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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Regarding bedtime reading?

72 replies

MOB247 · 15/07/2016 21:59

So basically I have a 8 month old who is still up 3-4 times a night (he is ebf). This means I go to bed around half nine to unwind until 10 then straight off to sleep (or try to).

Around 10 my DH comes to bed and puts his side light on which is really bright then proceeds to read until 11ish! This drives me crazy I'm nearly always almost asleep and I can't drift off with the light on. I'm normally tossing and turning until he turns his light off!

I think he should read downstairs but he doesn't think there's a problem with it! So mums net jury AIBU? I will show him these posts when he comes to bed soon!

OP posts:

JoyceDivision · 16/07/2016 21:38

OP if the light on isn't a prob as far as your dh is concerned, bring dc in for a feed and put light on while you feed. Sure over a few days his opinion will change....

Original poster

MOB247 · 16/07/2016 22:00

Hi Joyce yes that's what I do but the light doesn't seem to affect him annoyingly! He just turns around and faces the other way!

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 16/07/2016 22:33

For once, let him read this thread.

He is being unkind and he should do something about it.

ijustwannadance · 16/07/2016 22:41

He is an inconsiderate dick. So is anyone who thinks it is acceptable to disturb someone else's sleep. Especially if that person is having to get up x times a night with a baby. That sleep is already shit as you don't get long enough at any one time in deep restful sleep making you more exhausted.
If he wants to read he can do it elsewhere. Sounds like he thinks OP is on a nice holiday from work.

Huldra · 16/07/2016 22:43

Uh, so you have told him it's a problem for you but he doesn't think it's a problem? Does he only think something is really a proper problem if he is put out?

Fuck that.

velocitykate · 16/07/2016 22:46

If you have a 3 bedroom house, can your dh not sleep in the 8 month old's room and the baby go in with you? It's less exhausting if you can just reach the baby and feed lying down in bed than having to get up to go and get the baby and then taking him back to bed again.

Failing that, I think you should loudly wake your dp up everytime the baby feeds at night - if the light doesn't keep him awake, then keep talking the whole time the baby is feeding - let him know what it feels like to be sleep deprived, Then he may be a bit more considerate

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/07/2016 23:39

I cannot sleep with out reading,

I do it most nights usually for about 3-5 hours

I'm also a selfish idiot and won't stop doing it.

BUT I actively choose to stay away from situations where I may be sharing my bed with a grown up who may want to sleep

Tezza1 · 17/07/2016 00:49

As for e reader unfortunately our finances are very tight at the moment with me being on Mat leave !
Seriously, try ebay or Gumtree. You would probably be able to get a used one at a very reasonable price. I got a new "knockoff" one for the equivalent of about 25 Pounds, and there were cheaper ones, but I wanted a specific type. The only problem is that the cheap ones only keep a charge for about 4 hours, which is prob fine in this case. Mightn't last all that long, but you're in your situation you're only looking at several months. If you do, make sure that is has its own backlight, otherwise it defeats the purpose.

Idontknowwhoiam · 17/07/2016 21:27

When I say other room I mean lounge on a camp bed!!
The older DCs have their own room and I'm in ours with the baby.
It works for us, this is the 2nd time we've done it and everyone's much happier :)

Vixyboo · 17/07/2016 22:24

Ask him for a solution. Say you realise it is not a problem to him but unfortunately it is to you and you would like him to help you solve it. Yes you are on maternity leave and not at work - work has annual leave, sick pay and lunch breaks where you can actually eat. Maternity leave has someone dependent on you day and night.

Original poster

MOB247 · 18/07/2016 18:02

Thanks for all your kind replies.

So I suggested the clip on night and e reader he said no to both because he mainly reads magazines (dr who & wwe ).

I'm really at my wits end - I would sleep downstairs on the sofa but I can't because my husband will be up watching tele when I want to go to bed. I've already suggested he sleep downstairs which didn't go down well.

On the hunt now for some more sleeping masks! I'm getting so fed up
That me and the baby might go sleep at my mums at the weekend. It will be embarrassing if she asks why!!!

OP posts:

ijustwannadance · 18/07/2016 19:33

Your partner is a selfish idiot. He could easily read his shit magazines downstairs then go to bed.

ParadiseCity · 22/07/2016 06:55

He is so selfish. I feel cross with myself for suggesting something which enables him to carry on being selfish - but he could wear a head torch - then the light only goes where it is needed.

ChipsCheeseandIrnBru · 22/07/2016 07:06

Tell him you're switching to bottles and formula and that he can do all the night feeds from now on.

I can't believe that he is causing the problem and yet you re the one scrambling around looking for alternatives, all that he's refusing as it isn't exactly what he wants. He is the definition of selfish.

I'd kick him to the kerb sofa (not optional, just insist)

Sleep is a basic human need. Until baby sleeps through, you need to be getting as much rest as possible.

ChipsCheeseandIrnBru · 22/07/2016 07:07

That suggestion was just an empty threat btw, before I get torn to shreds. Only might make him think about the reality of OP's situation.

Charley50 · 22/07/2016 07:10

God what a selfish man.

Believeitornot · 22/07/2016 07:12

The fact is that you told him it bothers you.

So if he had any respect then he'd listen.

Does he not realise what sleep deprivation is like?

I bet a part of him is doing it on purpose.

Bastard.

Mycraneisfixed · 22/07/2016 07:15

Incredibly selfish and spiteful. He could easily read downstairs and come to bed quietly without disturbing you. He is deliberately waking you up. Go to your mum's at the weekend and stay there till he shapes up!

Maybebabybee · 22/07/2016 07:25

I am at this. OP, you poor thing. I'm also up 3-4 times a night with an EBF baby and if my DP was doing this I don't think he would still be alive.

Original poster

MOB247 · 22/07/2016 19:56

Thanks for all the Support. There has been zero change since my last update!

My other half says I'm making a mountain out of a molehill but although this issue is petty it's really getting to me. As soon as baby is settled I will be having a bit of

OP posts:

Footle · 22/07/2016 20:19

I have a wonderful eye mask, after trying a couple of cheap ones. This one is silk and comes from patra.co.uk ( sorry not proper link ) at £15.00.

Scarydinosaurs · 22/07/2016 21:04

I'm sorry he continues to refuse to listen to your basic need of being able to sleep in your own bed.

I really think this is an issue you can't back down on- how this will eat into the rest of your relationship is just endless: the resentment, the lack of respect, the lack of basic curtesy.

Reading is something that is nice, sleep is something essential. How he refuses to see this reflects the whole way he sees you.

I would say you need to bring it up at a time when you aren't in the bedroom and it is as far away from bedtime as you can get. Repeat your request- that he reads before coming to bed or with a different, smaller light.

I'm so sorry you're married to such a dick.

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