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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think PIL are a bit dramatic?

70 replies

Blablabla1984 · 21/07/2016 11:00

My husband is the only child and we’ve spent Christmas with my PIL every year since we’ve been married. It used to be just the 4 of us and quite nice because they do the cooking, we bring dessert and they always insist on us staying till New Year’s. Fine, all good. 2 years ago we had a baby and they baby proofed the house so it’s all set up for him too. Great, right?

This year we bought a house and my husband suggested that maybe because we have more space we could host Christmas at our place.

Well…. Didn’t things kick off…. MIL started crying and saying this will be a weird Christmas, FIL says he’ll miss cooking the turkey…. A drama scene really. All I said is that it’s only July and it was just a passing comment from my husband so we’ll see closer to the time.

I quite like the idea of having our first Christmas at home, obviously they’ll be invited too, so I didn’t really think all that was necessary.

Do you think they'll have time to digest this idea and be ok till Dec or will it be a Bah Humbug Christmas? Grin

OP posts:
DesignedForLife · 21/07/2016 11:05

She started crying? Yes that's a bit overdramatic. Is she prone to such drama or is it a one off? People do get funny about Christmas sometimes

TheCrumpettyTree · 21/07/2016 11:06

Nothing wrong with having Christmas in your own home. You've got your own family now they have to compromise. Tears is a bit dramatic, it's not like you've said you'll leave them on their own.

Tiggeryoubastard · 21/07/2016 11:07

Crying? Fuck that. As your child gets older you may well find you want to spend Christmas at home anyway. I'd start now if that's her attitude.

Kr1stina · 21/07/2016 11:08

What tigger said . Start the way you mean to go on .

BTW what about your family - don't you want to see them at chistmas ?

KoalaDownUnder · 21/07/2016 11:09

That's ridiculous.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a change of venue.

aprilanne · 21/07/2016 11:09

i would start and make xmas in your own home or you will be like me .my sons are 25.21.and 16 and last christmas was the first year i had xmas in my own home .i was either at my parents or inlaws .when i think on it its was madness

facebookrecruit · 21/07/2016 11:12

They're just trying to bully you into
Sticking to THEIR routine - don't allow it OP because once you give in they'll behave like this every time they don't get their own way

QueenEnid · 21/07/2016 11:12

Ha I had a similar reaction from my mum a few years ago. I'm an only one and obv had always spent Xmas at my mums. Xmas time had been a go between from Xmas eve to new year of my family and exbf houses which were 50miles apart! Shock.

Dad died in 2009 and obv I didn't want to leave mum on her own at Xmas so it continued. Then when I met my OH in 2012 i put my foot down and said no more driving! Xmas is at my house. This is where I live. You're all v welcome but we won't be going anywhere.

Mum threw a strop saying she'd always done Xmas and it wouldn't be the same. I responded telling her she could continue us to do Xmas for one at her house or be part of the celebration at ours. No one else gave a shit that I used to travel over 300 miles back and forth for years and couldn't have a drink!

We've had Xmas at ours now the last few years. No issues. Mum does the turkey which she enjoys doing and makes her feel involved.

We also have a baby dc1 due in September and have just moved house so this will be our first Xmas as a family of 3! Be interesting to see how the Xmas conversations come out this year! Our baby will be the first GC on both sides and our families live 70 miles apart!

Lol the only thing I'm not doing is all the travelling although I think they have all gotten the message now!!!!

Farfromtheusual · 21/07/2016 11:16

Tell MIL to get a grip...crying, really?? And let FIL do the cooking. I'm doing xmas at my house this year because were having a baby and its easier for everyone to come to us but my sister is still doing to cooking Grin

Original poster
Blablabla1984 · 21/07/2016 11:16

Kr1stina My family lives abroad so we usually do Christmas with PIL and Easter with my family xx

OP posts:
HazelBite · 21/07/2016 11:21

When you have Dc's it is much easier to do Christmas in the Dc's home as you can stick to their routines and put them to bed in their own beds, less possibility of a ruined evening if the Dc's can't settle somewhere strange.

JakeBallardswife · 21/07/2016 11:23

We have this every year, or things similar to this. The only thing is after 16 years together, DH and I are on the same page and we do things that suit us.

LunaLoveg00d · 21/07/2016 11:25

Personally I think it's more dramatic to be fussing about Christmas arrangements in the middle of July.

potoftea · 21/07/2016 11:25

So what's their plan? That you continue to come to them every year till they die! Are they seriously expecting that the routine will never change!
I think they are very lucky to be still included in your plans, that's a whole lot more than other people have, and they need to respect you as adults and understand that you would like to be in your own home some years.

