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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry at teacher who refuses DS water on long coach journey???

467 replies

Gizzle · 13/07/2016 21:16

DS came home very subdued and downcast after the annual school day trip to the seaside today. Turns out that he left his bag on the beach (not unusual, he's an 8yo boy after all) but luckily it was retrieved by a teacher. However, when he asked politely for the bag, she refused to give it to him for the entire duration of the return coach journey, even though it contained his water bottle and he was clearly very thirsty after a day on the beach. I'm not sure what kind of lesson she was hoping to teach him, but I would have thought that children of this age should be helped towards independence, and not punished into it. And refusing a thirsty child water? Is there ever a case for that?

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 13/07/2016 22:56

katemiddleton as PPs have pointed out, a. If he was that desperate for a drink he wouldn't have left it behind and b. most coaches don't allow food and drink. That is NOT a human rights issue!!

fluffypenguinbelly · 13/07/2016 22:57

Then you are lucky Evil. I have most definitely seen it. I probably have a chip on my shoulder about it because I find it so unnecessary and it makes me cross. This might not be the case at all in this instance and OP's son might have tried to snatch the bag out of her hand or been incredibly rude or forgotten the bag despite being told hundreds of times not too. I tell my parents at the beginning of every year to always come and talk to me about problems rather than stressing about them at home and this is certainly what the OP should do.

Sentry70 · 13/07/2016 22:57

I have to disagree about it being an MN myth EvilTwins, I have been teaching for 24 years and I have met a few individuals who seemed to take pleasure in wielding their authority inappropriately. The majority of teachers are great, have the children's best interests at heart and work very hard, but as in any other profession there are some unpleasant characters.

Notcontent · 13/07/2016 22:58

I agree with fluffy penguin. We still live in this strange society where we impose rules on children that would not be imposed on adults. E.g. I work in a professional office with some very clever people and we all lose or misplace pens, notebooks, security passes, etc and no one gets punished for it!

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 13/07/2016 22:59

Oh Fenella, what a rotten thing to say. Right up there with 'if you were desperate for the toilet you would have gone two hours ago.'

He's a little boy, he's had a day out with his friends, he's scampered off without his bag. Of COURSE he isn't going to stop and think 'I will be thirsty later, I must remember my bag!' Hmm

He has not been naughty, spiteful, greedy, mean, or nasty. He forgot something. I'm 35 and I forget stuff sometimes.

A drink of water is a reasonable request and to deny that reasonable request isn't on. I'm sympathetic to the teacher perhaps saying 'wait a minute' and forgetting but it doesn't sound as if that happened here, though OP will check I am sure.

smallfox2002 · 13/07/2016 23:01

"where we impose rules on children that would not be imposed on adults"

Yes usually because they are children? In an enviroment where the needs of more than one individual have to be considered, and children often lack the rational decision making skills that adults do.

voxnihili · 13/07/2016 23:01

I'm a teacher and guide leader so arrange lots of trips. Every coach company I've ever used bans food and drink. They'd probably be ok with water but would never say that because you'd then have to police all the bottles to make sure it was actually water. The teacher may well have been following the coach company's policy. It's one thing a child sneaking a sip but something else the teacher handing the bottle of its not allowed.
She could also have withheld it to teach your son to look after his things. If he'd not lost it, he could have had his drink to hand. Assuming he wasn't dehydrated it's not cruel, kids don't need to be sipping water constantly.
She could also have been on a power trip although I think unlikely - after all day on a trip and then a coach journey the last thing I'd want is to listen to a whiny child!

I stopped a child drinking in class today. He had juice which isn't allowed. I took it off him but offered water which he refused. Wonder if I'll get a call from a disgruntled parent tomorrow ...

EvilTwins · 13/07/2016 23:01

Perhaps I've been lucky then or oblivious but I kind of think that most adults have better things to do than deliberately piss off small children.

fluffypenguinbelly · 13/07/2016 23:02

Thank you Sentry. I always say that there are two types of teacher. Those who love children and those who love power. I can think of colleagues who would have behaved exactly the same way with the bag.

If he were in my class and another adult had behaved like this to 'my' child then I'm afraid I would have something to say about it. Once I'd established the facts of course. ;-)

Original poster
Gizzle · 13/07/2016 23:03

Of course I'm not suggesting that this is a human rights issue. That would be crass. I'm just questioning what was the point of refusing a child water. I most certainly will ask for the teacher's version of events in a calm and reasonable way, after I have thanked her for retrieving the bag.

