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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about the postman and my daughter's beautiful hair.

299 replies

Rosae · 26/07/2016 12:40

My 13 month old daughter has (what I consider to be) beautiful ginger hair. Very ginger.
While signing for a parcel today the royal mail postman commented to me ' she is quite the ginge isn't she? You'll wanna be getting some hair dye for that soon' with a little snigger after it. I'm not very good or fast with comebacks so just looked at him I shock then went back in.
AIBU that this comment made me upset and worried about the future for her? My hubby has strawberry blonde hair and got badly teased and bullied for it at school.
Friends sometimes make jokes about it but in a more lovingly teasing way that I brush off in general and say 'yes she's gorgeous isn't she? ' Should I be stopping it?

OP posts:
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7
VerbenaGirl · 26/07/2016 21:51

I'm a proud mother to a ginger daughter. We've always made sure she knows how lucky she is to have such a rare and interesting hair colour, and how proud we were when the midwife told us (she had ginger hair too, and it was the very first thing she said when she saw her... "It's a ginger baby!) and ever since. Fortunately there's never been any teasing about it. In fact there was always a small gaggle of 'ginger and proud' girls at her primary school, and it doesn't seem to even be on the radar now she's at senior school. I suspect the teasing is probably less for girls. Let's face it, me and my friends all started trying to dye our hair red as soon as we were old enough! Red hair is stunning!! By the way, YANBU - the Potman is a twat.

thewavesofthesea · 26/07/2016 21:52

My four year old son has red hair. I would love to have the same colour hair as him! I remember once seeing another boy in a coffee shop when my son was around 6 months, who was about the same age with very similar coloured hair (as my lovely MIL put it 'like spun gold'). I nodded to the mum and commented how similar her son's hair was to my son's, and how lovely it was. She looked at me and frowned and said that she had 'just about come to terms with it now'! That poor boy!

It's pretty common round here too. There is at least one other redhead in my son's new school class, and he loves it. He likes it called 'red' though and not 'ginger'.......no idea why! He is very feisty and I have no concerns about his ability to stand up for himself if he does get picked on for it.

hookiewookie29 · 26/07/2016 22:02

She'll have the last laugh when she's older....I'm a 48 year old redhead and have no grey hairs!

theelectricmichaelangelo · 26/07/2016 22:06

what a horrible person

a complete ignoramus

NeverNic · 26/07/2016 22:12

I would make a complaint about this if I were you. Regardless of his intention, he is paid to deliver mail in a service role. He is representing RM very badly.

Apologies if I've missed this but OP, do you have any feelings about her hair colour?

My son is a strawberry blonde. A true strawberry blonde though - lots of gorgeous, golden tones and so shiny. He looks blonde next to real red heads and red next to blondes. I had strawberry blonde hair as a baby but went mousy and then dark naturally, fairly young (infants). I think he will be lighter than me, but who knows. I get very annoyed by the constant comments I get about his hair from my OHs friends. He is not ginger, and they take the piss that we are basically not admitting his 'real colour'. Hmm My OHs family have a few proper red heads - one auburn, another a light rusty colour and two orangey tones. If his hair was ginger, I would say so. It isn't and he doesn't have the very fair colouring of my husband's family either. Because of how negative people can be about red heads I now can't describe him properly, without it looking like I'm ashamed of his hair. Ridiculous.

Emus · 26/07/2016 22:15

It's just a colour - I really don't understand why people make a big deal about it. I saw a lady today on her way to work who had the most beautiful coppery/bronze hair. I was mesmerised, it was so beautiful. I'm sure your daughters hair colour is just as stunning. Ignore anyone who suggests otherwise.

Orangesaretheonly · 26/07/2016 22:18

As a fellow "ginge" I would be filing a complaint to Royal Mail. Rude fucker. Especially saying about a child who can't even give a good comeback (like I did at school!)

Rainbunny · 26/07/2016 22:21

Oh for goodness sake, why is the ginger bullying thing still around in this day and age? I moved overseas and married a gorgeous red haired dh, he's never been teased or bullied about it in his life. The one and only time he was teased about it... on his first visit to the UK to meet my family! Not that it bothered him, he just thought the offending cousin was a bit weird. I'm praying that our children will get dh's colouring, I have mousy brown hair myself and completely envy redheads.

