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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

about the postman and my daughter's beautiful hair.

299 replies

Rosae · 26/07/2016 12:40

My 13 month old daughter has (what I consider to be) beautiful ginger hair. Very ginger.
While signing for a parcel today the royal mail postman commented to me ' she is quite the ginge isn't she? You'll wanna be getting some hair dye for that soon' with a little snigger after it. I'm not very good or fast with comebacks so just looked at him I shock then went back in.
AIBU that this comment made me upset and worried about the future for her? My hubby has strawberry blonde hair and got badly teased and bullied for it at school.
Friends sometimes make jokes about it but in a more lovingly teasing way that I brush off in general and say 'yes she's gorgeous isn't she? ' Should I be stopping it?

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AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 27/07/2016 18:32

I wouldn't worry too much about children in school being rude/bullying her, I've never heard of any red haired child in the school I work in being picked on because of their hair. I think it's a generational thing and (hopefully) children these days don't have the same negative feelings towards redheads.

Ohmygodareyouserious · 27/07/2016 18:34

I have red hair and although I endured some teasing at school, nothing too serious, I think things have moved on now. My 15 year old DD's best friend has very ginger hair and is the envy of all her friends (including my DD) who all think it's beautiful - as do all the boys apparently. The postman is a cock x

Evergreen17 · 27/07/2016 18:37

Rude rude rude
Rude rude rude

If I were you I would practice an assertive sentence to say when these rude comments arise

chazf09 · 27/07/2016 18:38

My oldest is ginger and proud I call her ginge she laughs (she's 10) ginger hair is pretty common. I wouldn't allow others to call her ginge in a bad way. Omy daughter says she will NEVER dye her hair. Complain to royal mail he should have kept his remark to himself x

Nelleflowerpot · 27/07/2016 18:39

Your postman is rude, tackles and quite frankly nasty. He probably told other mothers that her child was too bald, chubby, skinny, short, tall etc etc. my FIL is just as rude and tactless.
I find red hair beutiful as do many others. I even went to school with a girl who lost her hair due to cancer treatment and chose a auburn wig to wear (she was a natural brunette) she looked lovely in it. She picked her red wig over blond and brown. Red haired kids ruled at our school after that little endorsement LOL.
Teach your daughter how beutiful her hair is and to stand up to bully's as for every person who says a negative probably 10 others are silently admiring her hair. X

Anmi0802 · 27/07/2016 18:43

exaltedwombat
It's because of people like you who thinks is ok to say what you think, that we have so many racist in this country. Any type of discrimination is wrong and we should not tolerate. I was on a bus just after the referendum and an english man told me to go back to my country, just because i didn't look english, was very upset about it, as soon as an english woman came with her baby he spoke to her really nice. it hurts to see people think is ok to say things just because they have the FREEDOM
I think you can tell the post man something instead of writing a complain so he wouldn't lose his job, but say something so you will feel better.
And I'm sure your baby girl is beautiful!!!

worrierandwine · 27/07/2016 18:44

My best friends DD has hair just like the little girl from the film "Brave" and it's stunning! She said the other day that she's had people say to her "it's a shame she's got red hair isn't it" ShockAngry it's other people's ignorance and I suspect with time you will get brave with your comebacks. I always get shocked when someone is rude then berate myself for not having a witty comeback. Ignore the dimwits, she's original and beautiful and TBH even if there's nothing remotely unusual about you kids will always find something to bully you about anyway, sad but true .

biilbosmum · 27/07/2016 18:46

FWIW your postman is a) rude, b) possibly stupid, and c) out of touch with current trends.
My red head sister suffered bullying and abuse in school in the 70s and 80s but now loves her hair, which like my mother's red hair is refusing to grey. And my red head son has suffered no abuse whatsoever (well, apart from one little twerp who would have found anything to to use as a verbal weapon) and loves his 'viking' hair. He is twenty and has a beautiful beard to go with his lovely thick head of hair. He is also fortunate to have brown eyes and to tan, so doesn't have to avoid sun like my sister. And (not boasting, just stating a fact) he has a beautiful girlfriend who also loves his hair.
One day you must take your DD to Iceland and see all the beautiful red heads and strawberry blonds there. Gorgeous people!
So yes - yah boo to your stupid postie. Have faith and confidence that your DD will grow up in a world where her locks are valued and admired!

Grittyshunts · 27/07/2016 18:47

The postman was being a dick! I think ginger hair is beautiful. Complain!! Flowers

Iflyaway · 27/07/2016 18:56

Nothing wrong with having a nice chat with the postman or them as they go about their business, but he was being totally unproffesional. as well as being an ass

Haven't read the whole thread so may have been mentioned but there's a whole movement now for redheads Smile. I have one in my family too.

Next time you see him, just smile and say "Hey, did you know the most eligible bachelor in Britain is a readhead?!" Grin That'll give him his comeuppance!

www.facebook.com/RedheadDays/

Iflyaway · 27/07/2016 18:58

sorry - redhead!

ginger1976 · 27/07/2016 18:58

I never considered myself to be ginger but as you can see from my username, it was a nickname l have been stuck with!! But strawberry blond or ginger hair is gorgeous and quite rare therefore only special people are blessed with it!! Shame you didn't think of a snappy reply but it probably would have been wasted on him anyway.

Gingersdohavesouls · 27/07/2016 19:00

As a proud ginger and mother to a 15 yo gorgeous ginger daughter, I'd be so annoyed and upset!
We hear it all the time, but thankfully my daughter still loves her hair and although she now dyes it (she's a rocker/emo) she always keeps a section of hair un-dyed to show her ginger Pride!!!

