To be struggling with gender disappointment

[Apachepony]

Well, I know I am but I guess this is an anonymous forum for speaking emotions that are leaving me feeling very guilty about my newborn son. I posted here under a different name when I found out on my scan it would be my second son but I thought it would go on birth. He came a month early, but did really well, was v healthy for being premature and I was delighted with him. I rationalised the odds of getting an elder boy, younger girl (what my ideal would have been)were not that high and I was delighted with what I had. However my two good friends were due at the same time and they both now have had girls. They both have older boys. Now I seem to be fixated on this, kind of wishing that I had a girl and feeling guilty that I am pretty much wishing my son was a different baby. It's even affecting how I feel about my older boy who is a very boisterous 3 year old. I'm wondering how I will cope with 2 of those. I'm feeling bad that none of my friends have boys close to my second sons age. This is really affecting my newborn buzz and I do t know how to shake it. It's so ridiculous when he's healthy so far.

[FallenStar3]

Fragile? Op said she doesn't think it's PND but sometimes we need someone to speak honestly to realise we are being unreasonable

[DerelictMyBalls]

I think you sound depressed, OP, and I hope you get the help you need

[IPityThePontipines]

But it's very clear what the thread is about, so that people who would be upset by it, can avoid it.

Gender disappointment is controversial as indeed is feeling anything but cock-a-hoop after having a baby. So the OP has clearly labelled her thread, so that people who want to avoid it, can.

As for it being in AIBU, sadly people post in there for traffic, otherwise their posts get ignored. It doesn't change that people telling the OP to snap out of it, isn't likely to be much help.

[fusionconfusion]

Unfortunately when someone is struggling to feel love and bonding with a baby, knowing other women have these feelings even in difficult situations with babies who are very unwell doesn't work to reset things.

It usually just makes it worse e.g. why can't I feel better? why can't I just get over myself? I must be a terrible person, there's something deeply wrong with me e.tc. Otherwise known as depression.

Apache, you do sound depressed. Quite depressed. Low emotion, poor self worth, feeling tired and unethusiastic, ruminating about something you can't change e.g. in this case gender. Those are all classic indicators of PND.

[Bravada]

Second and third and fourthing about PND. I've been there. Please don't wait as long as I did to get help.

[missymayhemsmum]

I found that with each of my children, I had to go through a kind of letting go of the other imagined child, if you see what I mean. I love the children I have, (girl, boy, girl) but there was an imagined boy, girl, boy I might have had.