some people seem to have the need to attempt to correct what they deem as unacceptable behaviour and I'm not talking about truly anti social behaviour, just something that is different from their values. A good psychological strategy is to call them out on this with something like "Do you feel better now that you have said this to a perfect stranger as it was obviously bothering you. This puts the "problem" firmly back with them where it belongs.

Baileysagain · 01/08/2016 00:50

We were at the beach this week and neither my DD or DS wore UV suits, we don't even own any and never have. We just use sun cream and common sense. I would have been really upset if anyone had spoken to me like that, how rude!

Florrieboo · 01/08/2016 00:53

Just on the wearing a tee-shirt over your swimmers, I forgot my DS's rashie one day last summer and he wore his tee instead, he got burned through it, very badly burned. The first time ever. So a regular top really offers very little protection from the sun.

As for children having a "lovely tan" a tan is sun damage, there are no two ways about it. However that's not up to me to police on other people's children.