Tackle friend about an affair or leave well alone?

[Whatissheplayingat1]

My very close friend is having an affair, she told me one month ago. She is married with children, the guy she is having the affair with is also married, with children, including a very young baby.
I hardly recognise her since she confided this secret to me, she's nasty and scathing about her husband, she has left Her chikdren with her husband for 2 weekends to be with this guy, lying to him about it being work related.
She's like a teenager, she's giddy, showing me pictures of him, laughing about sneaking around.
The thing I'm struggling with the most is she simply doesn't care who she's hurting, she's not bothered. There is no shame or sorrow or hint of regret.
She's gone from a doting caring wife and mother to behaving quite frankly like a slut.
I'm not sure how many more conversations I can have with her about this guy before I snap and tell her what I think of the way she's behaving. So far, it's only the fact that we are so close that I havent. She knows I dont 'approve' but ignores that.
She needs to wake up and stop what she's doing but if i have it out with her I don't see it ending well.....

Knock... has anybody said that what OP's friend is doing is a good thing? No, they haven't so no need for a redundant instruction from anybody. Affairs are wrong, we can just concede that.

Don't call women these names, Pirate.

FFS. Tar and feather her, why don't you?

Infidelity is not going to stop. Ever.

Just tell her you don't want to know anything about it because the whole thing sickens you and make you very disappointed in her. Tell her you can't see her husband socially because that makes you involved in the deception. Don't tell him, that furthers your involvement and she might come to her senses before he finds out. Maybe stop seeing her if it makes you feel better. Tell her if she involves others in her secret the chances of someone telling one of the spouses are high.

I was in this position once. I really felt bad for her husband. She ended up divorcing and marrying the other guy, but her first husband never found out. She told him it was because he didn't want more kids and she wanted children. But she never got pregnant with the new guy, though did become very close to some of her step kids. I'm glad I stayed friends with her, glad I didn't feel compelled to moralize to her face, and I don't think her ex husband would have gained anything by knowing about the affair. It was hard at the time but basically it wasn't my business. I never really liked her new husband and think her first one was a better guy. She is still married to the 2nd one but they don't see each other often and live in different countries. He kind of brainwashed her for a time but it wore off eventually. I think I was the only other person that knew and if I had withdrawn my friendship she would have been very alone.

Of the two scenarios, I would say that adultery has the lesser impact on children - they don't see it.

This!

"Of the two scenarios, I would say that adultery has the lesser impact on children - they don't see it."
Just because they don't see the actual shagging, doesn't mean it's invisible to them. The adulterer will be lying to partner and children (about where they are, who they're with, who X is to them etc.) and when the lies are exposed, they will lose trust in that parent.

And of course there could be an atmosphere (of suspicion, anger etc.) in the household due to the infidelity that they will pick up on, even if they don't know what's causing it all.

Don't kid yourself that children aren't affected at all.

Infidelity is not going to stop. Ever.

Sure, lots of bad things won't ever stop because humans are deeply flawed. It doesn't mean we have to accept them.

If you want to keep her as a friend ( and from reading your posts I can't see why you would) then maybe tell her to keep the sordid detail to herself but say nothing at all to anyone.

I would normally fall into this camp but if it really is as one sided as you say then I'd have a quiet word with the husband - obviously not expecting to remain in good terms with either of them afterwards.

To the poster who's done nothing for 15 years and expects the oh to understand. Shame on you!

My 'd'm is having an affair she has gone the exact same way as your friend op. I told his wife, she had a child they struggled through years of IVF to have. I was put in the position to lie and "cover" for them. Never in my life would I agree. I sent her a letter. He lied his way out of it and said it was over and she believed him. He's used every excuse in the book from factitious dv to being held hostage. 3 years later we're all still waiting for him to leave his wife and I have nothing to do with either of them.

Do not sit there and watch this man go through this knowing full well you know what is causing the misery he's going through with her digs and weekends away let alone her children.

I would dump her.

My friendships are conditional on the other person not being a twat.

Do her husband a solid and tell him. They will hate you but if you aren't friends it doesn't matter.

I agreed with you... Until you called her a 'slut'.