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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HV has put my 9 week old son on a diet

328 replies

OneForTheRoadThen · 28/07/2016 20:24

I have a beautiful 9 week old son. He was born at 36+6 and spent the night in SCBU with an infection but after 4 days in hospital he recovered really well. He also had a tongue tie that was snipped at 11 days. However he has never ever latched on so therefore I feed him by expressing as much as I can (usually about 10 oz a day) and feeding him formula for the other feeds.

He weighed 7lb 9 at birth and has put on almost 1lb each week since then so he now weighs 14lb. He is on the 75th centile and quite chubby (but gorgeous).

I have been taking him to be weighed every week at the HV's request and she has often commented on how much weight he has put on. A couple of weeks ago she told him I was feeding him too frequently - I had been feeding on demand and he was feeding about every 2 hours - and that I needed to feed him every 3.5 - 4 hours. We had been working towards this and now I feed him every 3.5 hrs but he would be happier with 3 hourly feeds. Although he doesn't cry he does root, suck his fingers and have to be distracted with a dummy. He was having 6oz every 3.5hrs and finishing the bottle.

I got him weighed yesterday and the HV said he was eating far too much and I was risking him getting obese and having breathing difficulties. She said he must cut down to 5oz every 3.5 hours 'although he wouldn't like it' and be weighed weekly to monitor his progress.

Obviously I feel dreadful. It really upsets me to see him hungry and the constant clock watching and distracting him is getting me down. So AIBU to tell her to fuck off? Or AIBU to continue feeding him on demand and risk his health in the future?

I'd really appreciate any advice from people who have had similar experiences. Thanks.

OP posts:
LaPampa · 29/07/2016 14:08

My 3 month old is a big baby and always seems hungry (he's 99th centile). As other's have said, I think that some HV do have strange ideas and I would be inclined to seek another opinion before I did something so drastic as deliberately reducing food for a young baby.

I'd also stop taking him to be weighed. No-one can force you to & you can ask the GP to do it when you take him for injections if you want to know for your own peace of mind.

TrivialPursuit · 29/07/2016 14:08

I'd ignore her and possibly make a complaint. Leaving a baby hungry will make it fretful. It's ridiculous. Do what your instinct tells you and ask for another health visitor.

Gcalgske · 29/07/2016 14:13

Huge hugs, I remember the stress, my DD was born on the 75th% and maintained despite reflux CMPA and I had a couple of health visitors make comments. Really its nonsense. Tell them you are doing it to get them off your back but don't. Complain to their boss if you feel you can.

xholsx · 29/07/2016 14:17

What height on the chart is your baby? My daughter is 11weeks now. At 9 weeks she weighted 12.4. My health visitor said her weight was 74 on the chart and that she had a lot of weight to put on yet! My baby is a chunky monkey! She has 5oz every 2-3 hours! I'd tell her my baby is hungry if he wants feeding im feeding him! Go to the doctors see what they say. Babies are meant to be chubby they grow out of it when they start walking. My son is 3 and a half he weights 3 1/2 stone he's not fat he's built. It's rubbish!

Hepburn14 · 29/07/2016 14:21

I took all the advice of HVs with a pinch of salt - I used to get conflicting advice with my DD every time I saw a different one. This HV sounds crazy - 75th centile isn't exactly monstrous. Dread to think what she advises the parents of the top 25% to do...

Ghodavies · 29/07/2016 14:21

Seriously?? Ditch the health visitor!!
Speak to a gp - I've never heard of over feeding a baby!!

Hepburn14 · 29/07/2016 14:23

And by the way - well done you for having such a healthy, growing baby!

kensausage13 · 29/07/2016 14:26

Absolute nonsense...id have told where shove her opinion. To restrict a 9 week olds milk intake is the craziest thing ive ever heard. Go your own way OP..

Sunshineonacloudyday · 29/07/2016 14:31

After I had my 4th baby the community midwife asked me how I was going to feed him I told them ebf she gave me a funny look./-

Happyhippy45 · 29/07/2016 14:33

Sounds like very odd advice. I had the opposite with my son, not so much when he was a baby but when he was a toddler all through school age I was told he needed to put on weight. His percentile for weight and height were never any higher than 25th and have mostly matched.
One dr I could have hugged when she told me he's perfectly healthy. His weight and height match up. He eats enough. Stop worrying. Everybody's bodies are unique.

Lovemylittlebears · 29/07/2016 14:34

Tell her to nob off

Aprilp2016 · 29/07/2016 14:36

My son was 5.10 born he piled on weight. He didnt stop eating. The advise niw given though by midwifes and health visitors well supose to be. Is feed bottle fed babies on demand. The first thing they said to me with my son is do you know bottle fed babies are fed on demand now. Give it them when they want and how much they want. Soemtimes my son only drank half of his bottle sometimes he drank the whole lot. Dont restrict your baby's feeding. Your health visitor needs reporting makes me angry

NeedANewTattoo · 29/07/2016 14:36

Ridiculous. Get a second opinion.
My sister who's 5ft 11" and her 6ft 4" boyfriend were told their son was 'too tall' by a health visitor because he didn't fit on the chart! My sister was disgusted and didn't see another HV after that or with her 2nd son.

JeanGenie23 · 29/07/2016 14:37

I'm afraid I would nod politely and go elsewhere.

