Regarding bedtime reading?

[MOB247]

So basically I have a 8 month old who is still up 3-4 times a night (he is ebf). This means I go to bed around half nine to unwind until 10 then straight off to sleep (or try to).

Around 10 my DH comes to bed and puts his side light on which is really bright then proceeds to read until 11ish! This drives me crazy I'm nearly always almost asleep and I can't drift off with the light on. I'm normally tossing and turning until he turns his light off!

I think he should read downstairs but he doesn't think there's a problem with it! So mums net jury AIBU? I will show him these posts when he comes to bed soon!

BTW if you have ordinary bedside lamps, use a less powerful bulb and get him to put it on the floor. I have often done this and there's still plenty of light to read by without disturbing dh.

Other posters have the selfish bastard angle covered. Does the fact that he's a git mean that no practical solutions are acceptable so that the OP has no choice but to LTB?

(Apols intended to preface the above with hazeimcgee: for clarity)

When you feed the baby put on your bedside light and leave it on till you are finished

Is compromise possible?

On aibu you tend to get polarised views and a fair bit of ltb as a solution. Which only makes you feel more aggrieved.

If any light at all disturbs you then Yabu to not ensure your own darkness with sleep masks etc. My dp used to wake me up doing hair getting dressed etc when I was working shifts. So I bought mask and ear plugs. At least you don't need ear plugs.

It should be possible for him to read (hardly the worst crime. It could be music or films etc) without disturbing you. But then also he needs to compromise in the way he reads. A kindle with small light etc rather than bed side lamp and paper rustling.

And then if you still can't sleep. Both of you having tried to compromise he goes to sleep in spare room for a bit.

It will get easier as the night feeds drop off a bit. I promise. Right now you are knackered. And he will be feeling (unfairly) unloved and pushed aside. You can get through this!

Get him an ereader

Beds are for sleeping. Reading can be done anywhere

He thinks he can majorly disrupt your sleep because you are on maternity leave? He thinks you are doing nothing important and your basic human need for essential sleep in order to cope isn't important.

Yanbu he is!

Just to say that reading last thing at night isn't necessarily a trivial hobby that you could equally well do anywhere and anytime - some people literally can't get to sleep without it because it's a crucial part of their sleep routine. That said, you need to find a compromise - whether that's Paperwhite, more specialist lights, sleep masks for you, audio books on top quality headphones for him, or him sleeping elsewhere - and he needs to acknowledge that you do need your sleep even though you're on maternity leave.

I agree you need to reposition the bedside light. Maybe see how bright it is when it's stuck up his selfish backside.

We had this problem but I was the reading one. At first we tried one of those clip on book lights but even that annoyed my husband. Then one Christmas he gave me a kindle paper white. Yes I was annoyed at the slightly selfish present! He finds it annoying if I face him when I read but otherwise it works better. Have you tried an eye mask? I wear one when trying to nap during the day. Your partner is being a selfish nob and wtf about it being ok because you're on Mat leave. Nob.

To be honest, I can't sleep unless I read, in bed, until I'm ready to drop off. It might take 30 mins, might take 3 hours and might occur in the middle of a sentence, but, it must be in bed. So reading in the spare room or living room is not for me.

I do, however, use a Kobo ereader, which has a very soft light.

So reading in the spare room or living room is not for me

There's nothing to stop someone staying in the spare room for the time that their partner is having severely disrupted sleep if reading is that important.

This is why I LOVE my paperwhite. I love to read in bed, but my DH can't sleep with the light on, so I stopped.
But then DH bought me a kindle paperwhite and that changed the game, the back light is minimal, and doesn't disturb him at all.

Would your 'D'H be open to getting one? Problem solved then.
But as for the AIBU, no you are not. He is being selfish! Ridiculously so.

Slightly less bright bulb.
Sleepmask.
Sorted.

Steal his bulb!

My dh isn't even in the same room with us at the moment and wasn't last time either.
It gets on my nerves trying to not wake him up when I'm feeding the baby through the night plus he snores and twitches so he's better off in the other room!

Thanks for all the replies I really do appreciate them!

As for e reader unfortunately our finances are very tight at the moment with me being on Mat leave !

Also unfortunately we do not have a spare room/ bed otherwise I would have been in it months ago! We have a 3 bed which is occupied by our eldest/youngest/us.

It probably isn't a big deal but I'm so cranky with being tired! Am dreading bedtime already!

If he reads he normally doesn't go to sleep until 11.15 then I feel like I'm lying awake waiting for the baby to wake up which is usually around midnight!

The vitriol here is astounding and the names your DH is being called are awful.

Would an eye mask help you? That way you can sleep and DH can read. Win win without anyone being called an inconsiderate dick.

Thanks Lokis - I've tried a eyemask but unfortunately I'm so sensitive to light i still couldn't nod off!

Unless anyone can recommend another one? The one I got was from pound land so probably not the best quality!

Err, Loki, you did read the bit where the OP's 'D'H said that he should be able to read until whenever he likes because she's not working. She is working, she is working at looking after his children. That line alone makes him an arse of the highest order.

DH brought a little LED light that clips onto the book. About 3 quid from Amazon!

buy him a paperwhite with his money My poor dp tolerated my nocturnal reading for years. He bought me himself a paperwhite for Christmas.

DP & I are both shift workers, so inevitably one of us has an early start while the other has a late finish- he has a kindle paper white with built in light, I have a little clip on reading light which I got from waterstones.