to think that if you host a pool party on a hot day ...

[CocktailQueen]

... you check that other dc have sun tan lotion on/aren't burning?

DD went to a friend's pool party on Sat. I gave her water-resistant factor 40 sun lotion. She came back burned - face, back, shoulders (despite applying and reapplying lotion), and thirsty - she only had 3 small glasses of water in 5 hours, and she hadn't been to the loo (didn't like to ask).

DD is 12. I know she bears responsibility for her own sun lotion, but if you were the mum, wouldn't you have checked that dc weren't burning? It was the first really hot day of the year! She has never been sunburned before... All the other dc at the party are burned too.

I'm still wondering where the party was: someone's home or community pool? And I cannot get my head around hosting a FIVE HOUR party for 12 year olds. Two hours would be about my limit. I suspect there is more context to all this.

OP, I'd stop being worried about blaming the host and start building my child's self esteem and sense of assertiveness. If she's 12 years old and can't ask to go to the toilet, I think you need to do a bit more parenting.

I'd honestly be worried about her asserting herself over her own body. You probably think I'm being dramatic but if somebody tried to molest or hurt your daughter, would she have the confidence to speak out for herself or would she be too embarrassed to say anything?

If you're claiming that she held in a wee for 5 hours rather than ask for the toilet, I think that she might not be mature enough to be at parties unsupervised.

Every single child goes back sunburnt. That's pretty serious! I would have been devastated, especially if they had never suffered before. Any incidence of sunburn raises skin cancer risk. This is serious stuff and a lot of responsibility to place on 12 year olds who may not have been educated on being safe in the sun.

Yep.

Children mess up, they don't always remember when they are busy having fun and they don't always understand the consequences of sun damage while they are young and feel pretty invincible.

I don't want sun burn on my watch.

Irresponsible as all get out to have three hours in the sun and not have drinks at hand, time where they sit in the shade and a reminder to re-apply sunscreen. I make sure my children do the same so why wouldn't I do it for other people's children?

But of course everyone on MN have super responsible 12 year olds who never need reminding to do anything

My DD IS 13 and went to a pool party at the weekend.

I checked what she planned to wear, talked to her about putting on a t-shirt, covering up, getting out of the sun and did so in the full knowledge that she is a twit and would forget.
I would be grateful if the parents encouraged the girls into the shade but I wouldn't expect or rely on it having spent quite some time asking children to turn the noise down/ get off the trampoline/ stop running about upstairs only to have them agree and then ignore me.

A pool party in the sunshine is a bit 'buyer beware' isn't it.

I would however have been staggered if she wasn't able to ask for a drink or the loo from the age of about 8

Five hours even!

Quite shocked how uncaring some of you lot are - I get the bit about going to the loo, as she is 12 but if I've get friends over I'd say, ooh are you going a bit red, need any cream?

Can I fetch you a cold drink?

A HOST hosts and checks on the guests.

Sure, I would do all these things too. I wouldn't rely upon someone else doing it for my kids, though. You can see just on this thread that there are people who think 12 year olds don't need to be reminded, so why would you want to risk that?

It's best to drill these kinds of things into your child's head.

A bit late now, but in future can I recommend Ultrasun?

I have only just started using it and it's ace. One application a day, even with swimming a lot, works. The facial one is fab- I used to get stinging eyes as the sun cream ran into my eyes. Not with ultrasun!

I r

Thinking about the drinks thing too. She may have asked for all 3 drinks she had but they just weren't enough? The host should have provided big jugs of cold water in the shade with lots of plastic cups so kids could help themselves. You need so much water on a hot day. If she is having to ask for a glass it is clear no water was left out for them...

I can see a shy 12 year old not wanting to ask an adult where the toilet is. I can't see a shy 12 year old being too shy to ask her 12 year old friend where the toilet is over the course of a 5 hour raucous pool party.

Another poster here who would question whether OP's daughter did actually remember to reapply the sun cream enough. My eldest is incredibly fair skinned, she never changes colour and burns easily. With good quality factor 50 plastered on, she has escaped any burning in over 5 hours total (not continuous) exposure in Florida theme parks and in the Spanish sun.

She once burned quite badly on her shoulders in Florida, we were on Daytona Beach (a shithole - don't bother) and I was nagging her to reapply her sunscreen. She swore she did, I doubted her, I was clearly correct as it was the only time she has significantly burned. She was 12 and not a stroppy one. I wish I'd done it for her but she was protesting that she had done it when I was reading etc. I do worry about future skin cancer and she knows where the burns were and to be aware of skin changes and moles etc.

I doubt that the mum or dad reminding them all would have made much difference, and they can hardly insist and apply it to them themselves. They'd definitely be featuring in AIBU then.

Sorry OP YABU.

DS is 3 and he reminded e about sun cream earlier. If a 3 year old can remember to ask, a 12 year old can apply their own. DS is 10 and does her own.

Hosts should ahve made sure that there was a constant supply of water though at the very least so agree with you there and they should also have ensured that shady areas were available even if that meant parasols.

Jealous. I want to go to a pool party :)

If there's one thing this thread shows, it's that despite a massive increase in skin cancers and the increasing strength of the UV over the UK, many people still do not understand the risk of the sun and that being sun safe is more than just sun cream.

