To want to try for DC3 (at 47) or am IBU

[MarksandSpencerfoodjunkie]

Got an 8 and 4 YO - no problems getting pregnant with either. Even DC2 at 41 (had him at 42). DH is worried that my health will suffer. I'm a fitness junkie in very good health - the only problem I have is IBS which has just been diagnosed; had a lot of blood tests and scans which showed I was/am very healthy. I know my chance of m/c is 50% now but my cousin (who wishes she'd had another) and is now in her late 50s is telling me I will regret it. I have a full time job as a very senior manager - lots of mums are I senior management where I work but..

[GertrudeSmellsDivine]

You are focusing on the baby part. In some senses that's the easiest. I know everyone's different and people have toxic/no contact relationships with parents etc but my parents died when I was in my early 20s and it had a major impact on my life even though I was an adult by then. I think you need to plan for the longer term and see if you can work your decision so that it doesn't impact your older dcs futures too.

[DeathStare]

When you say your FSH level is good, do you mean good for your age or good in general? (Is it less than 7 or 8?) And how many times have you had it tested?

Genetic abnormalities that increase with age tend to actually increase with diminishing ovarian reserve rather than age per se - age is often just a short-hand. If your FSH level is consistently good then you sound to be incredibly lucky, and if so why not go for it?

[herecomesthsun]

I had 1 at 43 and 1 at 47. I was overjoyed to have number 2!

Howver, I have friends who have had the 3rd, just a bit younger than us, they are finding it very, very hard.

[Stopyourhavering]

As someone who's mum had me when she was 40 I'd say no way......she was fit when she had me , but by 50 had severe rheumatoid arthritis and hypertension.....she never saw her grandchildren grow upand I feel like I missed out on so much compared to friends and colleagues whose parents had them when they were younger.....you're children will have to cope with caring for you when they should be out enjoying their lives

[MooMooCowFace]

I wouldn't. I'm only a couple of years older than you and my DC are all at UNi, I'm fit and healthy but the thought of and by would fill me with horrer. I think the biggest issue would be what your DH thinks. Unless he is 100% onboard then it's probably a bad idea.
I'd be too nervous of something going wrong.

[branofthemist]

My mum is 61. She feels that it didn't matter how many she had she would have always wanted one more. She still has the urge to have more kids now. Obviously she can't.

I always ask the same question, on these threads. How do you know if you have a third, you won't still feel the same? How do you know in 10 years time you won't feel regret wish you had a fourth?

I am not saying you shouldn't. I just don't know how people know that after the next one they will definitely not want anymore or never feel regret.

Personally, if I were you, I wouldn't. But then I was done having kids at 29. I spent my entire twenties with young kids and didn't want to do the same all the way through my thirties. But that's me and I don't expect anyone else to do or feel the same as me.

[Floggingmolly]

No. You'll be nearly 70 at their 21st. You could be on a Zimmer frame...
Just no.

[peppersaunt]

Also, even if your FSH levels are ok, the quality of your eggs has seriously deteriorated. Chances are that close to 100% of women of your age who conceive have done so with donated eggs (especially all of the "stars").

[buildingbridges]

I don't see a problem with trying, as long as you accept that it might not happen and there are risks with miscarriage, abnormalities and health issues of your own. But any prospective parent should be aware of all those anyway - they all affect mums at any age, it's just the chances are higher but I know women in their 20s who have been affected. I had my dd at 42 and she does have a genetic condition but she could well have had it even if I'd had her at a younger age, and I still wouldn't be without her for the world.

[herecomesthsun]

As far as life expectancy is concerned, though, we now on average at 40 have almost 50 years ahead of us sorry, Daily Mail link by the way .

[Lilly948204]

I think it is totally up to you, however the increased chance of MC would worry me. I am 28 and just lost my first baby at 10 weeks. The physical and mental recovery has been horrendously heartbreaking and still ongoing. I find I am constantly reminded, this would have been the 12 week scan, on my birthday I would have been 25 weeks. My friend just posted her scan photo on Facebook and she is due ten days before my baby was. It's something that haunts you for months with constant reminders. I lost my baby purely to chance, no obvious reason why it died, doctors said 40% of the pregnancies they see end like this. It's a crazily high number and so hidden because no one talks about it. Since people have found out about my MC, around 6 women I know have also told me that they have lost babies. I had no idea so many had.

If it was me, and I understand it's purely a personal thing I wouldn't risk the heartbreak of a MC (esp with such high odds) when I already had two beautiful children.

If you do try I wish you all the luck in the world, I'm currently about to start trying again. Terrified but not going to give up yet!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Hum.
I had DS1 at 40, Ds2 at 45 (not how I'd planned it but had 3 MCs in between).
I did consider maybe going for no. 3, but tbh, no. 2 really took it out of me - although I didn't have dreadful problems, I had SPD, I had polyhydramnios (no discovered reason) and I had horrible acid reflux from week 12 onwards. My recovery from the SPD has been relatively poor, possibly because of my age, and my already-crappy structural integrity.

