Am I soft or is DH living in fantasy land?

[Playduh]

DS - three, been told by both parents that we can have the paddling pool out.

He's been waiting relatively patiently as I unpack shopping and DH makes coffee.

DH takes his coffee into garden, enthusiastically followed by DS.

DH sits down. DS starts asking for paddling pool. DS has waited about fifteen minutes now (he's three). DH says no, starts drinking coffee and reading paper.

I'm now making food for a party we are having this afternoon. DS now crying hard and comes in to ask me to put up pool.

I suggest DH put pool (five minute job with the hose and electric pump) up now and relax after when DS is happily playing in the thing.

Massive tantrums now coming from DH and DS, party food not making itself.

Apparently I am bossy, indulgent, a martyr and constantly undermine DH's parenting.

AIBU to go to into town and hide, leaving the two of them to it?

Dh is bu but you already know that.

I guess its dh telling you this stuff? I'd be putting that hose somewhere the sun dont shine

I am irritated on your behalf but I would just put it up myself and then tackle DH later. His behaviour is lazy and shit.

DH does not understand small children, does he?
He could have put the pool up, then sat and supervised with his coffee. Everyone would have been a winner. Now he's caused hassle and tears all round.

I put it up whilst he sulked. Then after I went back into the kitchen DS threw a bit of juice in there so of course DH gets up and asks me what he's supposed to do about it.

But I undermine his parenting

And yeah, one coffee isn't so long if you don't make it into an operatic production, but he's a coffee obsessive so it is in this house.

He works so hard for his clients but he can be a PITA at understanding that toddlers can be as impatient as customers

And thanks for reminding me I'm not a highly strung bully

you've got 2 kids op

He is bu. However something of the lines of 'OK darling I'm making the party food so you keep an eye on DS and put it up when you're ready as I know you need to relax 😘😘'. It'll be up soon 🙄 I think there's a bigger issue here of being tired/timeout/support when you're both tired and sharing the work load. Anymore arsiness and my question would be 'do you want to prep the food or put up the padding pool?'.

Attend to the small child. Ignore the great big one.

Did he ask you what he was supposed to do about it?!!!

Sorry to be rude but that's precious

I would have put it up myself tbh albeit with a lot of tutting and eye rolling and once DS was happily splashing about talked to DH about the unreasonableness of expecting a 3 year old to wait and wait for his pool.

DS had already waited patiently for 15 minutes - a long time to a small child, it's mean to make him wait longer while DH sits and drinks his coffee and reads the paper - bit controlling tbh.

DH sits down. DS starts asking for paddling pool. DS has waited about fifteen minutes now (he's three). DH says no, starts drinking coffee and reading paper.
He brought it all on himself by going back on his own promise. Maybe see how he likes it if you promise him something and then at the last minute change your mind and tell him no, you can't be bothered now.

As I live and breathe he did.

I'm a SAHM, he has a big fancy job. It was my decision to stay home and I'm happy to do the lions share of home stuff, but it's tipping into him turning into a second child.

But of course he earns all the money so apparently that excuses everything.

oh oh

Considering we haven't about two hours of decent paddling pool weather in the whole of the British Summer, then wasting 15 minutes of it is an absolute crime.

He's three for goodness sake. Having kids means you sometimes have to put your own pleasures to one side and just, you know, parent.

But of course he earns all the money so apparently that excuses everything.

I think this is the root of the problem.
He's on a power trip.
i'd be looking at ways to disentangle myself from this pantomime.

Nah Pearlman I would have told the OP's DH to shape up and stop being mean.

I wouldn't have needed to tell my DP because 22 years and four demanding DCs have broken his spirit he is a lovely person who puts others first.

It's often like this with "siblings".

DH is unreasonable. Poor DS. Not need for all that on party day.

Actually what is wrong with undermining someone's parenting if it is a bit crap? I'm not going to give my unconditional support to someone who is being a dick.

Pearlman - that was the first thing I said, before the crying started!

Don't you now need to watch your son in the paddling pool so that your husband needs to do the party food?