Visiting family aibu

[Deedeegonemad]

Visiting family, they are young and don't have children so the house is not in the slightest bit child proof.
Aibu to get annoyed at family member when said family member tells my dc no and don't do that. They are acting like normal toddlers running and climbing and wrestling it's what the dc do. It's not my dc fault that there are no toys to play with.

[FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose]

Yabu.

I have 2 young dc and they don't climb all over the furniture at home, never mind when we go out.

Please never come to my house

[Cornishclio]

Of course YABVU. It is not your relatives job to entertain your children or watch their house be wrecked by your kids jumping on furniture or running around a small house. I do think you should still visit as at some point you will have to address the point of managing your kids behaviour when you are visiting other people.

Maybe if there is no garden you could take them to the park first and let them run off steam so they are more inclined to sit quietly and play with toys or look at books etc etc. We always used to keep a bag of new or infrequently seen toys for visits, long journeys etc as they would be able to sit and play for longer if the toys were new to them. Charity shops are great for picking these up.

[evelynj]

Yabvu. Teach your children to respect things in your own home the way you would if it were someone else's best. Just cos you gave them the sofa, doesn't mean you can climb all over it

[Dairybanrion]

Op
You're having a larf.

[GrumpyMcGrumpFace]

but you can't just abdicate all responsibility for your children's behaviour. They will go to school, there will be another 29 (or so) children for the teacher to try and educate, and if they don't have the first clue how to sit down, concentrate, share attention with the other children, they are going to be a nightmare. Their own education will suffer, and that of the other children in the class. It's really not fair. So unless there are special needs, I think yes, you need to get on this.

[MillionToOneChances]

running and climbing and wrestling

YABU!

[Thomasisintraining]

as for the asd rule book, my ds hasn't read it and in actual fact loves surprises

My DS is the exact same Mrs K he must not have read his how to behave as a child with ASD memo either

[Branleuse]

MrsK I get it xx

[FreshHorizons]

Glad this has common sense replies.
Your children and therefore your job to keep them under control and amuse them. (Perhaps OP isn't used to making any effort with them)

[arethereanyleftatall]

Out of interest op, if you take your dc to a restaurant do you expect the restaurant to provide entertainment otherwise it's fine to let them jump on the chairs, as that's what children do?
As that's as bonkers as what you're expecting your family to do.

[Plaintalkin]

Crikey! I'm glad it's not my house.

Do you let your children jump and climb on your furniture ?

In my opinion , you're making excuses not to parent your children in an acceptable fashion. Put the toys in your car and then take them out again when you get home.

It's not that hard!!

[altiara]

OP, if you can fit your swimming bag in the car, surely a couple of toys isn't going to make much difference!
I agree with don't stop, drive on past (until your kids are older/under control)

[GabsAlot]

nah readong more this cant be legit

i have them in nursery while i go swimming then i drive past their house and have to stop?

[trafalgargal]

Trouble is it's rotten he can't visit - are there elements of ADHD mixed in that make him so hyper too M rs K?
I used to feel like my head was on a swivel-constantly checking he was occupied/calm etc. It makes visiting hard work and we did tend to visit child friendly homes which the OP's brother's certainly isn't physically but I suspect they won't think her rude and maybe be a bit relieved as - as you say no-one's getting any pleasure from these visits .

[LouSavage]

I don't think I'd let you in my house. Your kids could come though. They sound nicer.

[Chippednailvarnishing]

Hilarious!

Nice try OP.

[OnionKnight]

Next time just drive past.

[mummytime]

YABU
First why not take some toys/things to do? Doesn't have to be much, especially if it's stuff they don't get access to normally as its in a ready to go "visiting bag".
Second does your brother even want you to visit? Maybe he wants to see less of his family? Not all families are constantly in each other's pockets.
Third why don't you pop in when DC are in the nursery/crèche? Or some other child free time.

[CatchIt]

Until j got to the sofa bit, I thought you were my db & sil.

Yabvvu. Your Dec would drive me nuts & I have 2.

[MrsKoala]

Not half as rude as an out of control kid having a meltdown or wrecking their house.

Well yes, of course, which is why i said it's better not to go visiting. I don't want to derail about my dc ( but in brief answers to your questions i have seen supernanny and have one of her books along with many many others - nothing works and as for the asd rule book, my ds hasn't read it and in actual fact loves surprises and gets much worse behaved if he is 'prepared in advance' He appears to have heavy aspects of pda and is 'self led', so no amount of preparation makes any difference. You should see him in the drs surgery - last time he ripped down the curtains and 3 of the shelves :( curtains, throws, soft furnishings and cushions excite him to the point he can't control himself).

However, my point really is it's irrelevant why your dc cannot behave, it is still miserable for them to be told no constantly and told off, it's really miserable you to have to do it and i'm sure it's monumentally miserable if you are being the one visited. I know people without dc (or who had extremely compliant/quiet ones) who do really expect them just to sit quietly with little or no interaction and get pissed off if anyone has to give them attention when they feel that they are the one being visited. Which makes trying to entertain your dc really really hard.

My dad gets cross and say's 'I'M TALKING TO YOU' if me or my mum gives dc attention when he thinks it should be on him - but sadly 2 year olds don't wait for opportune moments to yank open a drawer or tip up the water bowl. He also believes i should just be able to tell them to sit still and they should, with no toys or anything else.

Anyway - my point is, without all the waffling, that you probably just shouldn't go, it doesn't sound like anyone gets anything out of these visits.

[kali110]

stop yes! When i was taken to visit relatives or parents friends i had a rucksack with a book in, paper and a little game. Def no needto jump over the furniture

[Sn0tnose]

You're absolutely right; it's not the fault of your children that there are no toys to play with and that they find it boring. That's all on you Lady.

When you gave them your old sofa, you gave up all of your DC's clambering, climbing and jumping rights along with it. If you want to see them playing on the sofa, take them home and let them play on yours. Get off your phone and start parenting your children so that other people don't have to do it for you.

[kali110]

Is this a piss take?

Just because you gave them the couch does not mean your kids can ruin it!
Take some toys with you. Why should they have to
Keep toys in their house
You don't want to fill up your own car, so you want to fill up someone's ( who doesn't even have kids!) house?
Can you not see how wrong you are?
They are your kids.
Yabu massively and really entitled.
Wouldn't be surprised if they stopped inviting you in. I'd be well pissed off.