HV has put my 9 week old son on a diet

[OneForTheRoadThen]

I have a beautiful 9 week old son. He was born at 36+6 and spent the night in SCBU with an infection but after 4 days in hospital he recovered really well. He also had a tongue tie that was snipped at 11 days. However he has never ever latched on so therefore I feed him by expressing as much as I can (usually about 10 oz a day) and feeding him formula for the other feeds.

He weighed 7lb 9 at birth and has put on almost 1lb each week since then so he now weighs 14lb. He is on the 75th centile and quite chubby (but gorgeous).

I have been taking him to be weighed every week at the HV's request and she has often commented on how much weight he has put on. A couple of weeks ago she told him I was feeding him too frequently - I had been feeding on demand and he was feeding about every 2 hours - and that I needed to feed him every 3.5 - 4 hours. We had been working towards this and now I feed him every 3.5 hrs but he would be happier with 3 hourly feeds. Although he doesn't cry he does root, suck his fingers and have to be distracted with a dummy. He was having 6oz every 3.5hrs and finishing the bottle.

I got him weighed yesterday and the HV said he was eating far too much and I was risking him getting obese and having breathing difficulties. She said he must cut down to 5oz every 3.5 hours 'although he wouldn't like it' and be weighed weekly to monitor his progress.

Obviously I feel dreadful. It really upsets me to see him hungry and the constant clock watching and distracting him is getting me down. So AIBU to tell her to fuck off? Or AIBU to continue feeding him on demand and risk his health in the future?

I'd really appreciate any advice from people who have had similar experiences. Thanks.

perspective125. You did mean to type "the mother" didn't you. It's the teeniest bit less patronizing. Please tell me you have never spoken to the baby as a third party in a conversation with a professional and educated mother. For example "shall we ask mum if we can have your red book". Far better to say "hello Mrs x, or first name if you have checked first name terms are ok (and of course they are if asked) please could you give me the baby's (or Jane or John's) red book."

Definitely get a second opinion. And trust your feelings. Babies shouldnt be left if theyre hungry.

Sounds completely daft to me. Reminds me of a friend of mine years ago whose HV said she must treat her baby 'like an alcoholic' and cut down his feeds - he was only having milk. She ignored it.

Also my sister had a very hungry baby who according to the HV was having double the feeds (formula only) he ought to be having.m Again she ignored the woman - her son is long grown up and has never been even remotely overweight.

Might be worth mentioning a good friend of mine who was a HV for 10 years before having a baby of her own. She said, 'In the first month after I had him, I did every single thing I've been telling people NOT to do for the past ten years!'

Sounds like perspective went to the same training as your own HV, Onefortheroad

God, how I hate that 'Mum' business.

So rude and patronising.

At the other end of the age scale I found healthcare professionals referring to my elderly mother as 'mum' while she was right there. She absolutely hated it, but because she had dementia they thought it fine not to accord her the dignity of using her name.

WTAF? This person has no idea what they are talking about. DD started off very small but was a giant dumpling by two months old - she reached peak chubbiness at 9 months and then slimmed down as soon as the started walking at 10 months. Babies eat what they need - they lay down fat stores which then get used up once they become an active toddler who is picky about food. I think you should definitely get a second opinion, as others have suggested.

This hv is dangerous, I would complain and remove to another clinic. (Actually, I would not have done 20 years ago when I had my first, I had little confidence and a great desire to do the right thing. Hv fine but I still remember the visiting midwife (we lived in the sticks)with a shudder.

i apologise, I did not mean to come over patronising. Though picking up on that perhaps isn't useful to this discussion about babies weight but point taken thank you.
Thumbwitchesabroad, you are probably quite right, if by that you mean a professional medical background;)
It is always a case by case analysis, there is never a one fits all, that is a given, but I think being open to this concept in a time where most of us are obese and our children will not live as long as us largely as a consequence of our lifestyles it is important and worth a discussion.

Most of us aren't obese. That's a sweeping generalisation.

I think the way mothers, and women/patients in general is deeply important across all aspects of healthcare.

Good mutually helpful relationships are far more likely to be developed if all hcps address clients and all members of their families with respect and as equals. Mothers in particular are often patronized or spoken down to and it is unacceptable.

"Are you mum?". "No, I have the full power of speech thank you, my name is Mrs Roses by the way". I don't understand why hcps have to be so rude.

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/loseweight/Pages/statistics-and-causes-of-the-obesity-epidemic-in-the-UK.aspx

62% overweight or obese, of which 25% obese, im not sure you could argue we are in a healthy position as it stands!?

this is obviously not the right forum for open intelligent discussion and thought. If you wish to ignore fact and evidence that is sad. I understand what is good for some is not always good for the other but try to open your mind a little!
Good luck to you, my babies need me!:)

Oh dear. If you want intelligent debate I suggest you get to grips with basic statistics. 24.9% are obese. That is just shy of one quarter. It would have to be more than one half, or 50% to be a majority.

Furthermore I also understand that the bmi calculations are likely to be amended upwards due to further research and improved knowledge vis a vis fat/muscle ratios. That will reduce the obese percentage.

Please tell me you aren't an healthcare professional. You have made some incredibly ignorant statements.

