about the postman and my daughter's beautiful hair.

[Rosae]

My 13 month old daughter has (what I consider to be) beautiful ginger hair. Very ginger.
While signing for a parcel today the royal mail postman commented to me ' she is quite the ginge isn't she? You'll wanna be getting some hair dye for that soon' with a little snigger after it. I'm not very good or fast with comebacks so just looked at him I shock then went back in.
AIBU that this comment made me upset and worried about the future for her? My hubby has strawberry blonde hair and got badly teased and bullied for it at school.
Friends sometimes make jokes about it but in a more lovingly teasing way that I brush off in general and say 'yes she's gorgeous isn't she? ' Should I be stopping it?

Don't be worried for her future, we redhead soon learn how to deal with petty put downs. Plus 'worrying about her future' implies that there is some justification or real stigma involved which is claptrap. Men love a redhead, many women secretly wish they were so eye catching, nothing to fear.

I'm sorry about the post man, maybe he didn't say in a bad way but he was so rude for saying it. I still don't get how we living in 2016 still have people saying completely stupid things about red hair, skin colours, heigh and weight, it looks like some people would love to have everyone on the planet looking exactly the same and it would so boring if everyone was the same. I love red hair, I think they are really nice and would love to have it myself, but also love my black hair

"This is why we live in a world where people think they can say and do as they please."

Yes, we do. It's called Freedom. And as long as it does no serious harm, we should tolerate it. Certainly not try to lose someone his job over a cheeky remark.

That was very unprofessional. Who does this man think he is? I'd report him to Royal Mail ASAP. He can think it if he wants but to say such a thing while on the job is unforgivable even if it was meant in jest.

Besides, little red head girls are gorgeous and cute (and frankly so are little boys). When I was a child, I longed to have ginger hair because I thought it was beautiful.

You see this man again, you ask him what makes him the authority and make makes him think it is okay to suggest that her daughter should be ashamed of how she looks - tell him he is a pig and that you hope he doesn't have daughters who have to suffer his belief that a woman or girl must desperately bleach or seek to change her appearence to make shallow pricks like him happy.

Don't let it get to you - ignorance/stupidity is acutely hard to legislate against! Allowing his words to have any impact on you is like allowing someone to live rent free in your head. Redheads are great - but for some reason they are the last "colour" that people are seemingly allowed/feel free to tease, but it to will end.

I'm sure it was meant in jest, but he is clearly stupid to not recognise he was insulting your child.
Keep praising your daughter and her beautiful hair and this will provide her with the confidence and armour to move through life, and to rebuff ignorance if she comes up against it.

Yes, we do. It's called Freedom. And as long as it does no serious harm, we should tolerate it. Certainly not try to lose someone his job over a cheeky remark.

Bollocks. Why should rude and offensive remarks be tolerated? If a comment had been made about skin colour should that just be accepted?

I'm a redhead. I think it's harder for a boy growing up with red hair. Yes I got a few comments and teased a bit. But as a teenager and onwards it all changed. I get so so many comments on my beautiful hair

What a dreadful thing for him to say, please put a huge complaint into Royal Mail and stop this man in his tracks! However, don't worry kids will tease about anything and everything. It's how you bring them up to deal with it that counts! Red hair is stunning xxx

I love red hair, was always jealous of my 2 sisters with their flaming locks while I had miserable mousey hair. Take no heed of him or anyone else, you baby is a beauty.

But I wouldn't report the postman, it was a poor taste thing to say but he could lose his job.

^^ but he's shite at customer relations (part of his job). He's unlikely to be fired. Face a disciplinary at the most extreme .. probably just make an apology.

No idea what to suggest about your postie but I just wanted to say that I love red/ginger/auburn hair too! As a teenager, that was always the colour I chose to dye my hair. I still love it now - so striking, and it usually seems to come with luminous skin too.

What a dick, he probably thought he was being funny. My oh is ginger and our daughter is strawberry blonde. I've known this kind of reaction to happe to friends with red headed children. Even my oh was brought hair dye from secret Santa. Try not to over think or worry about how other children will be at school most kids don't notice hair colour and she won't be the only red head there.

