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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be angry at teacher who refuses DS water on long coach journey???

467 replies

Gizzle · 13/07/2016 21:16

DS came home very subdued and downcast after the annual school day trip to the seaside today. Turns out that he left his bag on the beach (not unusual, he's an 8yo boy after all) but luckily it was retrieved by a teacher. However, when he asked politely for the bag, she refused to give it to him for the entire duration of the return coach journey, even though it contained his water bottle and he was clearly very thirsty after a day on the beach. I'm not sure what kind of lesson she was hoping to teach him, but I would have thought that children of this age should be helped towards independence, and not punished into it. And refusing a thirsty child water? Is there ever a case for that?

OP posts:
JeanGenie23 · 13/07/2016 23:12

He forgot his bag, children do forget, as do adults. The teacher picked it up great. And then would not return it to him. Why not? If every other child was sitting on the coach with their bag, why would she not return it to Ops DS? Clearly it was to teach him a lesson, to punish him. That's poor teaching and not the right way to go about it.

fluffypenguinbelly · 13/07/2016 23:13

But smallfox, if you are a teacher then surely you have met both types of teacher? Of course it's not as black and white as that, perhaps more of a spectrum.

I had a lovely education all the way through primary and secondary actually but this thread has reminded me how often children at school have unecessary control put on them by adults just because.

I'm happy to be one of those people in that case and I will have the vinegar but no salt thanks. I like to teach my class that too much salt is bad so I will lead by example.

JeanGenie23 · 13/07/2016 23:14

It is of course Quite possible that I am reading far too much in to it. But we weren't there. From what I read, that was my input. I think it was a ploy to teach him a lesson by making him feel like the odd one out. It's dated and mean

pieceofpurplesky · 13/07/2016 23:16

Jean were you on the coach? No.
So therefore you do not know if bags etc were with the children.
I am on a trip on Monday with 400 kids to Alton Towers. The coach company has already informed us that they do not want any food or drink on board. The journey is about 2 hours. Teachers have to uphold this. As well as carrying sick bags and making sure the kids sit still and don't wander!

EvilTwins · 13/07/2016 23:16

All we have is the 8 year old's view of it.

There is no evidence at all that the teacher spitefully withheld the bag from the child.

I have never met a teacher who is in it for the power. I'm not saying they don't exist. If they do, they are clearly very sad individuals.

But what I do know is that running a seaside trip for 8 year olds takes a hell of a lot of work and is a day (often longer than a usual school day) with no breaks, no let-up, no option to sit in the staffroom for 20 minutes with a cup of tea, no child-free time. And at the end of that long day, a teacher is being berated for holding onto a child's bag on the bus.

smallfox2002 · 13/07/2016 23:16

I've never met anyone who would think that "power" was deliberately stopping a small boy for having a drink for no good reason.

What I have seen a lot of is parents being told half of a story, or it in a light favourable to the child and not fully having the facts before steaming in.

I also see a lot of posts like the previous one about power on MN, which is generally people with their own issues projecting them on to situations and getting their knickers in a twist.

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 13/07/2016 23:17

But, pieceof, neither were you.

I really don't think water is generally included in the 'no food or drink' thing. Some coach trips take HOURS! Obviously, no one wants kids chomping down smelly crisps and lobbing sweets around, but I have never once known a coach ban water!

EvilTwins · 13/07/2016 23:19

kate as a previous poster pointed out, sometimes it's hard to see what kids have in their drinks bottles, so a blanket ban is easier.

Also, not having a drink for 2 hours is not going to kill them. So its a massive non-issue.

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 13/07/2016 23:23

By that logic ET, we should all just be so grateful for anything a teacher does that we shall never question or ask or worry.

It's that sort of thinking that had me cornered and being felt up aged ten which is why I feel pretty strongly it's not conducive.

If I do a good thing (take children to the seaside) it doesn't mean I'm incapable of doing a bad thing. Does it? But anyway, good luck with it OP as I'm out. I'm not sure what the opposite of teacher bashing is but the defensiveness here and the indignation that one should question a teacher is pretty poor, to be honest.

I've known lovely, kind, inspiring, dedicated and caring teachers and I've also known spiteful, violent, menacing, sarcastic ones who did like to humiliate and some who weren't necessarily mean but tactless to the point of cruelty - I still haven't forgotten the deputy head who shouted at a girl who had forgotten her school blazer and this was the week after her mum had died - really - and sometimes not meaning any harm doesn't mean harm can't be caused.

But anyway, I'm sure I'm wrong and all teachers are good and even if they aren't, they work hard, so who cares Hmm

JeanGenie23 · 13/07/2016 23:23

Were you pieceofpurplesky? Hmm Surely if no other child had their bags, DS wouldn't have asked for it?

Of course OP needs to enquire politely as to what happened. Granted school trips can be stressful, but speaking someone who also works in education, trying to belittle a child, which is what I think this teacher did, is not the way to encourage a child to remember his things.

KissMyArse · 13/07/2016 23:24

I am on a trip on Monday with 400 kids to Alton Towers.

Holy shit Shock good luck with that!

(or did you mean 40 - still a hell of a job)

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 13/07/2016 23:24

Yeah well if our line is that it won't kill them, we won't agree.

It caused him humiliation, physical discomfort and it upset and subdued him.

