Regarding bedtime reading?

[MOB247]

So basically I have a 8 month old who is still up 3-4 times a night (he is ebf). This means I go to bed around half nine to unwind until 10 then straight off to sleep (or try to).

Around 10 my DH comes to bed and puts his side light on which is really bright then proceeds to read until 11ish! This drives me crazy I'm nearly always almost asleep and I can't drift off with the light on. I'm normally tossing and turning until he turns his light off!

I think he should read downstairs but he doesn't think there's a problem with it! So mums net jury AIBU? I will show him these posts when he comes to bed soon!

Of course he doesn't think there is a problem, to him everything is fine. He should either read downstairs or get a Kindle paper white.

He is. Put a lower watt bulb into the lamp.

YANBU- he's being very inconsiderate and selfish.

Why does he think there isnt a problem with it if you have told him its a problem? What a dick. I hate being woken up by light. If you are up 3 or 4 times in the night then he should be more considerate. YANBU

Nope, he needs to read downstairs or get a paperwhite (or do it on his phone).

I'm a terrible insomniac and I'm up a lot in the night with the baby (actually, I'm not with this one but I was with the last and I assumed it would be the same!) and I have a paperwhite as it doesn't disturb DH or DD2 that way.

He needs to go into another room to read!! YADNBU!

Your baby needs a fit and rested mother.

YANBU - We have the reverse in our house, I go to bed later than DH and I like to read until I am drowsy. We have touch lamps so I either read with it on the lowest setting or I use a book light.

Change his bulb and see if this helps.

He is very selfish thoughtless and if he were my DH I'd kill him.

I take it he doesn't wake when the baby does?

So you told him there is a problem?

And he doesn't think there is a problem?

If one of us goes to bed early the other reads downstairs or in the spare room. Neither of us are knobs, though.

You just need to rethink your lighting concept in the bedroom.

these jansjö lights from ikea work quite well because they produce a quite narrow spot. Clip one to the bed headboard in the middle and angle it so it points away from your pillow towards your dh's book and the lighted spot won't be nearly so noticeable for you. We both use them because our sleep patterns are very different and the "dark" half if the bed can stay pretty dark if you are careful.

I'm the reader and my dh can just doze regardless but in this situation I'd go mad,yadnbu!

Get one of those clip on book lights?? They sound ideal for your situation...

But yes, your DH IBU here, absolutely, purely by gauging who is able to move here - and you simply cannot sleep anywhere else whereas he certainly can read somewhere else.

Hth

It is utterly selfish of him. He is just thinking of himself and his own wants. Not your ESSENTIAL basic need for sleep in order to function ok and feel ok. Reading is not essential, it is a nice enjoyable hobby but he clearly thinks it's more important then your desperate need for essential sleep.

It's unfair for one person to be woken unessessarily for an hour, on top of waking 4 times for essential feeds.

Absolutely, completely agree. Express some milk, put in bottle, give to DH, tell him to get up 3 or 4 times (make it 4) then when he is absolutely fucked from doing it ONCE and needs to go to sleep tomorrow at 8 pm ...go into the bedroom, turn on all the lights and pass him the bottle and let him know he's on duty for one more time....

welcome to your world...how DARE he be so inconsiderate. Sleep deprivation is used as an effective method of torture. If you truly love someone you want them to be happy and cared for. This is not caring behaviour. It's selfish arsewipe behaviour .

My DH would never do this but then he's very considerate.

Your DHs behaviour is not kind or caring or considerate. He's all 'me me me'

I'm on the fence about this.
On the one hand reading in bed really helps me sleep and got me through many a night feed but DH hates me doing it.
On the other hand DH puts lights and iPod on at 5am when he wakes up, I don't have to get up until 6:30/7:00 and once watched all of the planet of the apes films on consecutive nights on his laptop while I was trying to sleep. Which is annoying to say the least.

He should go elsewhere.

I'm a bedtime reader, and I sleep better if I've been reading beforehand, while DH is not. He puts up with it normally, but under certain circumstances I don't do it or go to another room, like him being ill for example. A baby is exceptional circumstances. You are doing the overnight caring, therefore you get to say what happens in the bedroom.

He is being unreasonable. However, due to various situations where I have to sleep when it isn't wholly dark, I have learned to sleep with one of those eye masks. I have found it very useful and now I can sleep in many places where previously I would have had trouble. Might be worth a try, if none of the compromises suggested work.

Well we've just had a row about this so he is downstairs now!

For those that were asking - no he is not up through the night with the baby ever! He is bf so I don't really mind but it's so frustrating getting to sleep with his light on everyday!

I think I am particularly sensitive to light which doesn't help tbh - the tiniest bit bothers me! Aparantly he should be able to read until when he wants because I'm not working and am on Mat leave at the mo never mind that I get up with the baby and do school run with my eldest everyday!

Just fed up now

MustStopAndThinkBeforePosting

You just need to rethink your lighting concept in the bedroom.

Erm no, you need to reconsider your bed partner! How is it acceptable to deliberatly do something that makes your partner unhappy wheb not doing it will barely affect you??

Wow Notso your DH sounds like a right selfish knob. Putting lights and Ipod on. Is he purposely making you wake up? Why can't he just get out of bed and fuck off out of the room?

OP yanbu at all. Lack of sleep is bad enough at the best of times but with a baby it is torture. It's funny how it's always the person who can sleep easily and undisturbed that thinks there is no issue.

I hate any light or noise when i'm trying to sleep. No way I could sleep with a lamp on or DP playing on phone.

On the other hand DH puts lights and iPod on at 5am when he wakes up, I don't have to get up until 6:30/7:00 and once watched all of the planet of the apes films on consecutive nights on his laptop while I was trying to sleep. Which is annoying to say the least.

Annoying isn't the word I'd use...

My DH has always worked odd/unsocial hours. He only ever wakes me if I'm in a very light sleep/especially wakeful phase.

There is no need if you're considerate.

I often want to read after dh has gone to sleep - I either go into another room or use my kindle.

Book lights are good, too.

It's not the same reading downstairs - i have to read myself to sleep.

Drives me mad in hotel rooms when bedside lights don't work individually, or are over-bright.