soren: if you're going to use your son as a not-all-men example, this is a pointless conversation.
If you don't accept that sexual discrimation is systematised and that all men benefit from it - even the quiet and shy ones - then there's no point in me arguing with you. Read the links. I'm not saying all this because I hate menz.
FWIW I have a son who doesn't conform to masculine stereotypes. He doesn't speak up in class, he has SN and can't ride a bike, can't kick a ball and is socially very immature. But I am perfectly capable of seeing that, despite all that, he feels a sense of superiority to girls, because he is a boy. He would never articulate it like that of course. But every time he wrinkles his nose that something is girly, or is anxious about walking around with a group of girls, he's worried about tainting his (very fragile) masculinity. By being associated with girls, other boys will think he's lesser. And he's learned that from school and playgroup. The narrative is hugely entrenched in our lives - from the moment our children leave our bodies.
Of course boys like your son and mine suffer under the patriarchy. It's shit for them to be always falling short of masculine ideals. Patriarchy harms men too. But as a class, it benefits them. Which is why it still persists, despite women railing against it for hundreds of years.
And why we need Guiding to remain girls-only.
And on that note, I'm going to the school summer fete to drink Pimms :)