What is your expressing regime? If you get a good pump and express every three hours you will almost certainly see your milk increase and you will have to fall back on formula less, and this may help and you can't over feed a breast fed baby so their argument will evaporate. I can thoroughly recommend the medela symphony, this can be rented on a month by month basis from medela direct, ask for a couple of extra starter kits when you ring as although more money these will pay for themselves in time saved sterilising as you'll be able to do bigger batches. Cheaper pumps can be a false economy and lead to you not getting enough milk, you need one that really get the best out of you and clearly 10fl oz isn't anywhere close to what you need. Expressing every 3 hours (all night too) is hard work and a labour of love but it can be done. Within a week of 20minutes each side every 3 hours you will be amazed at what you can produce' you will probably be able to scrap the formula (and possibly start to slack off a bit on the regime). I pump 4-6 times a day and don't do the night ones anymore, however if my production starts to fall and I find myself reaching for formula again I just suck it up return to the original regime until supply picks up (a week or so) and then cut myself some slack again. I produce about 40fl oz per day and I bet you could too. Just keep drinking lots.

"Please tell me you aren't a healthcare professional."
Oh yes, she is - she told me that she has a professional medical background! Not that the two mean exactly the same thing, obviously or should that be ?

BMI is a pile of poo anyway, IMO - a very blunt instrument that takes no account of body shape, muscle: fat ratio etc. Waist: hip ratio is a better indicator of health, or even just waist measurement, as that has been found to correlate well with indicators of ill health.

As for the increase in obesity, well. I have my own thoughts on that, and I find the diet industry largely to blame for a lot of it - that and the demonisation of fat, that allowed high sugar/carb alternatives to be created. Did it help? no. Obesity rates have risen, not fallen. Sedentary lifestyle increase has also contributed. But it's hard to get the paradigm shift required for people to get away from the "fat is bad" concept.

Good god are there still moronic health visitors like that in circulation???!

I have NEVER heard of any healthcare professional advising that a 9 week old baby be put on a diet! Sounds completely crackers to me.

Perspective125 You do realise the article you pasted on obsety is about adults and children. It says nothing about babies and as soon as a baby starts walking the weight drops. I have my doubts that you even have children the advice you are giving is shocking and I have 4 children. If you are a health professional I hope you don't get caught for giving bad advice.

If you want a discusion about obesity then start you're own thread. The op has a 9 week old baby and you want an inteligent conversation about obesity. Even the senior hv said that she was wrong to put a baby on a diet. Are you more inteligent.

FYI, the best research shows that there is no difference in terms of cognitive development between breast and bottle fed babies, as long as they are fed on demand. There's no good reason to deny a baby this young food when they want it!

This HV sounds completely crackers; don't just get a second opinion - write into their supervisor and ask for an explanation! My DS was also 75th percentile as a baby, was about the same as yours at birth, and weighed about the same or more at 9 weeks (logically, 25% of all babies did!) and we certainly got no 'who ate all the pies' comments - how on earth is a baby within the normal range meant to be somehow an obesity risk??

Report her to your surgery
She sounds unhinged
Ask your GP to refer you to a paediatrician
Get another hv

My ds was born 50th percentile. He shot up to high 90s quickly. After a few months he was down to -3. He's now a healthy 20-40 (not sure as I've stopped weighing him every two minutes).

Basically, it's a bloody good job I didn't restrict his eating when he was a chunker as that stood him in stead for what was to come.

I took my daughter to be weighed at 8 months. The HV told me I was 'setting her off on the path to a lifetime of obesity ' ( this was 6 years ago and I still remember how upset I was). She was always on the 75th centile for weight and height but my word, she was impressively chunky!
I was advised to reduce her feeds and the food she was eating. The HV was blunt and didn't even consider the fact that my DD would walk at some point!
Needless to say, DD is not obese. As soon as she started to walk, she slimmed down massively. Idiot HV.
On the other hand my 2 year old DS caused concern because he wasn't as big as my DD when he was born. I almost shouted at the paediatrician, 'That's because they are different people and he was 1 month premature!'
My grandma (God bless her soul) wasn't one for advice but she told me this after I relayed the story about my (not) obese daughter 'Trust your instincts, smile and say yes so that they leave you alone, and then do what you think is right'. It's worked so far with my son and I'm a lot less stressed out about his weight/height/ the fact he can't put his own coat on aged 2 and 3 months (seriously who makes up these tests?!)
Good luck OP , I'm sure your DS will be perfect.

I forgot to add, I didn't reduce her food or milk feeds! She was hungry, and she needed to be fed. Plus I wasn't feeding her 3 meals of cake and cola, so the HV could get lost!

Some HVs are nuts. This one especially. Ignore her.

Glad to see your update op!

I have always fed on demand (i.e. offered milk of whichever type, when DC appear hungry/unsettled) and they are healthy primary school kids now. As a rule of thumb I always check both weight and height; as long as weight roughly correlates with height (barring the period just before they start crawling, as all babies seem to chunk up just before that), then I wouldn't worry. DS1 is 75% centile for both (born on 25th), DS2 50% centile for both (born on 9th). Both are fine