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Original poster

would you believe ds (5) or the childminder? childminer took ds and the children elsewhere

1004 replies

user1469643462 · 27/07/2016 19:31

It is the summer holidays so ds has to be with a childminer, for 3 days a week. I pay her for the actual care she provides, then i pay for any visits to places on top of that, they were supposed to be going to the zoo today and i had paid £21 for ds's zoo ticket and i know that isnt loads but tbh with the cost i had already paid for her to look after him it was almost today's wages! ds goes there with 2 boys and a little girl aswell all around the same age give or take. Ds got home and was telling me all about his trip to the local museum (which was free) i did not have a problem with that he seemed to have had a great time. I phoned up the childminder and asked if she could just paypal the money back over and she said that she had no idea what i was going on about and that she took them to the zoo Hmm I know children do love to use their imagination, so i was a bit undecided, ds kept going on about the objects he had seen and told me a story about a man showing them the kids bit. ds has never been to this museum and it was just odd how well he was explaining it. I would love to phone the other parents but tbh i dont actually know them! it's all very odd...

OP posts:
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BastardGoDarkly · 27/07/2016 21:40

When he said museum, didn't you say..oh!? I thought you went to the zoo?

HopefulHamster · 27/07/2016 21:43

I would believe him, but wonder if he was confused - ie thought that part of the zoo was a museum. My son is generally very truthful (and just turned six) but does get confused with times and what he did when.

fastdaytears · 27/07/2016 21:47

Yes I was thinking the bathroom thing might be true too Sad

Xmasbaby11 · 27/07/2016 21:49

Dd is 4.5 and absolutely unreliable as a narrator. When I pick her up from nursery she tells me about food she has not eaten and children she's played with who were not there that day. She also mixes up exciting events, weather etc. At the end of a rainy fortnight away she talked about the sun shining every day. She also talks about tv programme events as if they are real!

It depends on your child really! It's a massive gamble for the cm to make it up. If nothing else suspicious occurred I'd probably write it off but I wouldn't agree to paying for future expensive trips.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/07/2016 21:56

Hmmm.. Best case (and most likely) scenario is that the zoo had a museum type part and that is the part that made the biggest impression on your ds. Worst case scenario is that yes she is scamming you and in that instance you would obviously need a new cm and probably to make a report to ofsted.
But either way do keep believing your ds (being confused is a huge difference to lying). I truly believe one of the best things we can do for our kids is to believe what they say, however improbable. Too many abusers get away with stuff because they tell kids "don't tell anyone as they won't believe you". I'm not suggesting for a moment that your cm is an abuser, but it's the message that your ds takes away that could one day make a difference.
Please let us all know the outcome OP.

NuzzleandScratch · 27/07/2016 22:00

Next time you take ds to the childminder, could you (fake excitedly), ask one of the other children, "so, how was the zoo the other day?!!"

rollonthesummer · 27/07/2016 22:02

Do you know any of the other parents to ask?

CherryAmes · 27/07/2016 22:02

I would have believed your son, right up until my 6 year old brought her school work home. There were pictures of her telling the class about her pet - we haven't got any! There was also a detailed description of a museum trip we'd been on. And nope we haven't been there either Blush.

Lweji · 27/07/2016 22:04

I'd let this go, but if you're going to pay for any more tickets for extra activities, next time ask for proof of payment, then refund. The actual tickets or receipts.
It's only fair and she should provide regardless anyway.

MarmiteMakesMeHappy · 27/07/2016 22:05

Did you ask your DS outright if he has been to the zoo?

If he says that he didn't go, I would tell your CM outright that DS is insisting he didn't go to the zoo and does she have a ticket or photo so that you can get to the bottom of it and maybe talk to him about the importance of telling the truth (or some such bollocks).