CruCru · 21/07/2016 11:26

There's something about Christmas that makes people behave very strangely. Even things like changing a vary small part of the routine seems to upset people.

Yes, have Christmas at your own house. Apart from anything else, schlepping kids and all their stuff every Christmas makes it a chore.

mrsbrightside3 · 21/07/2016 11:26

Yes, very dramatic. And pathetic (and a bit insensitive to you and dh). I guess by you going each year to theirs you have created somewhat of a culture which is now hard to break!

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/07/2016 11:29

What's this they always insist on us staying till New Year’s. Fine, all good. all about?

No one can insist you don't get to go to your own home when you're ready OP!

SisterMoonshine · 21/07/2016 11:33

Well the crying would decide it for me. What you might not have otherwised realised was a problem (them) now needs nipping in the bud.
They've shot themselves in the foot with that drama.

user1468166567 · 21/07/2016 11:34

blablabla1984 I feel for you - I have had this sort of reaction before too. Stick to your guns - you have YOUR family now, so tell them they can come and cook for you at yours?! Compromise?!

We are having our first DC this year too - due Nov. My parents are away which I am fine with as its their anniversary NYE so are going on a trip to celebrate. PIL are now very excited saying we can 'move in' to their house from Xmas Eve to New Years Day and they can spend time with DGC. However I want to slob about in my house with my DC on its first xmas - may not even get dressed! HA! I never really get the fuss over Christmas & who spends it where - its just a day!

I am not mentioning it again and just gonna go with our plans!

HarryPottersMagicWand · 21/07/2016 11:35

On their reaction alone I'd be telling them no more Christmases in their house. How bloody ridiculous of them! Hand them a large grip and tell them they are free to join you or they can continue their tradition at home by themselves.

We have always gone to my relatives for Christmas. In our new house we wanted to host and host relatives were more than glad to not have to do it. People came over here after instead and I actually much preferred it. DCs didn't have to open all their presents then leave them to go elsewhere, we had visitors (very rare occurance) and even though we were doing the work, I enjoyed not having to go out.

Do it this year and start as you mean to go on. I found going out meant I wanted to stay seeing relatives but DCs would be wanting to get back to their toys. Staying at home is much easier. Let FIL cook at your house if he is so desperate to do it.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 21/07/2016 11:36

So what's their plan? That you continue to come to them every year till they die!

Probably, yes.

"We're having Christmas wherever we want to. Anyone who wants to join us is welcome". We adopted that policy when we moved in together 30 years ago and have stuck to it ever since. We've been variously in our house, in one set of grandparents' house, in the other set of grandparents' house, on holiday...we decide sometimes as late as mid-December, with no pattern, no "turns" and no tears. It's not difficult.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 21/07/2016 11:42

YANBU. They're definitely going OTT with that reaction. Are they the sort of people who cling to a fixed routine and don't cope well with change?

How far away do they live OP? Could you not have Christmas morning at yours then travel to theirs, have your dinner and stay the night? That's what we tend to do with my parents. Boxing Day we go to the ILs and have Christmas all over again complete with massive dinner. By Boxing Day evening it'd take a forklift truck to get me off the sofa Blush

MilicentKing · 21/07/2016 11:46

What I don't get is how these people who state "we've always done it like this" don't understand that they're talking bollocks. At some point in time they must have started hosting Xmas in their own home e.g. when they first got married or had their own children. Prior to that they must have done something different.

It's the circle of life. I really, really hope that when my children want to do things their own way I am able to respect their choices (even if my heart is sad).

Original poster
Blablabla1984 · 21/07/2016 11:47

NotExactlyHappyToHelp yes they are very much creatures of habit. Summer holiday is at the same place every year, Friday night meal is always at the same local pub and ordering the same thing from the menu, Christmas pudding is made in abundance every year because it's tradition even though nobody likes it.... I could go on and on.....

I try to compromise and it really hasn't been a problem spending Christmas at theirs but it would be nice if they accept that we have a little one and things would be easier at our place.

BTW it's a 3h drive, so not really keen on driving....

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 21/07/2016 11:54

TBH yes there ABU crying about the Christmas arrangements, it is not as if you have said you are going away and won't be seeing them at all.

The only thing I think is though is by going to their house it is pretty easy for you as they seem to take care of everything but if you want to have Christmas at your own house that is what you should do.