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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to try for DC3 (at 47) or am IBU

95 replies

MarksandSpencerfoodjunkie · 16/07/2016 08:40

Got an 8 and 4 YO - no problems getting pregnant with either. Even DC2 at 41 (had him at 42). DH is worried that my health will suffer. I'm a fitness junkie in very good health - the only problem I have is IBS which has just been diagnosed; had a lot of blood tests and scans which showed I was/am very healthy. I know my chance of m/c is 50% now but my cousin (who wishes she'd had another) and is now in her late 50s is telling me I will regret it. I have a full time job as a very senior manager - lots of mums are I senior management where I work but..

OP posts:

CecilyP · 16/07/2016 08:47

You can try, but I the chance you would be successful is fairly low. Many women get pregnant easily in their early 40s - late 40s, not so much. Don't think your health would suffer if it happened but might have implications for your career.

Shakey15000 · 16/07/2016 08:50

I'm 47 with an 8yr old. For many reasons (including medical) we only had one child. My thinking would be that I would be 65 when they're 18. I know in general we're a healthier bunch at 65 etc but still

limon · 16/07/2016 08:51

Yanbu if that's what you want. I had dd at.44 I'm now 48. Good luck! X

Goingtobeawesome · 16/07/2016 08:54

You have options and it's which you can live with more but does DH want another child full stop?

Try and accept it if it doesn't happen but no what if?

Try and get pregnant and it's baby stuff for years again. Can you afford it,M what will it do to work etc?

Try and you conceive a chick with addition needs. Can your family cope with that?

Lots of scenarios to honestly discuss.

DeathStare · 16/07/2016 08:56

Get your FSH levels checked. Unfortunately in your late 30s and 40s 5 years is a massive difference in terms of fertility. It is the norm to go from being able to get pregnant easily to being infertile in the space of 5 years with no other noticeable effects. In fact if you were still able to get pregnant easily ar 42 you were already pushing the boundaries in terms of age -to be honest it's more likely that you just got lucky at 42 than that your fertility wasn't impaired at all.

I'm sorry to sound negative but at 47 I would suspect an FSH test would probably show that you are unlikely to get pregnant easily.

The miscarriage rate is more linked to your FSH level than your age per second.

I'd go and have a chat with your GP before you make a decision. It's likely to be a harder bumper road than you think and only you can decide whether that's a road you want to go down.

DeathStare · 16/07/2016 08:57

Per se. .. not per second!

PotteringAlong · 16/07/2016 08:59

Can you afford to retire when your your youngest is 13? Do you want to be 68 before they finish university? Do you want to be (potentially) in your 80's when they have their own children?

Witchend · 16/07/2016 09:01

You need to be aware that not only are you less likely to be successful, but also the likelihood of having a child with a chromosome abnormality increases. Can you cope with that and is it fair ob your current children?

TheOddity · 16/07/2016 09:04

I would stick if I were you and enjoy your two. You could have a third with disabilities of some kind and by the time they were in their mid twenties you may not feel up to looking after them. Also what would you do if the baby had Downs syndrome which is much more common as you get older? Fine if you are happy to take all this on but it may end your career if you have to become a full time carer and you would be knowingly adding risk for this baby.

Witchend · 16/07/2016 09:04

I've just done quick research and if you look at Downs syndrome as the best well known. Your risk for that alone increases from 1 in 100 at 40 to 1 in 10 by 49.
You also have to remember there are plenty of similar conditions that I would assume the risk increases similarly.

Spottytop1 · 16/07/2016 09:05

If you want another child then go for it...

You are healthy & fit & if you are happy to try knowing it may take longer, have a higher risk of mc etc then there is nothing stopping you.

Living with regrets and what ifs is hard...

LadyLayLay · 16/07/2016 09:10

I think it's too old, sorry

Original poster

MarksandSpencerfoodjunkie · 16/07/2016 09:11

That's it spotty . My FSH levels are good - or whatever they are supposed to be - i.e I'm not pre menopausal. The risks are high aren't they. I love my two DC and am blessed, DH has offered to have 'the snip' so I think I've got some soul searching to do. Not that it could happen and I may have been very lucky to get pg at 41.