GC79 · 27/07/2016 22:07

.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/07/2016 22:08

Yes very odd indeed. I think I believe your son.

calamityjam · 27/07/2016 22:09

Sorry but I couldn't let this go. If she has lied, she has stolen money from op. Could any of you really allow a possible theif to be in charge of your dc?If she is capable of bare faced lies and theft, what else is she capable of? I am a mum of 5 and a child care professional and so have lots of experience of 5 year olds and the vast majority of them know the difference between a zoo and a museum and they would almost certainly be wanting to tell you about which animal they liked the best.

Viewofthegarden · 27/07/2016 22:14

OP, you say your DS told you about a trip to "the local museum". Did he say anything to indicate specifically which museum he was talking about, or could he have been talking about a museum attached to the zoo?

A few years ago we went to Chester Zoo with some friends and their pre-school DS. Their DS was obsessed with a little train type thing that traveled around the grounds. If he had been asked to describe his day, I can well imagine that he might have given a description all about trains that didn't mention animals.

Can you look up the zoo's website to see whether it has a section he might be talking about? If it has a picture, you could show him and ask whether that's where he went.

Sheezus · 27/07/2016 22:15

I'd give the benefit of the doubt to the CM.
I have 5 year olds.
I've been told about a day they were at the beach, it was a river walk. I knew they were miles away from any beach so it took quite a lot of probing and puzzlement.
One keeps confusing hotels and churches.
As in telling a story to relatives who assumed we had stayed at a castle or something recently as it was so detailed and all the people in the restaurant for dinner. We were at Mass in the morning and happened to be meeting people for a meal that evening.

I'm not saying DC is lying, just that sometimes a guide might explain something at a zoo, have skeletons or things or skins to reference? I don't know but I hope you find out.

Blu · 27/07/2016 22:16

Ds, at 5, gave me a highly evocative description of a church they had visited, complete with the slant of the sun through the windows and 'the cold smell of the stone'.

They had been in no such trip.

I would ask questions about the zoo.

And ask for receipts in future.

Had they been to the museum on another day?

Original poster
user1469643462 · 27/07/2016 22:17

well, he describes this tin hat, which is why I assumed it was our local museum (I remember the tin hat) and then he described some coins. Maybe it was in the zoo, but there is nothing of the like on their website (chester zoo) and no, she never takes pics, unless there is something really special... I didn't realise most did. This was one of the bigger trips, they have gone to the park for picnic, have been to a splash park thing and we didn't pay for those, but I paid for the fair, I just thought that was normal too. It's sounding worse the more I hear! Yeah, I asked ds which animal was his favourite and he said that he couldn't remember any animals, this was the first thing btw, so I thought that was odd anyway, but I just thought that was him being forgetful, but then when he went on to describe the museum I though hang on a minute... When I picked him up, she said they had a lovely day, etc. etc. I didn't even fill the need to ask questions

OP posts:
Original poster
user1469643462 · 27/07/2016 22:18

x post with a few people

OP posts:
BrandNewAndImproved · 27/07/2016 22:18

I've just thought of the time my Ds told his teacher (when he was in yr 2) that I sent him to the chip shop while me and dd sat on the sofa. He described in great detail the walk, what he had to eat, how he crossed the road and how much money I had given him. The school wasn't about to inform ss but they spoke to me and dd separately and realised he was making it up.

Kids do have amazing imaginations.

BrandNewAndImproved · 27/07/2016 22:18

The school was about sorry not wasn't.

Passthecake30 · 27/07/2016 22:20

Was it a museum of natural history (there's one in tring)...so animals like a zoo but like a museum so they're all dead?! Clutching at straws....

Mycraneisfixed · 27/07/2016 22:21

OP please let us know where he went once you find out from other parentsSmile

KoalaDownUnder · 27/07/2016 22:22

Can you ask him out of the blue - just say something like, 'So, what did you like best at the zoo?'

See if he is genuinely confused and says he's never been to a zoo, etc.

AtSea1979 · 27/07/2016 22:24

Longleat has a stately home, a bit like a museum I suppose to a kid. Could it be that?

UnfitMotherr · 27/07/2016 22:25

Eek to Chester zoo many times...no tin hats!

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