Make sure you keep telling your daughter how stunning her hair is, and that it makes her special. It worked for my daughter :-) x

pollmeister · 27/07/2016 19:01

Set the dog on him! (if you have one)

Helentad · 27/07/2016 19:02

"Your just plain ugly at least she/I can dye my hair" is what my 9 year old twins both say. One is very Ginger the other strawberry blonde. They don't get bullied much at school about hair as the school has a few red heads and that sort of behaviour is dealt with quickly. Unfortunately she will probably have to take it to some extent all her life but saying that my boys love the colour they have. I would make a complaint about that postie as he is nothing but a bully and to say that about a child is disgusting behaviour and he needs telling.

gingermumi · 27/07/2016 19:06

Being a 'ginge' myself did get some occasional teasing at school (Duracell mostly - 'with the copper colour top' - old ad campaign) but as an adult it has been admired and caught attention (in a good way). I think it's is much less of a 'thing' these days. I think 'dumb' blonds get it far worse the us auburn headed gals :-) now. Apologies to any blond mummies and daddies - this is an observation on media voice and current jokes not an accusation or opinion on my part :-)

Carriecakes80 · 27/07/2016 19:10

When my son was born, it was clear he had taken after my dad with a shock of ginger hair. Now, my dad had been called Ginge and Rusty all of his life, and he smiled and got on with it, like water off a ducks back, and I wanted my boy to be the same. I named him a lovely normal name, however, all his 14 years, I have called him Ginge, Ginger, Red, Rusty, Copper-Nob, anything with the colour red in it, and he has never ever been bullied. My theory, rightly or wrongly (with us I was proved right!) was that if I always called him ginger and all the other names I could think of with his hair, then by the time he got to school, if anyone else started calling him these names too, then surely, he would think "So what, thats what my Mum calls me!"
And it worked! Once I think he came home and said that some lad had called him Ginger, but he took it as a compliment lol, and they became best mates!
My Ginge is now 14, he is so used to people commenting on his hair, either being daft like your postman telling him to buy hair-dye, or older folk telling him what a gorgeous colour it is. He couldn't care less. its his hair, and he knows that Gingers are becoming more rare, (true apparently!) and he just gets on with it.
I think if you make a big deal out of this, you're setting yourself up for a shock. There are a lot of folk as dappy as your postman who will comment, its the way of life for red-heads, and you can either arm your kid and make her confident and proud of this so she can let it go, or you can take every remark personally and your kid will follow suit, and let it rule their life.
Be thankful for the rare red-head, and whenever anyone says anything derogatory to you about it, you just smile at them, because our red-heads are all gorgeous! x

about the postman and my daughter's beautiful hair.
CauliflowerBalti · 27/07/2016 19:21

Me and my son are both ginger. Throughout his early years he got nothing but praise for the colour of his hair, which quite went to his head: "Mummy, my hair is splendid." Matter of fact delivery, a statement of fact. And he was right. It IS splendid.

Now, kids at school are starting to be little twats and picking on him. It's ridiculous and heartbreaking. It's just HAIR.

I'd complain to the Royal Mail. No need for that shit.

ElleBellyBeeblebrox · 27/07/2016 19:25

It is splendid. I tell my Dd that she is very special as only 1 in 100 people have red hair, and also that it is quite revered in some countries. Power to the gingers!

about the postman and my daughter's beautiful hair.
ThisIsPlanetEarth · 27/07/2016 19:31

Well done to you Carrie cakes! My daughter was born with red hair although none of us have it, it is now an auburn colour, everyone comments on how lovely it is. When we where coming back from holiday last year, the guy looking at her passport made a comment about her having ginger hair. I was quite taken aback and just said yes it's lovely isn't it. What I should have said was "at least she has hair, unlike you" cheeky git, also that postman is too, report him or make a comment next time you see him!

Daydream007 · 27/07/2016 19:32

YANBU. How rude of the postman. Unfortunately some people don't think before they speak. I think ginger/red/strawberry hair is stunning. My daughter used to be strawberry blonde but over the last year it has turned more 'standard blonde', I miss her strawberry colour as it was so stunning. My natural hair colour is dull brunette and I always have warm strawberry highlights put in at the hairdressers to brighten it up.

patrickmang · 27/07/2016 19:35

This always reminds me of the Dr Suess book about one star sneetches and two star sneetches. It's basically a book about racism. I'm from the States and it took me about 5 years to understand that red heads were even ostracised. In America is say either nobody thinks about it or (for girls) it's considered really attractive. At least in a casual "blondes have more fun" kind of way.

Ignoring it is good, but ultimately not practical advice. Ultimately teach that some people will love it and some people will hate it. But if you step back its all as ridiculous as the Dr Seuss book.

CatNip2 · 27/07/2016 19:36

Carrie, your son is a beaut, gorgeous, he would look fab in a Next Directory catalogue.

Policom123 · 27/07/2016 19:41

First thing my mother asked when I had my first baby was is she has red hair? She was disappointed to find out that no, she actually looks like me( dark, olive skin) both kids are getting the dark blond hair now! But I would love to have a red hair baby! I don't understand why in England people say things like that! Where I come from she will be stopped in the street and told how beautiful she is!

Lifegavemelemons · 27/07/2016 19:47

I grew up in the 50s/60s and definitely thought that red hair was very glamorous - my dad was a huge fan of actresses such a Maureen Ohara, Rita Hayworth and Deborah Kerr - all of whom, IIRC, were natural redheads! I had friends at school with red hair and envied them for that reason - it was only on coming onto MN that I realised that this weird prejudice existed - when on earth did it start?