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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby left in car

329 replies

MooPointCowsOpinion · 28/07/2016 12:19

On my way back to our car, My husband noticed a baby in the car parked next to ours. Alone, two front windows were slightly open, he looked about 12 months. We fretted a bit, stayed sat next to him waiting for 10 minutes and no-one came. So I called the police on 101, and they immediately put me through to 999.

The woman arrived back at her car a minute before the police did. I told her I'd called the police, and she couldn't leave her baby like that. She cried and said she was having a shit day and needed to get the item she' bought (big and bulky box, maybe a buggy?) to the car. I hugged her, cried with her, and said I understood but she still can't do that, and then directed the police to her and left.

Was I being a busy body? AIBU to think it's illegal to do that?

OP posts:
Xocaraic · 28/07/2016 18:30

You did the right thing OP.
This is not about heat in cars. This is about a child, an infant, being left alone in a car with no adult supervision.
All sorts of accidents happen, no matter how careful you are or how many precautions you take.
It's about the big bad world outside of your own bubble that you have to worry about.
Would you leave your purse in the back seat of the car, while you run an errand. Nope. Well then, why leave a child.
I understand the Mum was having a shitty day...but honestly, she knew she had done the wrong thing when she started to make an excuse.
Don't beat yourself up about it. You made a judgement call and the child is safe. That is the mist important thing.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 28/07/2016 18:31

Op yanbu, the police's reaction should tell you that. I also think it is lovely that you were so kind to the mum when she did return. I bet that made a huge difference. Flowers to you and also Flowers to madeinlondon a few pages upthread, that sounds like a nightmare situation and I hope you and your dc are more sorted now (been there and done that twice over a lifetime with dc and tempo accom and not fun in any way shape or form). x

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 28/07/2016 18:33

Should read dc and temp accom are not fun..

FreedomIsInPeril · 28/07/2016 18:39

You got it, Oblomov. No idea why everyone else is struggling so, its not exactly difficult!

Aeroflotgirl · 28/07/2016 18:45

Freedom she waited for 10 mins which is enough time for a baby to overheat in a stuffy and hot care. Temperatures in the car can be very high. Sorry how many times have people been warned never to leave children and pets in cars! Even in the UK, on a hot day, the temperatures in a car can increase.

Oblomov16 · 28/07/2016 18:46

Good.
It's when someone says : I did this.
And people start saying: oh don't do that, this might happen, people die from that all the time.
Then someone objects. Not to the original act, but to the insinuation that it's so risky it's going to kill you.

Oblomov16 · 28/07/2016 18:50

Op said that the child was about a year old. And that the 2 front windows were partly open. And this was today? So hot, but not as hot as Tuesday and Wednesday last week where temperatures were scorchingly boiling. I wonder if the child was asleep the whole time?

Gottagetmoving · 28/07/2016 18:55

As recent events have shown, people are fed up with experts

Oh well, that changes everything... FFS! Hmm

Canyouforgiveher · 28/07/2016 18:57

Well ok, there is probably little real risk of harm to a child left for 10-15 minutes in a car. Any longer than that and there is a risk of discomfort right up to heatstroke and death if you leave the baby for long enough in warm weather.

But since the average passerby won't know how long the baby has been left alone or how hot it is in the car, at the very least you risk someone calling the police because they see an unattended baby in the car. And that person calling the police is reasonable.

PersianCatLady · 28/07/2016 19:00

there is no proof either of those children were "stolen" at all.
I was going to say that especially about Madeline McCann but didn't think that it would go down too well.

chocdonutyy · 28/07/2016 19:01

Ok so it's only 10 minutes or less, you've weighed up the risks and decide to leave your baby in the car.
How can you guarantee you'll be 10 minutes?
If something should happen to you illness, injury or anything that means you cannot get back to your car - or worse you cannot let people know your baby is there, then what?

Gottagetmoving · 28/07/2016 19:04

Many people, on their jobs, do risk assume that. And whilst no one is recommending anyone to leave a child in a hot car, he have to acknowledge what th risks actually are, and not get hysterical about the actual possible affects on said child

Being concerned is not being hysterical. That's an exaggeration. It's more normal to be concerned about a child in this situation than start thinking of risk assessments and bloody statistics

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 28/07/2016 19:04

I wouldn't be too worried about the child being abducted but I would be concerned that they could die in a hot car. I parked up at a local shop last wend and there were two young children in the car next to mine, all the windows were fully up. I was horrified as it was a seriously hot day, I left dd to keep an eye on them (10yo) and went in to find the mother, she was already on her way back to the car and I wimped out of saying anything Blush

Op you did the right thing.

Maryann1975 · 28/07/2016 19:09

101, who are presumably trained to decide if it is a real emergency decided that yes it was bad enough to warrant sending a police car out to the situation. I think that says it all.

If 101 had said, do you know what, people do this all the time and we aren't really bothered, we could all assume it was ok. But they didn't. They sent a car. We shouldn't be leaving babies in cars on car parks. You did the right thing op.

FreedomIsInPeril · 28/07/2016 19:12

t's more normal to be concerned about a child in this situation than start thinking of risk assessments and bloody statistics

Yeah, them goddam facts, get in the way of everything, don't they?