My sis in law has long thick smooth perfect hair. It's also a beautiful colour, I would LOVE to have her hair. She hates it probably because she has been teased about it relentlessly her whole life. Loads of 'jokes' and loads of down right rude comments. Last year a stranger on a bus told her she shouldn't breed! Comments shouldn't be shrugged off about hair colour. She can't dye it. She tried, her scalp is too sensitive for hair dye. She tried bleaching the ends for an ombre look, after 4 hours with the bleach on, it had barely made a difference! I hope one day she will embrace her beautiful hair. For now, she will carry on tying it back to try and hide it.

I really dislike the word 'ginger'

Me too, jetSTAR. Probably because that's the word the dickheads usually choose as part of their put-down. Maybe there's something to be said for reclaiming it, but it makes me uncomfortable to hear it. That said, the 12 year old with the fantastic hair in our house has never personally encountered any of these dickheads, so maybe it's not inevitable.

Focus more on teaching your beautiful girl to be confident and not give a flying fudge what people think, my cousin is 14 and a red head and is desperate to dye her hair. She is an absolute stunner and her hair is bloody gorgeous but she won't see it because of small minded people.

This is shocking. Of course it's a rude thing to say and so unprofessional.

Is he saying that in a few years she should hide away her ginger hair instead of embracing her natural ginger hair? Cracking a casual joke or not, thats in effect what he's getting at.

I'd make a complaint. I never complain and am not one of those high on my horse people. But you shouldn't deliver post to people's door and make rude comments about people's hair colour. Not on.

Yes, we do. It's called Freedom. And as long as it does no serious harm, we should tolerate it. Certainly not try to lose someone his job over a cheeky remark

Coo, exaltedwombat, so I can start making racist remarks then? Because they surely don't cause any serious harm, right? That's good to know.

FYI, it wasn't a 'cheeky remark'. If he had said, 'she's really ginger' or 'carrot-top' or something, that would be a cheeky remark. He said that the OP would have to get the hair-dye out to get rid of the hair colour. 60 years ago, I bet some people would have had no qualms saying to the parents of a mixed-race child that they would have to get the bleach out. But we realise now that this is completely unacceptable.

Bullying against red hair is a very real problem. Most people I know with that hair colour have faced extensive bullying during their school years and even in adulthood, have been subjected to rude comments and remarks. Katie Hopkins said that ginger children are less lovable. I have heard friends of mine saying stuff like 'I would be gutted if I had a ginger kid'. I have also heard people say that gingers should be drowned at birth.

NO other hair colour is subjected to this level of hate. It absolutely IS on a par with racism and the OP should absolutely certainly make a complaint against the 'cheeky' postman. Of course you can comment on other people's kids but you CANNOT say openly to the parents that the child's appearance should be changed. In 3 years time, the OP's DD might already be hearing this kind of crap at school and hearing the postman say it too would be incredibly damaging.

Complain about the postie and make sure your daughter knows that she is the most beautiful person on earth. 😘

I detest being called ginger (pronounced with hard 'g'), and used to kick the boys at school who called me it. Specs and braces too, wasn't an ideal combination . I would definitely be giving hard stares to anyone making derogatory comments.

I'm ginger by choice & tell every redheaded child who comes into my shop how wonderful their hair is! Celebrate it !

exaltedwombat
Yes, we do. It's called Freedom. And as long as it does no serious harm, we should tolerate it. Certainly not try to lose someone his job over a cheeky remark.

Would you have posted differently if the comment had been about skin colour?

Why is commenting about natural hair colour something people have to just suck up because it is 'cheeky'? It isnt cheeky it is rude and offensive.

This person should be disciplined for making a rude and offensive comment.

I think that an awful lot of people are bigots. They feel the need to have someone to hate and to be able to express that hatred. It is no longer acceptable or legal to express that bigotry against a lot of people. So now those people focus their bigotry onto the few remaining 'acceptable' targets.

Ginger shaming can in fact do serious harm especially to children. I am of the view that it is racist and utterly unacceptable. Would it be ok to comment on a black child's curly hair suggesting the parent get it straightened? No it wouldn't. Personally I would complain. Not to lose the man his job but because he needs to be told to pull his head in.

And yes redheads do develop a thick skin if they are encouraged to feel proud of their hair. Your daughter is fortunate that you are proud of her hair. She will learn from you.

how would someone feel if they were told that their black skin ought to be dyed? not really sure why bullying red heads is treated differently.