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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HV has put my 9 week old son on a diet

328 replies

OneForTheRoadThen · 28/07/2016 20:24

I have a beautiful 9 week old son. He was born at 36+6 and spent the night in SCBU with an infection but after 4 days in hospital he recovered really well. He also had a tongue tie that was snipped at 11 days. However he has never ever latched on so therefore I feed him by expressing as much as I can (usually about 10 oz a day) and feeding him formula for the other feeds.

He weighed 7lb 9 at birth and has put on almost 1lb each week since then so he now weighs 14lb. He is on the 75th centile and quite chubby (but gorgeous).

I have been taking him to be weighed every week at the HV's request and she has often commented on how much weight he has put on. A couple of weeks ago she told him I was feeding him too frequently - I had been feeding on demand and he was feeding about every 2 hours - and that I needed to feed him every 3.5 - 4 hours. We had been working towards this and now I feed him every 3.5 hrs but he would be happier with 3 hourly feeds. Although he doesn't cry he does root, suck his fingers and have to be distracted with a dummy. He was having 6oz every 3.5hrs and finishing the bottle.

I got him weighed yesterday and the HV said he was eating far too much and I was risking him getting obese and having breathing difficulties. She said he must cut down to 5oz every 3.5 hours 'although he wouldn't like it' and be weighed weekly to monitor his progress.

Obviously I feel dreadful. It really upsets me to see him hungry and the constant clock watching and distracting him is getting me down. So AIBU to tell her to fuck off? Or AIBU to continue feeding him on demand and risk his health in the future?

I'd really appreciate any advice from people who have had similar experiences. Thanks.

OP posts:
AgentPineapple · 29/07/2016 15:25

Cross post, just seen your post OP. That's great news, hope the senior HV takes this up with your HV as if you hadn't taken it further this could have made your son ill. Sounds like your DS is going to be a very tall boy!!

SpaceDinosaur · 29/07/2016 15:26

I am so so pleased for you OP.

Mumofone1972 · 29/07/2016 15:27

Mine was a chunky monkey FF baby - he walked from 10.5 months and went for a weigh in at 11 months - HV advised serious concern as weight had dropped - left me panic stricken. Very sensible DM got the serious hump as I related my encounter and what a poor mother I must be to not have noticed "he's flipping walking" she exclaimed..

Don't get caught up in the books and the comparisons - get proper sensible perspective in there too!

RhodaBorrocks · 29/07/2016 15:27

Phew! Glad the senior HV is taking it seriously. I was wondering if that HV was on glue.

P.S. I'm late to the thread but I used to be an HV assistant. They are under a lot of pressure relief childhood obesity, but an HV is a trained nurse and you would think they could employ some logic! Some of the smartest in the team I worked for were the assistants, not the HVs!!!!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/07/2016 15:27

Oh good! Glad the senior HV was much more sensible and has taken everything you've said seriously enough to sort out the new HV and stop her stressing out other new mums!

Just to add - DS2 was born weighing around the 55th centile (I can't remember exactly Blush) and he had a TT, as did DS1. UNlike DS1 though, he fed very fast, lots of air which led to quite a bit of throwing up. I had anticipated his TT, and asked for it to be done while we were still in the hospital, but due to staff cock-ups, it wasn't, I had to be referred to the consultant paed (not in the UK) and the appt wasn't until Ds2 was 5w old.
When he was about 4w old, I managed to get into a clinic and get him weighed, thinking that he might not have put on that much because of all the throwing up - he had gone up to the 99th centile (EBF). And that was with throwing most of it up, it seemed!!

And yet still no one suggested I should cut back, or extend periods between feeds etc., because obviously it is a wrong thing to suggest!
I'm very glad that it has been stated by the senior HV as a "wrong thing" and that the HV will be trained more.

Keep up the good work on feeding your baby! Thanks

therootoftheroot · 29/07/2016 15:37

i have a 16 year ild son and was he was little he was HUGE! On the 99.6th centile and used to gain a pound a week. The health visitor used to suck her teeth and ask me what i was feeding him and found it hard to believe he was only having breast milk. asked if i was giving him chocolate ffs!

anyway we moved clinics. new clinic measured him and told me was on the 99.6th centile for HEIGHT and |weight! perfectly in proportion!
he is noiw 6' 6" and if you look at the centile charts he is still following the same curve!
he was always destined to be huge

Mingdog99 · 29/07/2016 15:40

Feed him! Honestly, go with what your instinct tells you. YOU are his mother. Good luck, don't be hard on yourself.

Katie0705 · 29/07/2016 15:47

I agree with maxxymoment, I am a children's nurse. Follow your instinct, you know your baby the best. Also, very new babies soon use up their fat supplies, particularly for growing and coping will illness; then your baby will have growth spurts later on, which can have a significant impact on weight and height, quite often making them the right weight or even under!

Preventing childhood obesity is a very real need, but I would never put a nine week baby on a diet unless there was a very clear clinical need that is supported by a paediatrician.

Enjoy your baby and seek advice from a different clinic, hopefully you will find a HV that you can relate to as well as giving you lots of support and sensible advice.

Good luck and best wishes💐

StillRabbit · 29/07/2016 15:50

That is great news OP! you really are doing every thing right....enjoy your perfect little boy xx

Yasmin1592 · 29/07/2016 15:51

Ignore her!
If he is only on milk he will only gain the weight he needs to.
I can understand if he was on solids and being fed cake and fry ups all day, but you can deny a new baby milk!