OP posts:

AliceInUnderpants · 16/07/2016 09:21

As long as you and your DH are aware of the risks and the difficulties, and as prepared as you can be to deal with it if things aren't 'perfect', it's your business.
It doesn't sound like your DH is entirely convinced though...

DiggersRest · 16/07/2016 09:28

Why has your dh offered to have the snip if you want to try for dc3

Personally l think it's too old, but l wanted to have my dc before 40 so l know it's just my opinion.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

RandomMess · 16/07/2016 09:30

I think it's more about the reality of having an 18 year old in your late 60s - what if that child does have additional needs, how long are you as parents going to be able to deliver hands on support - or is a lions share going to fall on your older DC? I don't think state support will actually exist anything like it does at the moment for those that are children now/not yet born.

There is no right or wrong answer but I do sometimes think these urges towards the end of our fertile years are at a deeply biological and subconscious level. For some woman it is a sad, grieve time when you close the door tight shut on having any more. It certainly was for me despite having 4 DC - the end of an era.

dotdotdotmustdash · 16/07/2016 09:32

I'm 47 with two older teenagers and I couldn't even contemplate having another. I was broody at about 35 but my DH talked me out of it and in hindsight, having 2 children was just the right number and parenting them has been a wonderful experience.

Highlandfling80 · 16/07/2016 09:36

I had my 3rd at 44 and it was by far my best pregnancy and birth. My screening results were better than my birth at 38. Yes I will have a 16 year old when I am 60 but who cares?
What's important is that you and your dh are on the same page. My pregnancy at 43 was unplanned. I had twice been told I was menopausal. Dh shall we say wasn't keen at 1St and it caused lots of tension.

Spottytop1 · 16/07/2016 09:38

Have a think and go with your heart ...

Good luck in whatever you choose xx

2boysnamedR · 16/07/2016 09:38

It's up to you really. You would have to be honest with yourself re the chromosome issues. Would you have a cvs?
Regret is a hard thing to live with but I think if your honest with yourself that it might not happen, why not

PersianCatLady · 16/07/2016 09:38

If that is what you both really want to do and you feel ready to bring another child into the world then there is no harm in trying.

The only thing that concerns me is that your DH has offered to have "the snip". Now a lot of man are unwilling to do that even when they are desperate not to have any more children instead expecting the female partner to take contraceptive measures. So what I am really asking you is do you really think that your husband wants another child?

Also from your post it sounds like you have a wonderful life as it is and sometimes you can have too much of good thing, maybe a third child would dramatically alter your lives in a less than 100% positive manner?

So I don't think that you ABU but I think you really need to sit down with your husband and discuss this together. Sorry I have not been more helpful.

RubbleBubble00 · 16/07/2016 09:39

Your likely hood of having a child with a genetic abnormality is higher.

Mycatsabastard · 16/07/2016 09:41

I'm 47, my oldest is 18 tomorrow and my youngest is 10.

Your two are young and pretty easy to deal with. It's hard as they get older, not easier. They need taking here, there and everywhere, need support with homework, friendship woes, emotional support. It's very, very demanding. And expensive.

I personally wouldn't have another at this age. I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of having freedom to do things as a couple slightly more often but even so, nights out, just me and dp are extremely rare, maybe 3 or 4 times a year and that's because my oldest can look after the youngest.

It's up to you but for me, absolutely not. I struggle to find enough time to give both my children the attention they need as it is, without adding another demand onto my time.

BlueberrySky · 16/07/2016 09:44

If it is what you both want and aware of the risks, go for it.

I wanted a third at 43, I had no problem getting pg, but after 2 mc in 2 years I gave up. I found it too physically and emotionally hard going through the mc. Now, 7 years on I am happy with what I have and don't regret saying no more.

Bloopbleep · 16/07/2016 09:46

If you can do it at 47 then go for it. There was a woman on a different forum who despite everything being against her & awful blood test results, recently had a healthy baby at that age. I'm 'only' 41, have good fsh, fantastic amh, ovulate every month & still have had no luck. So it can happen and it may well happen for you.

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