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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Visiting family aibu

145 replies

Deedeegonemad · 16/07/2016 13:06

Visiting family, they are young and don't have children so the house is not in the slightest bit child proof.
Aibu to get annoyed at family member when said family member tells my dc no and don't do that. They are acting like normal toddlers running and climbing and wrestling it's what the dc do. It's not my dc fault that there are no toys to play with.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 16/07/2016 13:49

I also can't get over the fact that not only are you not parenting your children you're actually on the phone during a visit to complain about your hosts.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/07/2016 13:51

Sorry, deedee, but you are being very unreasonable.

Part of the job of having children is hauling around all the stuff they need, and if you are visiting someone who has no toys, this includes things to keep them amused.

And a big part of the job is teaching them appropriate behaviour, which includes respecting other people's homes.

Becky546 · 16/07/2016 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FinderofNeedles · 16/07/2016 14:00

It's a long time since mine were tiny, but when we visited a childless (elderly) couple (whose house was not childproof) they used to keep things for toddlers to play with. Things like plastic boxes and lids, wooden spoons, some toy cars and colouring books to play with. That was their choice, but really, small children can be amused with not very much. No need for a car-full.

trafalgargal · 16/07/2016 14:02

Why don't you take them to visit your Mother Or Grandmother instead and invite this relative to your house-then you wouldn't have to go to all the effort of making sure your children aren't bored for an hour.

Are they actually inviting you or are you just dropping in unannounced ?

Optimist1 · 16/07/2016 14:02

This has got to be a reverse! (Hasn't it?? )

lljkk · 16/07/2016 14:04

How many toddlers?
Why do the toddlers have to come with you? Why do you have to visit at all?

Too many questions unanswered.

May I flash my judgey pants now ... 1 mom + 2 grandparents on train yesterday with 3 children. Max. 1 hr trip. Eldest perfectly behaved & active twin toddlers. The twins climbed over (top of) seats, stood on seats & on tables... in their wellies. I would have big heart for the mom on her own, but the grandparents did almost feck all in terms of keeping the tots occupied. Just what was their purpose in coming along? So I wonder if OP is under pressure to visit relatives who then think that sporadic words with no action should be plenty & don't actually do anything to support OP in managing them.

PokemonGo · 16/07/2016 14:04

Must be a reverse.

trafalgargal · 16/07/2016 14:05

If you are visiting why are you on your phone ? (especially if your toddlers are misbehaving)

ChicRock · 16/07/2016 14:07

Ah you're one of those parents who think everyone else's world should revolve around your children and their wants and needs. I presume it's your hosts furniture they're climbing on. And wrestling is taking place near breakable items. You're one of those parents whose children grow into little horrors but you'll call them 'spirited'.

PurpleDaisies · 16/07/2016 14:08

I can see a few people have beaten me to thinking this is a reverse. No one can seriously think it's ok for their children to run riot in someone else's house?

trafalgargal · 16/07/2016 14:08

So I wonder if OP is under pressure to visit relatives who then think that sporadic words with no action should be plenty & don't actually do anything to support OP in managing them.

Well it appears they are the ones stopping the children from climbing on furniture so clearly Mum is far too busy on her phone (complaining about them) to bother.

AyeAmarok · 16/07/2016 14:08

Either a reverse or you're one of those parents.

ThatsMyStapler · 16/07/2016 14:12

Original poster

Deedeegonemad · 16/07/2016 14:12

I pop over on the way back from nursery, it would be rude to just drive past. I don't get to see said family member as much since they moved in together. He doesn't come over and visit our mother much and he never comes to my house. So the only way I have to see him is popping over his.

OP posts:

JudyCoolibar · 16/07/2016 14:13

They're climbing on the couch, it's second hand and we gave it to them. It's our old one

So why does that entitle your children to climb all over it? It's perfectly reasonable for them to want to keep it clean and unbroken.

GabsAlot · 16/07/2016 14:14

are u one of those who think children shojld be left to climb all over my seat and me on public transport aswell because well thats what they do

its not your house but its your kids u look after them

PurpleDaisies · 16/07/2016 14:15

I pop over on the way back from nursery, it would be rude to just drive past

If your kids are running round, climbing over everything to the point where your family member has to tell them to stop I bet they'd prefer to just kept driving straight past.

branofthemist · 16/07/2016 14:16

Oh for gods sake. My pil don't have toys at theirs, have a second hand sofa etc

I still don't think my kids should be able to do what they want. And we take a few toys with us. The car isn't filled constantly. Just a few toys in a carrier bag in the boot or foot well. Job done.

Yabvu.

trafalgargal · 16/07/2016 14:16

I'm guessing this is your brother ?

Why are your children at nursery on a Saturday ...or is this a "bonus visit" ?

dylsmimi · 16/07/2016 14:17

I thought reverse but following posts makes me wonder that the op is real.
Op you are being VVU the excise that they are children and the hosts don't have toys is no excuse for bad behaviour and you not addressing that.
Just take a small bag of toys - my dc like to choose them and carry the bag themselves. Thinks that won't make loads of mess and noise are better but from the description anything would be better than letting your children jump all over someone's sofa!
Oh and a handy bag is also useful for places like coffee shops, Drs waiting rooms etc where they need to be quiet and amused. Saves them running riot and passing everyone off or hurting themselves

Original poster

Deedeegonemad · 16/07/2016 14:18

They go on a Saturday so I can go to the gym for a swim

OP posts:

trafalgargal · 16/07/2016 14:21

I'm struggling with it'd be rude not to stop when you drive past- but it isn't rude to allow your children to clamber all over their furniture (especially if they don't have money to replace if they are managing with a hand me down sofa)

Did you have your own home pre kids . Would you have been happy to allow a child to wreck your home whilst Mum ignored you and them in favour of her phone ? (and then got arsey when you told them to get off it)

inlawsareasses · 16/07/2016 14:21

These children will be the out of control teens whose parents say I don't know why they won't do as they're told, or why are they smashing the house up when I've told them no.

Cute when they're little not so cute when they are big and the 'naughty" things they want to do are massively antisocial!

lljkk · 16/07/2016 14:22

you value the relationship but the relatives don't, hence why you visit & they don't visit you? Is one of your relatives vulnerable & that's why you need to keep an eye on them?

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