A 9 week old on a milk diet?!?! Shock Hmm Nonsense. I think you have done remarkably well and neither you nor your child should be punished.

You will find as they move around more they loose that 'roundness'

Enjoy your babe x

VioletVaccine · 29/07/2016 14:38

I haven't RTFT but if someone hasn't said it, maybe it would be worth letting the practice know that they have a HV recommending a 9week old baby, technically 6 weeks given the premature birth date, be put on a diet.
She may also be the HV of very inexperienced or vulnerable new Mothers, who will follow advice given to them by professionals to the letter.
I genuinely cannot believe this, a newborn baby does not need a diet ffs! Angry

mummysooz · 29/07/2016 14:46

Seriousy ignore her - I have breast fed 4 babies - the first of whom tripled his weight by 6 months and is now a slim and strapping 6 footer. Congratulations on managing to breastfeed even with tongue-tie. The woman sounds bloody neurotic and really negative to me. Go by your instincts I say.

teacherwith2kids · 29/07/2016 14:49

As the parent of a 50th centile baby, 98th centile toddler and now teen on around the 10-15th centile of BMI (but 6'3") - all the same child, at different stages - I'd say ignore.

MotherOfDragonsNotBoys · 29/07/2016 14:49

This is the saddest thing Iv ever heard.
Both my boys did not take to their milk, every feed was incredibly stressful, trying to get as much as I could into them every few hours. DS1 was 8.13lbs at birth and DS2 was 9.3lbs. Both however, weaned amazingly, loved solid food and are healthy 4yr old and 6 month olds.

Give the poor mite what he wants, when he wants and take him somewhere else to be weighed. I would also have made a GP appointment to get some actual real medical advice if that's what she's coming out with! Whoever heard of an obese baby!? Utterly disgraceful! Angry

Charliechuck94 · 29/07/2016 14:58

She is crazy. You feed him what you think is best!!! Cake

StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 29/07/2016 14:58

Op - I'd like to comment on pushing the feeds up to 3.5 hours. Don't do it....
My dd was every 2.5 hours. I was advised it should be minimum every 3.5 ideally 4. That 1.5 hour delay was hideous, and as soon as I'd feed her she was satisfied then 2.5 hours later....
Even now she has to eat regularly - probably every 2 hours. She simply has a fast metabolism.
So please, just feed your baby when hungry.

I'm sure the HV is trying to be well meaning Confused but as nearly everyone on the thread has commented, their advice is frequently wrong, hurtful and potentially dangerous. Don't be fooled into thinking that as they're professionals they know what they're doing....

Original poster
OneForTheRoadThen · 29/07/2016 15:05

UPDATE!

Thanks everyone for your replies Smile. The senior HV had a cancellation so she has just popped around and we had a long chat and I feel so much happier now. I'll write out what she said in case anyone is in a similar situation.

Basically the HV I saw was fairly new and had given me wrong advice. She actually said the advice was 'wrong' and 'bad'. She said that it probably came about because as a profession they were always being pressured by the government etc about childhood obesity but that the HV I saw had taken this much too seriously and applied it wrongly in practice.

She said that babies should always be fed responsively, even if they wanted to eat every hour. She said to carry on feeding my son as I had been and to stop trying to make him last 3.5 hours for a feed. As long as I was listening to and responding to his hunger cues and to when he was full up then she was happy.

She also said that the centiles came about originally to identify babies who were 'failing to thrive', not for 'thriving' and the HV had placed too much emphasis on them. Even if my son had jumped from the 1st to the 99th centile she wouldn't advise reducing his feeds, she would just keep a closer eye on things. As it happens he has gone up to the 75th centile for weight but he also has gone up in height too and is on the 75th for both. She also said they had adjusted him for being premature for only some of the measurements so it looked like he had jumped up to the 98th centile when he hadn't.

She also said not to get too caught up on measuring how much formula he is drinking as the HV was using an outdated calculation that was only really useful for babies who aren't putting on enough weight as part of a medically managed plan. There is no ideal level or pattern of weight gain. it all has to be looked at as part of a bigger picture.

Anyway the upshot is that the HV is having further training. She had actually written everything she said in my red book so it was there for all to see. The senior HV said she would have to take it higher owing to this. I'm happy with this and I'm not going to make an official complaint as I really don't think she meant it maliciously and it looks like the matter is in hand.

Thanks to everyone who replied. You all instinctively knew all this anyway but I have always been quite fearful of trusting my own instincts and it really helped to hear so many similar experiences and to have so much support. Flowers

OP posts:
Oblomov16 · 29/07/2016 15:17

So pleased you are reassured and that senior HV is taking it further. Good.

AgentPineapple · 29/07/2016 15:22

That is absolutely crazy, you can't over feed a baby at that age! Get another HV, and feed your baby when he wants to be fed

DerelictMyBalls · 29/07/2016 15:25

This is a great outcome.

Keep up the good work, OP: you sound like you are doing a brilliant job.

Jaxmumof1 · 29/07/2016 15:25

I found that i had to take what the HV said with a pinch of salt. I saw a different one every time. One said i was feeding my daughter too much, another said if she is finishing her bottle then she is still hungry and to give her more.

Any parent withholding food from their baby would be accused of neglect but because a baby is a little bit heavier a HV thinks it's acceptable?

I'd tell her to shove her shocking advice where the sun doesn't shine and do what you feel is right as his mother.