about the postman and my daughter's beautiful hair.

[Rosae]

My 13 month old daughter has (what I consider to be) beautiful ginger hair. Very ginger.
While signing for a parcel today the royal mail postman commented to me ' she is quite the ginge isn't she? You'll wanna be getting some hair dye for that soon' with a little snigger after it. I'm not very good or fast with comebacks so just looked at him I shock then went back in.
AIBU that this comment made me upset and worried about the future for her? My hubby has strawberry blonde hair and got badly teased and bullied for it at school.
Friends sometimes make jokes about it but in a more lovingly teasing way that I brush off in general and say 'yes she's gorgeous isn't she? ' Should I be stopping it?

What a moronic thing to say. Red hair is fabulous.

I have an American friend with a ginger husband and she was really surprised at the ginger comments he gets over here. Apparently it's not a thing in America.

Meanwhile when I was pregnant with DD we were having a scan and the sonographer commented on how much hair she had. Then said, "but I'm afraid it's ginger," and laughed. Er....!

Just practise saying in a matter of fact way, "Her hair is beautiful. You are very rude."

PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass
your DS1's hair is GORGEOUS

I've allowed friends to do it up to now partly cos I figure if she's going to get these comments I'd rather she hears them from a source that loves her first and have responses ready and the confidence to deal with them rather than hearing it at school first. Tho I have always felt uncomfortable about it I thought it was just me being touchy. I often get comments of wow her hair and just have just taken them as compliments so far but now I wonder if they weren't and I'm doing totally the wrong things for her!

My daughter is ten and has gorgeous waist length ginger hair - where do u live and I can lend u my rottweiler to leave in the garden for tomorrow's post arriving?!

As a ginger myself this is outrageous.

Whilst I was never really bullied as such at school, mainly because I was a typical feisty ginger, there were frequently lewd comments made about matching collar and cuffs and all that, which I found particularly excruciating throughout my teens, and comments about white freckly skin. I find that people only begin to love red hair in this country as adults, and that is purely because it is massively socially unacceptable as a child and teen to like it, and so the cycle carries on.

I say this country, meaning England, it is absolutely fine to be a redhead kid in Scotland, Ireland and the USA, Sorry Wales - not sure what the stance is there.

For a total stranger, and an adult at that wearing a Royal Mail uniform, to make a gingeriest comment such as that about a child I would be furious. In fact I am furious now.

Complain.

PS I detest the word Ginger, I wouldn't say a blonde had Custard hair, or a brunette Mud hair so why is Ginger OK?

Youngest son has coppery red hair. We've never allowed anyone to call him ginger. The only person who has ever remarked on it was an elderly lady who asked him if he got bullied because of his hair. He never has been bullied about his hair.

I LOVE ginger/red hair, would love to have it naturally. I was really pleased when DD1 inherited my mum's strawberry blonde hair. As for the postman, I'd have given him a hard withering stare if I was feeling kind; a 'are you joking?' If I was in a more confrontational mood.

For that very blatantly unpleasant unprovoked comment it would indeed be perfectly reasonable to complain to his employers.

We have lived in Germany for 9 years and I have never heard of anyone being teased for having ginger/ red hair btw and have asked my kids who have also never heard of it - of course teasing and bullying is no more or less prevalent, but the specific hair colour is not something kids get teased for - it is a uniquely Anglophile specific bit of nastiness.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jan/15/gingerism-prejudice-bullying

not sure if this is true but it is from the above article and I think there must be something to it given ginger hair is only something children are bullied/ teased about in the UK and countries where the populations is heavily weighted with people who at some point in history emigrated from the UK:

"Some have gone further, arguing that the UK's uniquely aggressive gingerism is indeed a form of racism, rooted in anti-Celtic, specifically anti-Irish, prejudice and therefore related to centuries-old matters of imperialism, religious bigotry and war. There may be some truth in that, but those roots are now buried as deep as the recessive genetic mutations in our MC1R proteins. Other forms of oppression are not only current, they are woven into the very fabric of our society."

Almost all our family have red hair and I love it. Mine is much darker so most people don't notice it but I always wanted it to be more red. Though i did get teased a bit In school for it. She's the first in her generation to be a red head and both families love it so she'd never hear this kind if thing from them at least.

"Well, yes, I suppose I could buy dye and hide her beautiful hair. (Pause, hard stare) Too bad you can't hide stupid". Flounce.

I can never understand why people with auburn hair are called ginger; if you look at a piece of raw ginger it is the colour of sand, and matches the hair colour of most young children.
Say to the next rude comment, yes, it is an extremely rare colour, she is so lucky and we cherish it.

what a cunt

if its any consultation, someone called my dearly beloved DC2 a "little porker"

people can be rude and upsetting FACT

We call dd's hair red but she says it is orange. She knows some people call it ginger as I didn't want her to see it as a pejorative word when she is older. If it is just a descriptive word then even when used as an insult then it loses power. If that makes sense.

Thanks wornoutboots 😊, I think so too.

Tara - whose not taking everything Dick Tom says as gospel just because he fancies himself as a leader in his wraparounds!

Ignore that fool. I have blonde hair but I dye it to look naturally ginger. I have very pale skin and freckles and just think it suits me much better than my natural hair colour. Hope you're OK x

I think I disagree with the allowing of 'friends' and people who love her to comment in anyway other than complimentary.

Would they comment about anything else in a derogatory manner? No. If they love her they should be kind.

Is she one of those lucky girls with very thick red hair?

And look how many of us add red to our hair colourings. People are strange sometimes!

And crap fisherman Lloyd - much use as an ashtray on a motorbike - caught 1 fish!
Vet loses goat
Sheperdess loses sheep...

My youngest DS is ginger and I have to say I've had nothing but lovely comments from strangers about it - it seems to get a lot of attention! The postman sounds like a dick - ignore - and rest assured that this sort of opinion is seriously outdated. In my experience red hair seems to be covered these days.

In no job is it ok to make personal remarks to customers/clients etc. I'd complain (and I'm not someone who routinely complains about stuff).

As has already been said, what else does he feel obliged to point out - colour, disability, size, what people are wearing. Nope. Not on.

Red/ginger/strawberry blonde/whatever you term it, is FABULOUS - the money I've spent dying my hair red . .

jpclarke - I often comment on children's beautiful hair - red/blonde/curly/long etc, but would never give one child a compliment and ignore any siblings (or even any other children within hearing). And if I admire a baby I always tell that baby how lucky they are to have such a lovely big brother/sister etc. It.s too easy to make a child feel left out (speaking as the oldest and the ugly duckling of our family - been there, done that, sobbed into the tee-shirt . . . ).

I'd make a complaint to his head office. It wouldn't be ok if this was skin colour so why hair colour?

Thinking making lots of positive comments around her but in a laid way back nut also challenge it gently when she's around so more (confused face) "why would i do that to such beautiful hair?" will hopefully just make him feel a jerk rather than "shut your face large arse" where he'll just get defensive

I told my hubby i really wantes a little girl with curly red hair - he was confused as there's no res in our family but i just think its so gorgeous

I agree that it's not on to let friends say anything derogatory.

Aren't they the ones who shouldn't be saying anything?

Painted -your daughter's hair is beautiful. I'd call it ginger
A rose by any other name...