Op says dd did reapply sun lotion; even if her host did remind her I bet dd said 'I have'.
If the DD's daft enough not to ask for a drink them the op had better supply her with drinks too and ask the host to remind her to drink/pee/reapply sun cream too!
wonders at what age do docs start thinking/asking for themselves

Lol at X-post with U2hasTheEdge and 'super responsible 12 year olds' and my 'DD is a twit'

DS is 10 and very fair (he can burn with factor 100 on). He knows to re-apply, sometimes he forgets and he burns. His mistake!!

When the OP's daughter re-applied her suncream, was it: towel off from swimming, reapply to dried-off skin, wait for 15-odd minutes for suncream to dry and sink in, then get back in pool? Or was just a few of those steps? Or none of them?

Just asking, because I have a DSD who is 10 1/2, and would be daft enough to slap suncream on soaking wet skin, and then jump straight back in the pool, and let it all wash away.

I remember going to school with a girl who was too embarrassed to poo in a friend's house, when she was staying over. I believe what she said was: "I didn't crap for a week." That's definitely a confidence thing.

It would be nice if a party host had a coolbox full of fizzy juices and bottled waters laid out, but there actually is nothing wrong with telling guests at a casual gathering: "help yourself, the fridge is that way."

I bet if she spent all day in the pool she knew exactly where 'the loo' was

If it was a pool party and a hot day I'd of probably just kept a big jug refilled throughout the day with juice for them.

Iv got an 11 year old. She does put her cream on herself but I do need to remind her throughout the day as she's usually caught up having fun. So I probably would of reminded them. I'd of told them where the toilet is and told them to go when they needed it but make sure they were dry first before they cane in so they didn't slip. Just standard to what I say when we have the paddling pool up.

I would assume 12 year old look after toileting and water themselves. Sun lotion I would probably remind them, but as a group, not one by one.

At 5, I'd want the parents to stay and look after sun lotion and potty needs.

HI, I have a pool and host pool parties as we are in a hot country. I think there is a bit of both being unreasonable here.

1. if you are hosting, your main priority is everyone's safety. If someone asked me for a drink I ask them to help themselves. The kids I have over are between 3-8. It just isn't safe for me to leave the pool even when the children are strong swimmers, especially if there are a large number of them, they tend to do a lot of "horseplay" and jumping, slightly risky but within boundaries I find acceptable. I have needed to ask other people's kids and my own to rein it in. I would expect that they would ask their friends where the toilet is. It wouldn't occur to me to check with a 12 year old.

I would rather the parent was watching than fetching drinks.

2. my kids go to others and I send them with a water bottle, insulated so it isn't nauseatingly warm to drink. They don't go anywhere without these in the summer. It isn't safe really to be that long without water, a cover up, and most importantly a rash guard. A hat and sunglasses for when they aren't swimming.

3. The 3 year olds I check if they have sunscreen on, and apply on their behalf. At school they are expected to do this themselves and ask a friend for help with their dominant side. Usually factor 60 waterproof, the six year olds I would expect to know to reapply. At this age, I enforce inside time but would usually schedule a party like this at 4 in the afternoon, no way at 1pm!
   SO I would maybe cut the host a bit of slack, it can be really stressful with loads of kids in the pool!

There is only 1% extra difference in protection between factor 30 and factor 50

That's true, but I tend to look at it the other way. It's the difference between 97% and 98% per cent protection. So 3 per cent of the sun coming through, or 2 per cent. And 3 is 50% more than 2, so half as much sun again with factor 30 than with factor 50.

I have burned with factor 30 on. I haven't with factor 50, but if I was out for 5 hours I probably would, even if I reapplied it. Especially with spending much of the time in water, where you get even more sun exposure because of the light reflection, and the sun cream getting washed off.

Agree, it's just shocking anybody thinks it's ok to spend 5 hours in the sun, over midday in July. Cream or not that is just too long. Especially for children.

Hmm. I'd expect a 12 year old to ask for where the toilet is - or at the very least, go for a little adventure to look for one. I was a pretty shy 12 year old but at the very least, I'd have asked a friend.

Drinks - if I was the parent hosting, I'd be providing regular drinks, or at least a table full of cups with jugs of water/snack bits. Some kids drink more than others, and rather than constantly be serving out drinks I'd just shove it on a table and be done with it. Free for all.

Suncream - I'd probably shout about putting on suncream/has anyone not put on suncream but I'd definitely not be expecting to put it on - I never expect anyone to put it on my DSS, but if he looked burnt/burning I'd probably help out someone in need. I wouldn't be looking for it though, I'd only mention it if I noticed it.

So your DD reapplied sun cream, had a hat and t-shirt, but she still burned. How can you say she doesn't burn easily? And how on earth can this possibly be somebody else's fault?

I just hate this kid of shirking of responsibility. Suck it up. You haven't educated your daughter adequately about how to deal with strong sun (skin, dehydration etc). It's YOUR fault. Nobody else's.

Sun loruon i'd expect the childs parents to put on and then be a good idea for host to
Give a reminder.
The toilet and a getting a drink though, the child is def old enough to ask for themselves.
I wouldn't be blaming the host about that.

When I host a party for adults, I point out where the loo is and offer regular rounds of drinks I thought that is what hosting is!

Yes they are 12, yes they can ask for the loo, more drinks - but I do think the host should have kept an eye on how pink they were getting, I would have done, it's obvious that a group of kids are going to get carried away in the sunshine and maybe forget to apply sun cream, and if it wasn't waterproof then in and out of water is asking for trouble - they were under the care of an adult and said adult should have kept a closer eye.