Original poster
Rosae · 26/07/2016 22:35

NeverNic I love love love her hair colour. I make jokes that it's why i married her dad! The whole of his family and mine from my mum's generation up have red hair But for some reason it skipped my generation (tho if the sun hits mine it has a red shine to it tho it is quite dark) in my family and non of the kids in my daughter's generation apart from her have any red to their hair. I was dying to have the first red head and was thrilled (hubby also joked that if she wasn't ginger he wouldn't believe she was his! )

OP posts:
HolaAmigosCwmbran · 26/07/2016 22:38

I come from Spain and I really struggle to understand this attitude to red hair, I absolutely adore it! Growing up my heroine was Anne of Greengables and even now I am loving Outlander lol
I have a 15 month old and I would be extremely hurt if someone abused her like that, I would be definitely complaining to Royal Mail, his behaviour was completely unacceptable and he should learn to shut his mouth and do his job and not offend people... Prick! Angry

Needmorewine · 26/07/2016 22:41

What a stupid comment. I'd make one back about him and give him a complex

Needmorewine · 26/07/2016 22:42

Ginger/Red/Auburn hair is beyond beautiful. X

Tamclarke1 · 26/07/2016 23:00

Two of my boys are ginger my daughter is mousey blonde you wouldn't believe the amount of people that have said such a shame she didn't get the boys hair !!! And i have to agree .... Oh and they've not been bullied or teased at school X

agentmarmalade · 26/07/2016 23:02

Postman needs re educating!
I would have to make a complaint about his comments, it's not alright to take the piss out the way people look.

HedgehogHedgehog · 26/07/2016 23:09

I wouldnt worry i think ginger girls fair better than ginger boys in school. But even so its just jealousy anyway. Ginger is so rare and so beautiful. Im crazy about guys with ginger hair. I used to dye my hair ginger at school. Ginger is where its at!!

Memoires · 26/07/2016 23:25

I love red hair, the more bright and ginger the better. I was always envious of people in my class who had red hair. I had no idea it was such an object of bullying until I was in my 20s and then I was gobsmacked. I think it's just jealousy, tbh.

I bet your dd's absolutely stunning.

WorraLiberty · 26/07/2016 23:27

Two of my boys are ginger my daughter is mousey blonde you wouldn't believe the amount of people that have said such a shame she didn't get the boys hair !!! And i have to agree....Oh and they've not been bullied or teased at school X

See to me that's just as bad as saying "It's such a shame the two boys have ginger hair".

I can't believe how much importance some people put on hair colour.

It's just ridiculous.

Wdigin2this · 26/07/2016 23:45

My daughter has long thick red hair, it was (and still is) my pride and joy, when she was a child, as it is hers now as an adult! Who wants to be run of the mill brown, red/ginger/auburn whatever....its glorious and special!

Postchildrenpregranny · 26/07/2016 23:46

My dad had copper coloured hair as a young man but it darkened .I really hoped I'd have children with red hair Sadly mine are boring mid brown .Guess what colour they both dye it ...
I got the fair freckled skin that goes with red hair though .(as did they)But was very very dark brown .I used to use red henna on it Gave it a lovely tinge
DD1 once had a bf with gorgeous curly red hair...I dared to dream
I love red hair

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/07/2016 23:59

I would complain for sure.

Red hair is lovely, there's such an odd attitude to it in the UK, I don't understand why.

Dizzybintess · 27/07/2016 00:02

Twat!
i am a strawberry Blonde. I love my hair colour. Tell her to be proud of it.

Italiangreyhound · 27/07/2016 00:04

I am so sorry you had this experience.

I'd use it as a way to get tough on our daughter's behalf.

make sure you give her a very positive self image of red-haired people. There are lots of heros with red hair from the tough and talented Gwen in Ben Ten, to Ariel and the one from Brave, and many more too (Pippy Longstocking anyone?).

As far as postman goes, those comments are vile. Would he expect a black person to lighten their skin? I am sure not.

It's totally up to you but in your shoes I would challenge him next time the opportunity comes up. If he repeats his vile comments then be ready to challenge them.

If he doesn't repeat them see if you can get into conversation and explain how hurtful those views are when shared. They are like racist comments. They are hurtful and harmful. Then I would personally give him the benefit of the doubt and say you are sure he did not mean then in that way, he just did not realise that those kind of comments could be so hurtful.

MilesHuntsWig · 27/07/2016 00:16

He's a dick. I am jealous of your wee ginge.

I have experienced some horrific abuse for having red curly hair. All my life, even from random strangers walking down the street when in my 30s!

IMO you need to get your daughter to challenge such crass prejudice and stick up for herself. This seems to be one of the last acceptable forms of discrimination!

WorraLiberty · 27/07/2016 00:21

Who wants to be run of the mill brown, red/ginger/auburn whatever....its glorious and special!

Lots of people who were born with 'run of the mill' hair I expect Confused

I think the best thing we can do for our children, is to teach them that their hair colour does not define them as a person.

And anyone who has anything negative to say about their hair colour, whether it's ginger or a 'run of the mill' colour, would probably find any reason to make negative, hurtful comments about people.

Benedikte2 · 27/07/2016 00:21

The only jibes I got as a child were "Red hair for temper" which made me mad and , rather sadly, rather proved the point!
I grew my hair long and my hair was much admired.
That was way back in the 50/60s. I am sad that redheads now get so much bullying/adverse comments. I do not know why the general public attitude in England has changed -- it's certainly not a traditional attitude.
In the past royalty had red hair ie Henry VIII, Elizabeth I and Victoria and no one made nasty comments about their hair colour. So why the change?

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