So I decided not to even attempt no. 3, also, even though I had high egg reserves, there was no guarantee that I'd stay pregnant (see the 3 MCs) and even if I did, that it wouldn't have problems.

I am glad I didn't now, because DS2 has turned out to be rather a handful, and a 3rd one might have pushed me over the edge!

But only you can decide; and even if you decide to go for it, it might not happen.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Should say as well, that I did feel somewhat broody up until DS2 turned 3 - and then it all Just Went Away.

[PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass]

You might not be peri menopausal now Op but you will be soon and it's not plain sailing for many. I, (48 next week) am and it's not very nice, add a baby and it would be a living hell. We all know about the hot flushes/night sweats/meno brain fog but there's an awful lot more to cope with. Extreme fatigue, joint pain and oh god the raging emotional stuff. There's a reason why women rarely have children naturally at this age. Personally, would I want to make a baby using 47 year old eggs? Most definitely not.

[MoonStar07]

I think if you want to do it then do it. Not worth regretting it if that's how you see your future as a family just go into it well informed and take solid medical advice. Good luck

[Cagliostro]

I think really it depends on how you would end up feeling if it didn't work out - would it be worse than not having tried (particularly if you have MCs etc)

[babybythesea]

The other thing you do need to think about is the effect of a child with SEN on the other kids.
You might be fine and have a child with no genetic conditions but the risk goes up.
My BIL has a younger sibling with Down's syndrome. He loves his brother but he says it was so hard as a child to grow up with him. He wasn't the image of a 'typical' Child with DS. He was violent and needed routine so they never went on holiday because his brother couldn't cope, for example, and everything had to fit round his brother and what he could manage. As an adult, his brother lives in a care home as he's too aggressive to live at home and BIL's parents can't cope. BIL is also the one who will need to take responsibility for his brother when his parents can no longer manage. He loves him but says as a child he resented his brother and as an adult he resents the condition and the effect it has on his family, even now. He says it had a massive impact on his childhood.
His view is that if you don't know, as his parents didn't, then you play with the cards you are dealt, and that's what he's doing with his brother. If you do know then it's not just you that is affected, it's any other kids involved. You are also handing them a lifetime of responsibility.
So you need to ask what you would do if you fell pregnant and there was a condition? Not just how would it impact you, but how would it impact your other children? Not just now, but into the future.

[DianaMitford]

My friend had her second baby at 48. 14 yr age gap between first and second and lots of miscarriages. Definitely works for them.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

For me, personally, 47 would be too old. I am 41 now & my youngest is 4.

My DPs died at 66 (dad) and 69 (mum), so I suppose that is a factor for me too. We have a fairly strong family history of cancer. Of course I hope to live much longer than that myself, but what if I don't? I want to live to see my children grow up & be healthy and fit enough to help with my grandchildren (if my DCs want to have any!). My dad only met 2 out of 7 grandchildren & my mum 5 out of 7 (although she had a very short time with 2 of them).

Of course I could die tomorrow, I know that - but these are what my worries would be if I were making your decision at 47.

[itfcbabe]

I'm 40 in 2 months and would love another baby my oldest is 20 and my youngest is nearly 12, would just like to have 1 baby for once, I had 6 in 8 years. I think if you feel well,could cope if there was any problems with your baby and know you could cope with a teenager in your 60's go for it but you need to make a decision soon before nature takes the option away.
Good luck whatever you decide.xx

[Spottytop1]

I think the disability factor is different for each family - for one my older children will never be expected to be responsible for their disabled sister.
Plus if you ask my sons about life due to their sister their feelings are very different... They saw it as a positive/inspirational experience whilst also hard and hold no resentment or negativity towards their sister.

[babyblabber]

Can't believe some of the extremely negative comments!

If you've have thought it through and feel able for it, give it a shot! My mum's friend had a surprise baby at 46, that child has just started college and has had a great life and brought so much joy to her family.

[ingeniousidiot]

Try all you like, there's nothing stopping you. You now the odds of conceiving are low and the chances of abnormalities are higher, but there's still a chance.

But, and it's a big but, only if you're going to do it naturally, without any fertility enhancing drugs and/or hormones. You're making a baby with eggs that are almost 50 years old, it's a delicate balance.

[Penvelopesnightie]

On a positive note late 60's having an adult child is no age . I know foster carers that age with a handful of children and I know grandparents caring for grandchildren on a daily basis and I think it keeps them young .

[Xmasbaby11]

I tend to think it is too old, sorry. A lot if risks about the child's health. I think 3 children is a lot for any family and for older parents I think it might be too much trying to meet the needs of everyone.

I have 2dc who are 2 and 4, and I'm 40. I had my youngest at 38 but Dh was 49 and he has found it really knackering. He's also sad he may not live to see his grandchildren. If we'd met earlier we wouldn't have had children so late.