OP posts:
Ditsy4 · 13/07/2016 23:03

We don't allow bags down to the kids. The coach companies don't allow food and drink and by experience coats and bags should be up. Kids are often sick on the bus. If they are sick they might be sick on their own things or on someone else's. Kids make a mess. Give them a bag to get their water out doesn't mean they will just do that. This many be why she didn't give it to him.
Two hours is quite a long time and we usually pull into a services and let them have a comfort stop for 15 minutes this eliminates the problem. We don't let the kids go to the toilet on the bus.
I would go and thank her for the bag and ask what happened you might get a different view.
The teacher may not have wanted to walk about on the bus. It is bloody hard work taking kids on a school trip we can't always be perfect.

JeanGenie23 · 13/07/2016 23:04

She was totally out of order for punishing him in this way, regardless of whether he told her he was thirsty or not, what lessen was she expecting to teach him by not letting him have his bag back? It was a cruel way of controlling the situation, she wanted the power.

I work in early years and it often amazes me at how little some adults seem to understand about a child's cognitive development. Your poor DS will have taken nothing positive from this, if anything he may end up feeling intimidated by this teacher. Wonderful.

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 13/07/2016 23:05

Water is generally fine on coach trips. I suffered from terrible motion sickness as a child (I still do actually :)) and i always end up sat at the front with like minded boys and girls and water has never been banned!

EvilTwins · 13/07/2016 23:05

She was totally out of order for punishing him in this way, regardless of whether he told her he was thirsty or not, what lessen was she expecting to teach him by not letting him have his bag back? It was a cruel way of controlling the situation, she wanted the power.

Seriously???

JeanGenie23 · 13/07/2016 23:06

Yes EvilTwins- from reading the thread that's what I have taken from it

EveOnline2016 · 13/07/2016 23:07

I don't understand what the teacher aim was by withholding his bag.

JeanGenie23 · 13/07/2016 23:07

If every other child had their bag, what was the point of with holding the OPs?

EvilTwins · 13/07/2016 23:08

From reading the thread you have deduced that the teacher is cruel and power hungry.

Wow.

fluffypenguinbelly · 13/07/2016 23:08

On all the coach trips I have been on water is fine. Plus, I'm sure other children had their bags otherwise he wouldn't have asked.

If he wasn't allowed water then she could have still given the bag back.

JeanGenie23 · 13/07/2016 23:09

What are you trying to say EvilTwins?

smallfox2002 · 13/07/2016 23:09

" I always say that there are two types of teacher. Those who love children and those who love power."

Oh you're one of those.

Would you like some salt and vinegar for the chip on your shoulder?

iminshock · 13/07/2016 23:10

" thank you for collecting my son's bag he left behind and for keeping it safe for him on the bus in case he forgot it again "

Job done.

My dad used to run a coach company. Absolutely no food or drink allowed.

angryangryyoungwoman · 13/07/2016 23:10

It was only 2 hours. If he had left it on the beach he wouldn't have had it anyway.
I don't see that the issue needs any further action and it may well encourage responsibility in the future.....

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 13/07/2016 23:11

ET, genuinely, do you not realise that just sometimes, occasionally luckily, people DO come into teaching for more sinister reasons than a love of education and children?

I had a primary school teacher who sexually molested us (luckily in a non penetrative way) throughout Year 6. Looking back it was horrendous but at the time we would never have questioned it because he was our teacher.

Now, we have moved on from those times, and before anyone jumps down my throat I am absolutely NOT stating that this teacher is anything LIKE that horrible man, but it's still dangerous territory. Once you start from this assumption that the child is wrong, the teacher is right, the teacher cannot be questioned, the child is at fault, you're basically making assumptions, and you should not do that with vulnerable (which children are due to their age) people.

Most people are reasonable. 'Gosh, you know, I'm sorry, he asked for a drink, I asked him to hold on as the girls were talking and then it slipped my mind!' is not deliberate - but 'no, you're not having a drink because you had the audacity to forget your bag!' is.

It doesn't matter how improbable or stupid or unlikely YOU think the teachers action was. Misunderstandings between child and teacher will happen and mostly can be explained but no one should have to accept someone in a position of authority over them using that authority for discomfort. That's the bottom line.

EvilTwins · 13/07/2016 23:11

Jean - that you're reading far too much into it.