to think I'm not a bad parent because my child hasn't learnt to swim?

[purplefan5]

DS is 7, he doesn't know how to swim and he is still in armbands, is this really so bad? I seem to get the worst looks when we go swimming, etc.

Is it really that bad? He doesn't want to do swimming lessons.. Are you supposed to force them?

*decent

Some horrible comments here.

OP don't beat yourself up. I'm sure you are doing all you can to help your son.

Didido if it's any consolation I had ear problems and wasn't allowed to learn to swim until much later than my friends. When I started I had to wear Nose plugs, silicone earplugs and rubber hat. I can now swim fine, though not without nose plugs.

Enjoying- how can you drown in 5cm of water ?

I only had school lessons, and despite being happy in water, school lessons just weren't sufficient to give me adequate technique to stay afloat. Being a non swimmer was restrictive, not helped by being short so only a small proportion of the pool was accessible to me. Not being able to tick the "can swim 25m" box on forms limited my options for activities on school camp.

I learnt at 16 and signed up for adult lessons where there was an instructor in the water to demonstrate technique. Once that was in place, my progress was rapid. Life is better as a swimmer. Holidays are better. I have more choices for things like brownie activities. DH is a poor swimmer, and going to fun pools is much easier for me than him.

I'd try the 1:1 lessons for him. My DCs have used noodles from the start at their lessons. My toddler uses a flotation jacket if I'm going to a casual session with both children. Arm bands are obstructive. I'm assuming that he's currently ok with them as an aid and the fear kicks in without them? Try weaning him on to using noodles or floats to build confidence.

It is worth learning in the long run.

I'm 49 and can't really swim. I can't fly a plane either, which could equally "save my life one day."

My mum reached the ripe old age of 89 and never learned to swim so it can't be that essential.

I suspect non swimmers are less likely to drown. I'd still want my kids to swim though, it's so enjoyable.

I didn't learn to swim until I was 12. I was pretty mortified that I couldn't swim by then but my parents didn't teach me. In fact, my mum couldn't swim either and my Dad wouldn't take me swimming until I could swim (don't ask. He said similar about me getting a bike.)

As a consequence, and because I knew we'd be moving to Australia when DS1 was very small, I started him on swimming lessons very early. Backfired a bit because he became scared of the water - but we persevered, started proper lessons when he was 4 (peer pressure really helped him). He can now swim a length of the pool and get himself out of trouble, and loves being in the pool, diving for stuff, jumping in (our pool, not the public one) etc.
Because he loves it, DS2 also loves it, although at 3 he can't swim yet - but he jumps in with his floatation aid and has a lovely time.

I don't say you're a bad parent, but I do think it is an essential skill and you should persevere with getting your son to learn.

You are definitely not a bad parent and no-one should force a child to swim who doesn't want to. I was terrified of the water when young and I absolutely hated going swimming. I finally learned to swim when I was 11 as I didn't want to start secondary school (where weekly swimming was compulsory) unable to swim.

By the end of my first year at secondary school I was the best swimmer in my year as I loved it so much, but it was definitely the right thing not to force the issue earlier.

Well said MrsDeVere

I've always taken my children swimming regularly, tried swimming lessons, go on holiday to camp sites with a swimming pool, completely believe that swimming is an essential skill etc. My 9 year old can just about do a width, and my 7 year old not a stroke yet.

I'm hoping that they both do learn to swim, but don't understand how you can 'force' them. They both refused to get in the water at swimming lessons, however 'fun' I made it.

I'm doing all that I can to encourage it and as I see it I definitely haven't done less than parents whose children go willingly to swimming lessons.

*If you go to hotel with a pool in the sun, going in the pool is a huge part.

Kids have an amazing time, make friends and generally enjoy themselves. I genuinely think it is a bit mean to deny them that.*

But that's a big IF. That kind of holiday is our idea of utter hell. You'd probably hate what we look forward to doing on holiday. It's horses for courses. If you and your family enjoy that sort of thing, then swimming is a big part of your life. If you don't, then it isn't.

bert I taught swimming for just over ten years, giving up to look after dd as CC were to high.

Swimming lessons do make money yes, just like all other taught abilities eg. Learning to drive, learning extra maths, English, learning a sport, learning a self defence class.

It does not take away the fact that thousands of children every learn how to stay safe and swim correctly. Everybody needs to earn a wage just like the rest of society.

The goverment - in some areas will pay for the National Curriculum but some schools sometimes choose to use that money for other activies, believe it or not - not every child has the oppertunity to learn how to swim.

Swimming is a fundamental life skill. I know it is as I've pulled many of over ambitious children, weak swimmers, petrified and frozen swimmers out of the water in those ten years. The look on those faces tell me they know they are in motal danger. Sometimes there are even silent drowners - that don't splash or shout. I spent a good portion of those years just before the summer holidays giving water saftey talks to schools. - because children and water are dangerous.

Bodies of water kill people. The lessons the goverment fund are just not enough. The classes are too big and the ability range is too great to keep the weakest one improving.

There are msny accidental drownings where children have wondered out in to a pool area and fallen in unnoticed by parents or life guards. In fact I rescued a toddler when I was about 10 in Butlins many many moons ago- it was first spiked my intrest in it for that same reason.

What about all those children and women that have died on the terrible boats crossing from turkey to Greece, do you think they were a bit over ambitious?

Life is not predicable, you could, I suppose avoid ever going on a boat or near water - in case you fell in. Or ever walking your dog by the canal in case for some reason you fell in, or seen some one that needed help themselves.

You could avoid those places, you could avoid ever going swimming, you could avoid taking your kids swimming I suppose but why would you want to?

Just because you may have taught your children how to swim - a lot of parents can not.

Learning to swim 25 meters in a pool is nothing like swimming in open water. There are too many variables. In an ideal world the Gov. Would start swimming at nursary level, but they don't.

Also not all swimming lessons are a 'con' I used to teach SEN lessons at a NW football club training ground which was actually a charity. Do I'm pretty sure all those kids parents round disagree with you.

It does not make you a shit parent if you don't get your kids swimming lessons, but it does certainly put them at a disadvantage.