AIBU about DH and the laundry

[Cheby]

Need to know if AIBU. Because I feel a bit like murdering my DH at the moment!

I was bathing DD earlier and doing bedtime. Asked DH to pick up the delicates laundry pile from the bedroom and put it in the machine (this in itself pisses me off because he would never have thought to do it himself). Specifically asked him to put it on a wool wash and use the delicate detergent because it had DD's cashmere shrug in it, which is technically hand wash only but is ok if washed carefully.

This he managed to do. Great.

He also managed to somehow get one of my underwired bras in there with the clip unfastened. Shrug is now ruined with a massive hole in the cuff. I haven't checked my work dresses yet which were also in there. Can't face it.

DD doesn't have very many 'fancy' clothes, what with being 3, most of it is from supermarkets. But I loved this shrug and it was expensive for us (£40). I've looked after it carefully and it would have fit her for another year at least.

I am cross. I think normal grown ups give laundry a cursory check as it goes in the machine, especially when dealing with delicate fabrics, for exactly this sort of eventuality.

He thinks that is an unreasonable thing to expect and doesn't see why he should have thought to check the clothes, hence not his fault.

I have to check every bloody thing that goes in the machine because he never empties his pockets and our stuff gets covered in tissue fluff or we have coins battering round the drum while it washes.

So, AIBU or is he?

(This is pretty trivial, obviously, and not the end of the world, just one more thing on a long list of other things like this I guess).

[DragonsEggsAreAllMine]

I never check bras are fastened before the wash, never had an issue so maybe it didn't even enter his head to check.

It was an accident.

[ChaChaChaCh4nges]

No, I had no idea bras should be washed fastened either. Give him a break on this one.

[Enkopkaffetak]

YANBU have similar conversations with dh. taken 20 years but at least he is now checking if he is unsure.

[BluePitchFork]

yanbu
he should do half the laundry anyway and should know how to check it.
but yabu to leave laundry-unready clothes in a pile.

[Dachshund]

YANBU to expect him to think for himself re: actually putting a wash on but I've never fastened a bra to wash it so I think perhaps YABU to be specifically angry he didn't check it all over.

Plus as I sort the laundry I turn things inside out, unroll socks and such, DP does the same. So if I was just putting a sorted pile in the machine I wouldn't check it.

[Fredmitten]

The thing that worked in our house was a very honest conversation about how his attitude to house stuff was disrespectful to me. And he respects me so why be a lazy arse with this stuff. And one of those little zippy bags for bras, they work a treat!
I would be much sadder than I should be about the shrug and dresses, and it always takes me a couple of days to rationalise that it is just stuff.
YANBU

[NapQueen]

I wouldn't fasten bras either.

If a bra hook (which feel quite blunt tbh) can ruin something then it isn't robust enough to own anyways.

You bought your dd a 40 quid shrug at age 3?

Also, you say it's dry clean only yet you took a risk the first time you washed it on a gentle wash. Lucky really that you didn't ruin it when you intentionally ignored the manufacturers instructions.

[Kewcumber]

Never fastened a bra before washing in my life but then I don;t have a cashmere shrug to worry about (not for me, never mind DS)

[IAmAPaleontologist]

It was an accident. Things that are seriously delicate or have hooks which could damage other things should be I separate mesh bags anyway.

Tbh dh just isn't allowed to touch the delicates. He put my cashmere jumper on a hot wash once. Not because he is an incompetent man but because he wouldn't think to separate things etc. It just isn't something he thinks about so I do it. Just as he does plenty of things that don't register on my radar.

[Pinkheart5915]

I never fasten my bras and I'm sure DH doesn't either it's never been a problem tbh, we've never had any clothes come out the machine with holes in because of it.

It was an accident it's not like he didn't check your bras were fastened on purpose to ruin DD £40 shrug

[BackforGood]

YABU to expect him to know your rules for laundry.
Like most others on this thread, I don't do up bras before putting them in the wash. If someone had speacial instructions for washing anything, quite frankly I'd expect them to wash them themselves.

[Sparklesilverglitter]

My DH wouldn't check My bras were fastened before putting a wash on. I don't check myself tbh so why would I expect him too

I wouldn't put a hand wash only cashmere shrug in a machine anyway

[justdontevenfuckingstart]

So he picked up the pile and put it in the wash. Also managed to chase down a pesky bra and throw that in there too. Or it was in the pile already.

[elodie2000]

YABU! I wouldn't have thought to fasten the bra strap but I wouldn't necessarily wash a cashmere shrug with underwear either.

[dementedpixie]

My bras are washed in a laundry bag after nearly losing wires into the innards of the washing machine. I also fasten them so that the fastenings don't catch on anything

[talksensetome]

I have never fastened my bras before washing either.

£40 is a lot for a 3 yo shrug so I can understand why you are annoyed.

[BeenThereTooSEL]

We always fasten bras before washing and DH knows this!

[HermioneJeanGranger]

I never fasten bras before I wash them, it would never even occur to me! So YABU to be annoyed about that.

I also don't think asking him to throw some laundry on is really a big deal. But I guess if he never does anything UNLESS you ask it would be annoying.

[CharlotteCollins]

YANBU. I always do up bras before putting them in the wash, just to make you feel better as we appear to be in the minority!

I think you need to hand all the laundry duties over to him for the foreseeable future so that he can learn to think for himself and perform this rather basic life skill!

Whether you would have the guts or the patience to try that, I don't know.

[milpool]

I never fasten bras before they go in the wash but then if there was something super delicate I wouldn't put it in with things it could potentially snag on.

Obviously asking him to put a wash on doesn't mean YABU. But I don't think fastening bras is necessarily the done thing...

Though saying that in our house we're each responsible for removing tissues etc from pockets before they go in the laundry basket. If he can't do that then he needs to sort himself out. I'd say that's your bigger issue tbh...

[Horehound]

I thought the shrug was gona be for a teenager. I laughed when I read she's 3. YABU. I never fasten my bras and all my stuff is fine.

If you want it done a certain way, do it yourself.

[PhoebeGeebee]

I understand you're gutted about the throw being ruined but, to be fair, this could have been ruined in numerous ways (stains, chewing gum, snagged on a nail) so I'd go easy on DH. I've certainly never fastened bras either.

[Topseyt]

I have never once fastened bras before washing them. I do put them into a net bag to stop them catching on stuff, though they rarely have even when I didn't.

I always check all pockets as my family seem totally incapable of doing it themselves. The number of times I have had the DDs' headphones to launder, or DH's office security pass!!!!

On understanding is though that if I find money in the pockets I will keep it.

I never want things inside out. That gives me the irrational rage and I have to turn them the right way out.

We have no £40 cashmere anything to wreck.

[Patterkiller]

No idea people fastened bras before washing. I'm 45 and have washed my own clothes for over 25 years.

I think you need to give him a break and hand wash the delicate stuff.