Yasmin1592 · 29/07/2016 15:53

I mean CANT deny a new baby milk

Gcalgske · 29/07/2016 16:06

So glad Grin

Liiinoo · 29/07/2016 16:17

Well done for having the confidence to follow your instincts and speak up.

Hausfrau29 · 29/07/2016 16:26

I went to the doctors for my 6 week check up and was told that I need to do some exercise as I'm obese (a size 14... And, oh yeah, I had a bloody baby 6 weeks ago?!) and that if my little girl continued to "pile on the pounds" I would need to restrict her food intake!! I resisted the temptation to tell the snooty Dr to fuck off and instead commented "Let's not make her end up with an eating disorder this young, yeah?" My little girl is 91st centile for both length and head circumference, but 75th for weight so in my eyes, that actually makes her slimmer than she should be! (She's not at all chubby, very slim and tall looking). And she was born large!

The first words out of the Drs mouth when I was going into her room when I commented how awkward it was carrying a baby in a car seat, was "How do you think I felt? I had twins." I felt like saying that I didn't give a fuck how she felt as it wasn't HER 6 week check up!

Some people obviously let the power go to their head and take it out on others when they're having a bad day. Those people can fuck right off.

pixiebell79 · 29/07/2016 16:47

Don't worry hon, my boy has been on the 91st percentile since birth (currently on the 98th at 2 years 4mths) and the HV has NEVER mentioned restricting his intake. So long as I was gradually reducing his milk once he started weaning there was no issue at all. Think she's got herself in a bit of a muddle, find a better HV... Hugs x

SharonfromEON · 29/07/2016 17:11

It is a shame it came to this to trust your instincts....

However outcome is great for everyone..
You now know your instincts are right.
HV will recieve appropriate training
Other parents with thriving babies won't be given such ridiculous advice

well Done Op

angstybaby · 29/07/2016 17:19

we're born with a perfect appetite: we eat when we're hungry and stop when we're not. don't mess with it.

BudsinMay · 29/07/2016 17:24

I certainly wouldn't restrict his feeds and I wouldn't even take him to be weighed personally. I used to weigh myself and then myself with the baby, to get an idea of how much my daughter was putting on. They are all different and for the few years at least, as long as they are eating healthily, you really shouldn't worry. My little ones were enormous, but they all even out in the end. :) x

Pythonesque · 29/07/2016 17:33

Haven't time to read past the first page, but please let someone else in the practice know what the HV has said to you. That kind of ignorant advice could be frankly dangerous in some situations and I think the GPs need to know (they may or may not be aware that they have "that kind" of HV ... some HVs are sadly a lot better than others!)

Thissideof40 · 29/07/2016 17:34

That's ridiculous!! My son was a right chunk. He was 9lb 11oz at birth though and was always hungry. He was in 3-6 month clothes at 7 weeks but by the time he was a toddler he grew into himself if that makes sense. He's now 7 years old and a skinny little thing and that's not because I put him on a diet.

Lickedthespoon · 29/07/2016 17:37

When my lb was born he was quite badly jaundice (delayed cord clamping can cause it to be worse apparently) and was feeding him around 2oz every 2 hours at a week old. I was told it should be 4oz every 4 hours and she really made me feel terrible - next visit i had i was told to ignore her and that especially babies that are jaundice should feed more often.
Not all health professionals are correct or helpful. Now I'm pregnant with number 2 i know to listen to my baby and do what he/she wants. No-one knows your baby better than you. Chunky babies are the best kind!! Don't let anybody make you feel rubbish - you clearly know whats best and sounds like you're doing a fab job Smile

Seaitsayit · 29/07/2016 17:50

I could have written your post. I had same with my son. The chubbiest fattest baby. Same crap at weight which I ignored and fed him what he required. He lost all the weight once over one. I also expressed and did some formula. At weigh ins they called him the Buddha but my SIL kids were also chuubsters so it was hereditary thing to some extent. Feed your baby and don't worry. Those HV and midwives have mad notions, unhelpful comments and are generally grumpy, underpaid oul ones. Don't punish yourself or your baby boy.

SparkleMotions · 29/07/2016 18:30

Glad you got a resolution to this OP, sounds like she was being very irresponsible giving you this advice, i dread to think what she's said to other parents. Surely someone should be supervising HV's in training to make sure what they are saying is correct and they aren't doing more harm than good by getting things wrong!

Brionius · 29/07/2016 19:01

God this makes me angry. Some really good advice and please please please report her to her supervisor this is dangerous practice.

Masketti · 29/07/2016 19:11

Find a HV whose opinion you respect and make sure you go to her weigh ins once a month. Both my assigned HVs have been wet/useless so I make sure I see H as she's totally on my wave length re theory and practice. She explains the theory to me so in your case what the senior HV did with the background context and then explains some practical ways to address the issue and I pick the one that suits me. Only weighing once a month will actually make you feel a whole lot better as you're looking at the big picture rather than the natural peaks and troughs. You'll know (I know you don't think you will but you will) whether your baby is feeding the amount that suits them. You're there day in day out and you know what makes them happy. The weight thing isn't really an issue till 2 and even then there's still ages till the National Child Measurement Programme in Reception.