Didn't kill him though. :)

bakingaddict · 13/07/2016 23:25

There is a lot of faulty logic on here just because the boy left his bag on the beach doesn't make it OK to say he wouldn't have had water anyway. The are two seperate things the bag was retrieved so the boy could have had water. The air is more salty at the beach and I always end up more thirsty than normal after being there. I don't see the need to deny anybody water on a longish coach journey. A bit of discretion is useful as an adult especially when in charge of children

bakingaddict · 13/07/2016 23:26

They are

smallfox2002 · 13/07/2016 23:28

There is an awful lot of judgey pants hoisting for a story told by an 8 year old boy really.

An awful lots of nasty accusations being made too.

But this is where MN gets daft, so I'm out.

pieceofpurplesky · 13/07/2016 23:33

No kiss not a typo. 400 kids. School of 1200. Nine coaches.

Kate and Jean obviously not but my point is that you don't know either and making assumptions that the teacher is some power crazed woman intent on humiliating the child is a bit extreme. It won't be as cut and dried as 'I want my water' 'no'. There will be more to it.
As many PPs have said a lot of coach companies do not allow any food or drinks is including water. As a teacher (yes Jean I have experience of education as a teacher of nearly 20 years) we have water for pupils if they need it. You would be surprised how many children given a bottle of water drink it in the first ten minutes and then spend all the journey needing the toilet!!.
I have never belittled a child or been power crazy either

sandgrown · 13/07/2016 23:46

My so went on a school trip to France in year 7. The teacher refused to let him use the on-board toilet for a wee and he had to wait a long time.DS thought he would wet himself. We are still dealing with the aftermath three years later! DS will not go on a long journey by coach and gets stressed before a long car journey if he thinks he will not be near a toilet.

KissMyArse · 13/07/2016 23:48

No kiss not a typo. 400 kids. School of 1200. Nine coaches.

Shock and Shock again

You deserve a fecking medal!

Make sure you show appropriate duty of care towards 400 random abandoned rucksacks ...

turnipturnip · 13/07/2016 23:51

There are many reasons that drinking is not allowed and certainly it is not out of spite. If a child spills then that coach seat is not suitable for the next customers or it needs cleaning before use. Children frequently need the toilet and this is not always possible. My biggest reason is that if there is a toilet or not on a coach, no child or teacher should ever be out of their seats without a seatbelt. On a trip when I was at school someone got up to get a drink off someone and the minibus crashed. She left the minibus by the windscreen and died instantly. Getting up for a wee or a drink on a coach and something terrible happening is not worth it - I'd rather all children got home safe and in one piece albeit thirsty.

pieceofpurplesky · 13/07/2016 23:52

Thanks kiss I can guarantee that something will be left behind/on the coach when we arrive/on a ride ... It will be bedlam too with every school in the country there (or so it seems)

Benedikte2 · 13/07/2016 23:54

Evil twins you suggest the boy should have asked his friends for a drink. The sharing of drink boTitles, cups etc should never be encouraged because it can result in the spreading of contagious diseases such as meningitis. Even vaccination does not protect against meningitis because there are s number of strains. In NZ after the occasional outbreak of meningitis there are Public warnings against the sharing of drinks etc

SayWhat123 · 14/07/2016 01:51

Another chiming in to say I've seen so many teachers over the years on a power trip. I wouldn't say it's a minority, either places I've worked or being in school myself. Sometimes I think this place should be renamed Teachers Net.

Its 95-98 degrees here everyday for two moths and the bus is very stuffy, we have no rules about water or food. If it's a privately chartered coach they usually do not have rules like that because the school payment includes someone to clean the coach, you just don't know about it.

I can't imagine 70 deg+ as it must be in the UK with no AC, kids over exerted, parched from the day at the beach - not getting water. The buses are humid too.

Have the conversation everyone has encouraged, she will lie if she feels she did something wrong, and of course and 8 year old child can easily do the same. You will likely be able to tell from body language seeing her what's what. Where I am, withholding water for 2+ hours after a full day of probably no water due to fun at the beach causing forgetfulness, would get a teacher in trouble. It only takes about 12 hours for dehydration to kick in, many times less.

BoneyBackJefferson · 14/07/2016 07:10

fluffypenguinbelly

I have framed the two letters where parents have called me "power crazy" , In both cases I was following the school rules about children not fighting.

I have found that "crazy with power" or "power crazy" is subjective depending on how special the snowflake is.

As for drinking water on the bus, the three bus companies that we hire from have an outright ban on any drinks and food, due to several water fights breaking out.

pippitysqueakity · 14/07/2016 07:30

70 degrees in UK. Oh, I wish...

Evergreen17 · 14/07/2016 07:38

Or maybe, as it happened with some if the kids in the class I was teaching yesterday, she told the class 5 times to look around and check they werent leaving anything behind and he ignored it or was chatting to someone.
Or maybe some kids were playing with water on the bus and she had to have a blanket rule.
Maybe she asked everyone to drink water before getting on the bus because they are bot allowed food and drinks on the bus.

Maybe you shouldnt be all well he is 8yo so it is normal that he forgets his bag at the beach! Is it???
5yo collect their stuff after lessons.

Please oh please dont be one of those mama Bears Hmm