about the postman and my daughter's beautiful hair.

[Rosae]

My 13 month old daughter has (what I consider to be) beautiful ginger hair. Very ginger.
While signing for a parcel today the royal mail postman commented to me ' she is quite the ginge isn't she? You'll wanna be getting some hair dye for that soon' with a little snigger after it. I'm not very good or fast with comebacks so just looked at him I shock then went back in.
AIBU that this comment made me upset and worried about the future for her? My hubby has strawberry blonde hair and got badly teased and bullied for it at school.
Friends sometimes make jokes about it but in a more lovingly teasing way that I brush off in general and say 'yes she's gorgeous isn't she? ' Should I be stopping it?

Ugh, I'd be complaining. I hope he learns to keep his shitty comments to himself when he's sat at home unemployed. Fucker.

I would have loved red-haired babies, I was hoping my grandparents' genes would come through.

the postman is a knob.

I have two children with red hair and they have both received lovely comments from many adults - usually older women.

However DS1 (19) has had nasty comments from other children and some adults as he got older - to which he will normally tell them to fuck off. He does also tell them they are being prejudice be people just laugh at that as if it's OK.

DD2 is 9 and never had a any negative comments but I worry about it affecting her when she is older. She loves her hair and donated 12 inches of it to charity last year so negative comments will hurt her.

Of course it' exceptionally rude to make any kind of derogatory comment about hair or skin colour, or facial features, or whatever.

But of course, not everybody has to love everything. It's merely a question of not saying the words out loud.
I'm not a fan of uber pale skin, and I don't especially love red tones of hair but would never comment.

I agree you should complain.

and if there are any further comments:
"I love her hair. But nobody loves an arsehole"

What an idiot.

Your daughter is lucky to be a red head. I love the colour so much that I dye my hair strawberry blonde in imitation. Also, I can't resist giving red-headed men a second (or third, or fourth ) look when I see them in the street...!

Ps. My daughter was quite red-headed when she was born, but it gradually faded and by 12 months she was a little blondie.

The postman was rude, but realistically the moment has passed and your DD is too young to have noticed the comment.... but take this as the warning moment, that you're going to get the comments, good and bad, about her hair.

Good is easy, you can easily reply "Yes we love her hair, the colour is so rich/vibrant/beautiful"

Bad - you'll need a few phrases to apply off the top of your tongue - I liked
GertrudeSmellsDivine's "Her hair is beautiful. You are very rude."
or "Don't be rude"
or "it is neither funny nor appropriate to ridicule a young child for her beautiful hair"

Don't accept comments from friends to "harden her" against these comments, she may choose to joke about it when she's older, but that is for her to set the tone of their interactions.

My friends and I tease around each other alot. I'm often called shorty or 4 eyes and tease a certain friend about her massively curly hair and massive boobs for example. But it feels different when it's my dd's hair. Xx

How rude! Cant believe people still behave like this in this era. I'm naturally brunette but have recently dyed my hair a copper / light ginger colour & I love it! I agree with other posters - would definitely be filing an official complaint with royal mail x

Sorry, Painted I put daughter. Was thinking of Op!

Postman sounds horrible-you should have asked him why you would want to dye it!

As a pp said, kids can be bullied about anything.

Just shows he's behind the times, red heads are all over the place at the minute. It's a really popular shade. She'll save herself a fortune not having to dye it.

Please put in a complaint.
He insulted your 13 month old baby in her own home. I wouldn't be going for that

Completely agree with this. 50 years ago, it was probably OK to make casual racist remarks. Now it is not. There is very little difference between making racist comments and anti-redhead comments. Both are completely beyond the control of the individual concerned. This type of horrible bullying will only stop if a zero tolerance approach is taken.

I have family members who were bullied severely about this by both adults and children, to the extent that they can't even tolerate anyone using the term ginger towards them (even if not meant badly). Please report it.

I am a red head, never had any issues. However, I'm told 'you're not like the other red heads you have brown eyes and you don't have a pale complexion'. Makes me wonder if its the pale skin thing that people have an issue with. When in labour with 2nd ds the midwife looked down and said 'yes! I can see the head and lots of lovely brown hair' when he came out she actually apologised because he too was a red head :-0. Bonkers gp said 'never mind'! When I was a teacher the ginger, titian, red head, Duracell's would be sent to me when bullying occurred. I blame Catherine Tate! hehe

Just ignore him. Red hair is gorgeous and unique.

Ugh. There are still people in the world who think it's OK to make twatty comments about red hair?

Is a pretty good response in future, OP.

I mean would he Karen Gillan to dye her hair?

OP he's a massive twat, which you already knew.

Tbh I wouldn't go with any of the 'why would I want to do that?' or 'did you mean to be so rude?'

IMO British society is rife with PA stuff like this. Asking questions-that-are-veiled-putdowns just invites him to say something back.

Instead, go for firm continental assertiveness:

'No, you're wrong, I love her hair.'
'Don't talk about my baby that way.'
'That's rude. Don't say that again.'

Gertrude's her hair is beautiful; you are rude is great too.

Arsehole. Some people pay a lot of money to have their hair coloured red, and natural red hair is wondrous! Looking into flaming red balayage to liven up my locks

Ds2 has spent years looking for a red headed girlfriend, he thinks red hair is beautiful and sexy.

You handled that better than I would have if someone insulted my daughter in her own home. What a twat!

Seriously Hazel?

How would he feel if he finally found one and she chose to dye it?

Tim Minchin has the last word on this.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=KVN_0qvuhhw

Ginger hair is beautiful - I've tried to dye my hair red several times but it doesn't sit right on my complexion unfortunately.

My DS is strawberry and I love it. It seems to be getting darker by the week so I'm not sure how long it'll stay strawberry, but I think it's beautiful and I'll be gutted when it goes.

Yanbu. He was being a twat.

He's a twat. I think it's beautiful. My friends wee girl has lovely red hair, Ivory skin and red lips. She looks like rose.

I'd complain

My dd has the most beautiful long red wavy hair and she gets daily compliments. No abuse here but we live in the far north of England and ginger is as common as Scotland. 7 in her class alone.

The real nasty insults I consider akin to racism to be honest.

Nobody on Mn ever claims to make wisecracks about red hair, but it's clearly pretty unrepresentative of the Uk public in that case, as an awful lot of people do. It's a very old prejudice, obviously (Judas Iscariot is often portrayed as red-haired in old paintings), but I do think in its current UK form it has its origin, or part of it, in a current of underlying anti-Irishness, even though probably most people who make anti-red haired remarks aren't conscious of that. But, in my experience as an Irish red-head, the kind of people who are rude about my hair are also the ones with the barrage of witticisms about my 'brogue' and my twenty five brothers and sisters and the Pope and whether we believe in leprechauns and have fridges and the general backwardness/drunkenness/fecklessness/stupidity/violence of Ireland.

Fortunately, directness is one of my strengths.

(I should say too that while red hair is more usual in Ireland, you will still get people, usually older people in my experience - my otherwise nice and thoughtful mother is one - who seem to have an almost visceral loathing of red hair, and associate it with Travellers. Which is another level of 'othering' again.)