Thissideof40 · 28/07/2016 19:16

I would have done the same thing.

coolaschmoola · 28/07/2016 19:19

It was 20° here today.

If the external temperature is 18° the internal temperature in a stationary car can reach 34° in twenty minutes.

The op waited ten minutes before ringing the Police, who then took time to come, and the mother had already left before the op arrived. No matter what various people have said that temperature IS dangerous for a baby. I'm in the north and it was hotter here, so the temperature in a car here would have been even hotter.

FWIW it's worth a stationary car in 18° heat can reach 50° in an hour.

These figures are shocking. People don't realise the temperature difference between inside and out. No matter how small the risk is perceived to be the fact remains that in a relatively short amount of time, at a relatively low outside temperature, such as today, the inside of a vehicle can rapidly reach dangerous temperatures.

Freedom - when you were assessing risk did you just base your assessment on external temperature or did you actually consider the internal temperature? At today's temperature that baby WAS at risk of harm. Bear in mind it was at LEAST 10 mind plus Police response time, anothervten minutes and the likelihood of the baby being harmed would have increased drastically.

flowerandrandd · 28/07/2016 19:19

This happened to me a few weeks back, the child was older, so distraught it made me stomach hurt.. There was a tiny gap left on the window, he had his hands through crying and sobbing.. The temp inside my car was 23 degrees.. I got the shops in the retail park to put an announcement over the tannoy while my sister waited with him.. Went back to car and stroked his fingers through the tiny gap, before asking him to open the car door which he did and I sat with him calming him down. His mom arrived 15 mins later and I went hammer and tongs at her.. I'm not a confrontational person but I lost control it at her for what she did to her son. He was 3 apparently as she'd asked him if he wanted to come into the shop and he had said no.. I said 3 is no age to allow him to make that decision.. Plus I could quite easily of been a child stealer and took him. She cried.. I walked away kicking myself for not calling the police!

harverina · 28/07/2016 19:20

You did the right thing.

You didn't know she would be back.

You didn't know how long the baby had already been there.

You don't know the circumstances - ie if it's a caring loving family or not.

A passer by couldn't possibly know all of these things. 10 minutes passed, not just a couple. It was a responsible thing to do and the mum will have to deal with the consequences - which may be a shame for her but ultimately the needs of the baby need to come first.

Yasmin1592 · 28/07/2016 19:20

You did nothing wrong, you did wait 10 minutes as well before calling the police.
I'm sorry but how every bad your day is ( and trust me I know I'm a single parent to 3 kids with autism) I would never dream of leaving a child in a car.
If she was buying a bulky item, she could have carried her child to a trolly, sat him in there, and asked staff to carry the box to the car like anyone else would have done.
I'm sure it wouldn't have been the last time if you hadn't called the police.

Zaurak · 28/07/2016 19:21

Risk isn't just about the likelihood of something happening. It's also about the severity of the outcome if it does. So yes, it may be vanishingly rare that someone would break into your car and take it, with child onboard, but it has happened. The kid was left on someone's doorstep. What if a dog had found it and bitten it? Or it'd got bad sunburn, or just been incredibly afraid?

We have campaigns about 'dogs die in hot cars' and yet people are still leaving their kids in while they go shopping? That's so irresponsible. A child left alone in a car could wake and be terrified (my son would be) or much worse - choking, overheating... Etc.

And even in the uk it gets hot enough to kill. I know it's a total pain to wake a sleeping baby, bundle them into a buggy and take them with you, but you don't leave tiny ones in cars. Ever.

Oblomov16 · 28/07/2016 19:30

Gottage, I wasn't referring to the Op with the refence to hysterical.
She was concerned. Fine, rightly so.
I was referring to some posters comments later on, talking about how many babies had died. When asked to reference that, there was limited examples. Then it turned into saying .... They could die. It was all getting a bit dramatic and not based on facts and figures.

Even then I never referred to any particular poster as being hysterical.
I said that we need to make sure it doesn't get hysterical. That's all.

Canyouforgiveher · 28/07/2016 19:31

Yeah, them goddam facts, get in the way of everything, don't they?

What facts? the fact that it is probably safe to leave a child for 10 minutes in a car even if it is warm but after that it gets increasingly uncomfortable for the baby and eventually highly dangerous?

So, again, what would you have done, Freedom? Would you have walked on by and left the baby there in the car, not knowing what the temperature in the car was or how long the baby had been there?

Surely if you are making a "risk assessment" about leaving your baby unattended in a car on a warm day, you will have to factor in the likelihood that other people won't know it is just for 10 minutes and will react accordingly.

elh1605 · 28/07/2016 19:32

poster FreedomIsInPeril
Yes the baby was fine, on this occasion but may not be next time and yes her shit day got sitter by the police being involved but who cares she left a baby unattended in the car in a public car park whilst she went shopping for a minimum of 10-15mind who knows how much longer he'd been there-there's no excuse for that. It may of been a bulky item but you either don't get it or you ask the shop for help carrying it to the car whilst you carry your baby. Op has nothing to feel guilty about she did the right thing

FreedomIsInPeril · 28/07/2016 19:33

but you don't leave tiny ones in cars. Ever

YOU might not. Others might do. And in some circumstances thats a bad idea, in others not so much. Sometimes its the best idea. Which was my point, depends on the actual situation, not on hysterical overblown ideas.